"My 4-year-old sucks his thumb. Usually, it’s just when he’s tired, nervous, or in a new situation. He’s not alone—the National Institute of Health estimates that 50 percent of kids suck their thumbs, but most stop on their own around age 4.
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My son’s dentist, his teachers, and even my husband all give him the same advice—it’s time to break the habit, he’s too old, and his teeth can still ‘move back’ to proper alignment. And while there’s merit to their advice, here’s why I’m not making him quit his thumb-sucking habit quite yet.
It’s how he self-soothes
If you’ve ever had a child who uses a pacifier or has a lovey, you get it. I can always tell when my son is tired, upset, or nervous because his thumb goes right into his mouth. If he’s really feeling off, he uses his pointer finger to rub the bridge of his nose in tandem.
Not only is it a surefire way to gauge his emotions, but it’s also the way he actively deals with his emotions. Research shows that thumb-sucking helps the brain release oxytocin, a hormone that can calm the brain and reduce stress. Thumb sucking can also regulate heart rate and breathing, which also promotes calmness.
Most kids stop on their own
Research shows that many thumbsuckers stop on their own between the ages of 2 and 4, and there isn’t a need for concern until the child’s permanent teeth come in. While my son is on the older end of this range, I’m not worried. Plus, the American Academy of Pediatrics only recommends intervention for children who still suck their thumb at age 5.
It helps with transitions
Four can be a tough age. Kids are transitioning from the toddler years to being “big kids,” and many are dealing with big transitions such as new schools, longer days, and maybe no naps.
This year, my son is starting at a new school and going from attending twice weekly to four longer days. It’s a big transition for a kid who has been at home with his mom for most of his life. So, if he wants to suck his thumb to deal with this big change, I’m OK with it.
It helps with germ exposure
This one sounds crazy, but hear me out. While thumb sucking increases your kid’s exposure to germs—think: you’re at a crowded children’s museum, and your child chooses that exact moment to pop his thumb in his mouth.
But extra germ exposure isn’t necessarily a bad thing. One study found that kids who sucked their thumbs or bite their nails were less likely to develop allergies as an adult. As a lifetime allergy sufferer, I look at this as a major perk.
It lets them be little
We hear this a lot as parents, but what does it really mean? To me, it’s not rushing milestones, academic learning, or preferred behavior. For my older child, this means not worrying when he climbs into bed three or four nights a week. For my 4-year-old, it means getting comfy with the idea that he’s an older thumb sucker and trusting that he’ll stop when he’s ready. Though, I have been known to spread hand sanitizer on his thumb of choice when we’re in public, just in case.
Tips for curbing your child sucking their thumb
If you truly feel it’s time for your little one to stop their thumb-sucking habit, whether for medical, social, or hygiene reasons, here are some strategies to help.
Raise awareness
When your child is sucking their thumb, ask them if they realize they are sucking their thumb. Many older kids don’t even realize they’re doing it, and simply calling attention to the fact helps curb the behavior.
Set limits
We all know what happens when we tell our child not to do something. (Read: They want to do it even more.) But setting limits with your child’s thumb sucking can help them release the habit. I tell my 4-year-old that he can suck his thumb at home or in the car but not at school or in public. So far, it’s worked well.
Teach other coping mechanisms
We already know that thumb sucking is a coping mechanism—it lowers heart rate and stress levels for littles. So, instead of taking away their coping mechanism, why not teach another? I’ve started to teach my son the power of taking deep breaths in times of stress. We’ve also worked on naming emotions correctly so he can articulate them when they’re happening.
Get other caretakers on board
My son’s teachers and babysitters know he’s a thumb sucker. While I tell them that we allow it at home, I set limits in terms of school sucking (no) and sucking while babysitters are there (only right before bed). Works like a charm.
Rachel Morgan Cautero, Contributing Writer
Rachel is a full-time freelance writer based in Ponte Vedra, Florida. When she’s not busy wrangling a toddler, preschooler, and one very stubborn French bulldog, she’s writing on all things personal finance and parenting. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, Forbes, Parents, Nerdwallet, The Balance, Yahoo Finance, Truly Mama, SmartAsset, HerMoney, and DailyWorth.