Moms, and women in general often get caught up in extending themselves to others to the point where there’s little left over for themselves. When to-do lists are longer than the school pick-up line, it can be difficult to prioritize simple moments of joy. But noticing how those small, positive moments feel can put the everyday stresses and to-dos in perspective. Aren’t those small moments actually really big parts of life? How can moms notice more of those positive motherhood moments—also known as glimmers—when life is so busy?
Put simply, glimmers are moments that feel calm and happy. I was introduced to the idea of ‘glimmers,’ or ‘glimmering,’ on social media from licensed psychologist Dr. Justine Grosso and psychologist and author, Dr. Nicole LePera. LePera shared on her Instagram account an explanation of what glimmers are and how to experience more of them. From the moment I learned the term “glimmers,” I knew I wanted to dive more into the idea, practice it myself, and learn how this concept of glimmers can apply to all moms.
Here, I’m breaking down all there is to know about this appealing concept of glimmers and how to experience more glimmers in motherhood.
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What is a glimmer or glimmering?
Essentially, glimmers are the opposite of triggers. These are the moments we stumble upon that feel calm, peaceful, and joyful. It’s during these moments when our nervous systems are regulated; therefore, even without knowing it, our bodies are benefiting. Glimmering is the mindfulness practice of noticing these moments.
“Glimmers are the opposite of triggers.”
Examples of glimmers in motherhood
Motherhood is hard, and sometimes it’s easier to talk about the tough stuff. Feeling overstimulated as a mom, carrying the family’s mental load, and being unexpectedly triggered by something are common. At times, these triggers can lead to intense emotions and behaviors. Most of the time, at a minimum, we’re left to deal with a dysregulated nervous system. For many of us, this will feel like an increased heart rate, higher blood pressure, lack of focus, etc. This dysregulation can disrupt our days and our relationships. Looking for glimmers or glimmering can help our bodies become regulated again.
So, how do we know when we’re experiencing a glimmer? Here are some examples:
- Clicking with a new mom on the playground
- Getting an unexpected text from an old friend
- A stranger holding the door open for your stroller
- Your kid opening up about something at bedtime
- Feeling good in an outfit
- Taking a walk outside with no distractions
- Watching siblings play nicely together
- Enjoying a cup of coffee in a quiet house
- Early morning snuggles before starting the day
- Singing in the car with your LOs
- Laughing at something funny your kid said or did
- A contact nap after you thought your kid outgrew them
- A toddler going to bed without a fuss
- Finding that your partner has completed a task on your list without being asked
- Breathing in that newborn smell
Benefits of glimmering
While the feeling of joy that a glimmer brings is a benefit in itself, there are also some health benefits Dr. LePera believes are linked to the experience. She shared the experience will put our nervous system in a ventral vagal state, meaning we feel safe, calm, joyful, and energized. For one, the sense of calmness can be linked to lower blood pressure. Sources state that lowering our blood pressure to a healthy level can help prevent serious conditions like cardiovascular disease, heart failure, and strokes. These moments can also lower our heart rates, leading to more efficient heart function.
Having more joy in our lives can quickly lead to feeling less stressed. Aside from the obvious reasons why we’d want lower stress levels, a major benefit is lower cortisol levels in the body. Having elevated levels is known to lead to serious problems like increased risk of depression, difficulty maintaining a healthy weight, and even lower life expectancy.
Dr. LePera also highlighted some emotional changes we may feel when glimmers become a regular part of our lives. She noted that we may experience more feelings of safety, peace, belonging, and acceptance. Along with these feelings, we may have more motivation to try new things and move our bodies, as well as have an increased ability to laugh and be lighthearted. Each of these can be especially beneficial when it comes to spending time with our little ones.
How to experience more glimmers in motherhood
If these magical moments are something you want more of, but seem easier said than done, keep reading. When it comes to having more glimmers, Dr. LePera believes we can teach ourselves how to do so—and repeat so it becomes a habit. To get started, try these practices:
Slow down and be present
If we’re not mentally present, an opportunity may pass us by without even realizing it. While it’s easy to let our minds wander back to the things we have to get done and our worries about the future, we can spend time actively being present in moments. This is a practice Dr. LePera talks about in her book How to Do the Work. We can practice being conscious daily by focusing our attention on the present moment with our senses. We can focus on what we see, hear, smell, and feel. The more we practice, the easier it will become.
Soak them in
The next time we do feel a moment of peace and joyfulness, Dr. LePera explains that we should soak it in. We can give ourselves the freedom to not rush out of the moment. She recommends taking some deep breaths in these moments and expressing feelings of gratitude for the opportunity.
Ask for support
It makes sense that we may have more opportunities for glimmers when we have more free time. Of course, this isn’t always an option. But if we do have the ability to have someone take something off our plate every now and then, we can use the extra few minutes of free time to intentionally look for the good in our daily lives.
Try making new connections
Many glimmers in motherhood come when we feel connected to others. While this can be with our family members, we may also have strong reactions to connecting with new people. In order to do so, we can challenge ourselves to put in the effort to make those connections. The next time the opportunity arises, we can step out of our comfort zones. This may look like saying hi to another person at school pick-up, or on the next yoga mat over.
Tune into the senses
When we’re triggered by something, our bodies feel it. In the same way, we can feel glimmers in our bodies. Dr. LePera recommends we tap into those calm moments when they come by and notice things like our feelings, our heart rates, and our breathing.
Plan for ‘unplugged’ moments when possible
A suggestion from Dr. LePera is to plan for peaceful moments throughout our week where we can be alone. Even if this is five minutes squeezed into the agenda, take the time whenever possible to do something that brings peace. In these moments, we should limit distractions like phones, TV, and even other people. Trying analog hobbies like knitting, reading, or working on a puzzle is a way to find this peace.
Repetition is key to experiencing more glimmers
In order to experience more glimmers in motherhood, we’re going to need to practice. If we can take these steps and implement them into our daily lives as much as possible, we’ll be having regular moments of peace and joy before we know it.
Brett Nicole Hayden, Former Assistant Editor
As the former Assistant Editor, Brett worked with the editors of The Everymom on the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, and pitching and contributing her own stories. Her favorite topics to write about are baby names, culture, relationships, and living.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for over eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.
