Here’s the thing about parenting: It’s all ever-evolving. You figure out a system or a routine or an approach that’s really working for your family… and then things shift. And all of a sudden, you find yourself scrambling to adjust.
Right now, in my family, that means adjusting our evening routine. We’ve had it down pat for a while, but recently, evening sports and activities have intensified (as they often do once kids enter elementary school!).
One day, after picking my daughter up from an afterschool activity, then carting both kids immediately to my son’s game, all while squeezing in a picnic dinner and homework on the sidelines (of course, this all happened to fall during a week when my husband was on a business trip), I found myself wondering: Is this our new normal? And if so, how do we need to pivot in order to make our evenings work?
On this particular day, I got my kids home right around 8 p.m., but then we needed to have a snack and shower before even beginning the bedtime routine. While most evenings aren’t quite so hectic, I know days like this will come up as my kids get more involved in their sports and activities, and I want to be prepared.
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Dylan Ochal, M.D., FAAP
Dr. Dylan is Board Certified Pediatrician and Certified Lactation Educator based in Orange County, California. After receiving her undergraduate degree in Human Biology from Stanford University, Dr. Dylan attended medical school at the Keck School of Medicine of University of Southern California. She completed her pediatrics residency at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.
The kids’ activities conundrum for parents
I want them involved in sports, the arts, and other enriching activities. I also want them to get downtime, proper meals, and enough sleep every night. But sometimes, it just feels like the math isn’t mathing. Is wanting kids to be well-rested and well-rounded too much to ask?
I’m not the only parent who feels this way. Many other parents I’ve encountered, both online and IRL, express feelings like there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to make it all work. And according to Dylan Ochal, MD, a pediatrician at Ocean Pediatrics, this is happening on a large-scale level.
“There is definitely an epidemic of sleep debt in many of our children, particularly as they age and homework, after-school activities, and sports commitments increase,” says Dr. Ochal.
How much sleep should my kid be getting?
Here’s the thing. There’s no right answer to this. For one thing, age matters. My kids are in elementary school, but there’s, of course, a huge difference between a kindergartener and a fifth grader. And even kids of the same age have different sleep needs. But according to Dr. Ochal, there’s a range we ought to consider.
“Younger elementary school children need anywhere from 10-13 hours of sleep per night, while older elementary school children may require as little as 9 hours, or as much as 12 hours per night, “ says the pediatrician. See a full age-by-age kids’ sleep guide here.
Some signs that your kid isn’t getting enough rest include behavioral problems (think and hyperactivity, which may even be misdiagnosed as ADHD), poor emotional regulation, impaired cognition, and declining academic performance, according to Dr. Ochal.
Seeing sleep as a priority
“Sleep is critical in physiologic functions, with chronically impaired sleep leading to adverse metabolic and cardiovascular effects,” says Dr. Ochal.
So while activities, social events, and sports are really important ways to enrich a child’s life, they shouldn’t come at the expense of their rest.
“The evening schedule should be based on a child’s bedtime and sleep requirement,” says Dr. Ochal. “There will be exceptions of course (holidays, sports games, etc), but bedtime shouldn’t be ‘once everything is done.’ It should be a set time that allows for enough sleep, because consistency is key.”
Bedtime consistency matters versus ‘banking sleep’
I’ve found myself wondering if we can “make up” for a shorter night of sleep by getting extra rest the following night (for myself and my kids). And while that can work in a pinch, it’s not a solution parents should rely on at the expense of general consistency.
“If a child gets less sleep than they need, they can partially compensate for it another night,” says Dr. Ochal. “However, if they chronically don’t get the required amount, it can be difficult to make up for that lost sleep. Weekend ‘catch-up’ sleep provides only temporary relief and may fall short of complete recovery from sleep debt.”
The complicated reality of kids’ schedules and sleep
I know there’s so much good that comes with engaging in activities and playing sports. I want my kids to learn what it is to play on a team, to be exposed to the arts, and to make friends outside of school.
But most of all, I want them to be healthy. And there’s just no magical formula when it comes to finding the exact right approach to all this.
What’s clear, though, is that we have a responsibility to be mindful of not overcommitting our little ones, especially during the elementary years. Just because “everyone else” is playing a sport—or just because your child wants to add another commitment to their roster of activities—that doesn’t mean you have to commit to it.
“Remember it’s ok to say no,” says Dr. Ochal. “If your six or seven-year-old has soccer practice at 7 p.m., that’s just too late for most kids! Protect and prioritize your child’s rest (and your own!).”
Zara Hanawalt, Contributing Writer
Zara is a twin mom and freelance journalist with over a decade of experience covering parenting, women’s health, and culture. In addition to The Everymom, she’s written for outlets like Vogue, Marie Claire, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Parents, Shape, Motherly, The New York Times for Kids, What to Expect, and many others. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, cooking, travel, watching TV, and trying new restaurants.
