I’ve always been a big reader… until my twins were born. People talk about losing themselves and their hobbies to motherhood—and for me, my love of reading was one of those casualties. I was just so physically and mentally exhausted that the thought of cracking open a book felt overwhelming and just not at all appealing.
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And then, 18 months into my motherhood journey, it all changed. While cleaning out a drawer during a visit to my parents’ house, I came across a book I’d purchased years ago and had forgotten about. That book was The Idea of You, a novel by Robinne Lee, and it was exactly what I needed.
I was immediately absorbed by this story, which features a divorced mom named Soléne as she enters into a relationship with, of all people, a member of her tween daughter’s favorite boy band, who is nearly 20 years her junior.
Two chapters into the book, the worst reading slump of my life was officially over. But more than that, I just found myself feeling so grateful that I had somehow purchased and forgotten about this particular book years earlier. Because it wouldn’t have hit the same way had I read it in my pre-kids life—and getting sucked into this book as a new-ish mom, a woman navigating the wild identity shifts of motherhood, made me feel seen.
What is ‘The Idea of You’ Movie About?
The Idea of You has been adapted into a film starring Anne Hathaway and Nicholas Galitzine, and it is now officially available to stream via Prime Video (watch the steamy trailer below!). And listen, I get that finding the time to read an entire book can be impossible for moms, but I’m here to tell you: You need to take in this story, whether via the novel, the movie, or preferably, a combination of both. The Idea of You is basically Harry Styles fan fiction for moms. Soléne meets Hayes Campbell, the Harry Styles cosplay in question, at a fan meet-and-greet. Sparks fly, and the rest you’ll just have to read or watch to find out.
Why ‘The Idea of You’ Movie is a Must-Watch for Moms
As moms, we rarely get to be the main character. This is true in books, movies, TV shows, and sometimes even our own lives—especially when it comes to love stories like this one. We rarely get to see moms who are considered desirable, who are able to explore new relationships, and understand their own wants, and simply just be seen as women—not just mothers, not just caregivers, not just people who are of service to everyone around them.
We rarely see main character mothers like Soléne
What’s so refreshing about this story is that it nails the nuance. It shows us our main character both within and outside of her role as a mother. Her character is more than a tired mom trope, she’s a fully fleshed character with accomplishments and desires and personal style and more. Yet we also see how her child’s needs factor into the choices she makes. I believe that when you become a mother, you’re forever looking at your life through a whole new lens—even when you’re not needed as intensely as you are in those first few years, even as you reclaim yourself little by little, that tether you feel to your children is never fully untied.
“I believe that when you become a mother, you’re forever looking at your life through a whole new lens… even as you reclaim yourself little by little, that tether you feel to your children is never fully untied.”
We rarely see moms like this in pop culture: We seldom get to watch them date at all, for one thing. In this film, we get a taste of what that looks like—maybe not on a practical level because this particular love story unfolds across countries, in luxury hotels, with paparazzi on the main couple’s tails, which yes, is not relatable. And yeah, the age gap feels a bit icky (the book begins when Soléne is 39 and her love interest, Hayes, is 20, though the movie has tightened up the age gap a bit with Hayes as 24). But you root for Soléne, not necessarily to end up with Hayes, but to find her own happiness. Because even if we can’t see our realities reflected in her beautiful home or her designer wardrobe or her global romance, we see ourselves in her.
Through Lee’s brilliant writing, the shifts in how we view ourselves throughout womanhood are fully explored. Soléne is written as beautiful, successful, worldly, intelligent, and incredibly self-possessed. That a young, famous pop star (again, think Harry Styles) who could have his pick of teen or 20-something girls we’ve deemed “more desirable” in our youth-obsessed landscape became totally captivated by her is one element of the story. It shows us that even when we don’t feel it ourselves, moms are still worthy of main character status. For so long, messages about motherhood have told us where we belong and what we should be. This story dares to imagine other possibilities.
Yet that doesn’t tell the whole story: Soléne isn’t immune to those messages about motherhood and aging. They’ve burrowed underneath her skin, too. And the way they affect her outlook and her sense of self is so well-stated.
It nails the identity shift after motherhood
When I read this book, I was working through the massive identity shift that comes in early motherhood. I didn’t know where my children ended and I began. And like many new moms, I felt kind of invisible. That’s something we rarely talk about: How motherhood, and even just aging into your 30s, can make you feel like you’ve stepped out of the spotlight of your own life. People rarely see moms, and that’s why we need stories like this one.
Take, for example, this passage, which features an interaction between Soléne and her daughter, Isabelle:
“You don’t look like a mom,” Isabelle observed. “What does a mom look like to you?” “I don’t know.” She smiled. “Cartier Love bracelet? Lululemon?” I laughed at that, her referencing the staples of private-school carpool lanes. There were so many things I wanted to teach her. That being a mother did not have to mean no longer being a woman. That she could continue to live outside the lines. That forty was not the end. That there was more joy to be had. That there was an Act II, an Act III, an Act IV if she wanted it … But at thirteen, I imagined, she did not care. I imagined she just wanted to feel safe. I could not blame her. We had already shaken her ground. “Am I a mom?” I asked her then, kissing her forehead. She nodded. “Well, then, this is what a mom looks like.”
‘The Idea of You’ Book vs. the Movie
Sometimes, this type of nuance gets lost from the page to the screen, and often screen adaptations fall short of the expectations lovers of the original work hold. But based on interviews with Anne Hathaway, it’s clear that she understands that this is the real heart of this story—not the romance, but the exploration of womanhood and motherhood. And I think that understanding of the experience, that commitment to creating something for the women who can see glimpses of themselves in Soléne, is where it all begins.
When asked what she hopes mothers will take away from the movie during an interview with The Skimm, Hathaway put it perfectly: “You don’t have to hand in your person card when you pick up your baby. You’re still very much yourself.”
