"My husband and I just watched all four episodes of the new Netflix show Adolescence and haven’t been able to stop thinking or talking about it. Not only is the show incredibly well-acted and produced, it is also the type of timely and thought-provoking piece that sits with you long after watching. The whole series felt like a warning. And if you’ve also read the New York Times best-selling book The Anxious Generation or seen content from the book’s author, Jonathan Haidt, it’s one we need to be heeding.
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I’m still processing the Netflix series Adolescence, TBH, and I’ve heard a lot of parents are feeling too scared or nervous to watch it. To them I’d say, yes, it’s an intense show. And I understand wanting to protect your peace. At the same time, it’s educational and eye-opening—almost like a parenting PSA. Here’s why Adolescence feels like a must-watch for parents, caregivers, educators, and anyone who cares about kids.
Editor’s Note: For those who haven’t watched ‘Adolescence,’ minor spoilers ahead.
What is ‘Adolescence’ About?
In Adolescence, a four-part Netflix series set in England, we learn that a 13-year-old boy, Jamie Miller, is accused of killing a fellow female classmate, Katie Leonard. The director shot each one-hour episode in one take, so viewers feel intimately a part of what’s happening.
But the show isn’t a whodunnit full of gruesome scenes or courtroom drama. Instead, it’s a powerful exploration of the why behind the crime shown through different points in time and perspectives. It’s not a true story, per se, but it’s inspired by similar news stories that star and co-writer Stephen Graham read. And he felt compelled to create something that would make an impact.
My Takeaways from ‘Adolescence’
The show has already garnered critical acclaim and has even been called “a masterpiece.” But I can’t dissect it as a film critic or aficionado. Instead, I want to share some of my initial takeaways as the parent of an adolescent and elementary schooler.
We’re All Accountable
Jamie doesn’t have a troubled childhood. His parents love him—and each other—and are hard-working, everyday people. This was intentional to highlight how easy it is to place blame on the parents, but the why is often a combination of factors.
Graham shared some of his inspiration for Adolescence in an interview with Jimmy Fallon: “You know that beautiful saying it takes a village to raise a child? Well, I just thought, what if we’re all kind of accountable? You know the education system, parenting, the community, the government, and [social media].” Parents are only part of the equation; we all have a stake in raising the next generation.
Kids Today Are Speaking a Language I Don’t Understand
While Gen Z and Gen Alpha slang is the subject of countless TikToks and articles, Adolescence made me realize there’s so much beyond ‘Sigma‘ that I don’t understand. In the school episode of the Netflix series, we learn about the coded language of emojis and phrases that equate to bullying. But it initially all goes over the detectives’ heads, which feels relatable and alarming.
Kids Are Not Safe at Home
One of Haidt’s viewpoints echoed throughout Adolescence: We have overprotected children in the real world and underprotected them in the virtual world. Anyone can influence our kids through the devices in our homes, especially behind closed bedroom doors. We must be equally diligent about their safety in the digital space.
Your Kid Is Affected, Even If They Don’t Have a Phone
My husband and I have been standing firm on a “no smartphone until high school” boundary for our kids, ages 12 and 9, despite them both wanting one. Right now, they have an Apple Watch and Gizmo, respectively, and so they can contact us if needed, and my middle schooler can text her friends.
But just because they don’t have their own phones yet, their environment still means exposure to social media and more—from friends with phones to their YouTube algorithm feeding them something I would deem inappropriate. In addition, just last school year, we received a concerning email from the 5th grade teachers that some students brought up notorious misogynist Andrew Tate in class, and the teachers had to address the topic. Tate and the ‘manosphere’ are also mentioned in the show. Which leads me to my next takeaway…
The Boys Are Not OK
My algorithm has been taken over by Adolescence content since watching the series on Netflix. So I stumbled upon a post from someone I follow and admire, boy mom and Girls Who Code founder Reshma Saujani. After watching Adolescence, Saujani wrote she “has been thinking a lot about the current crisis of boyhood, masculinity, and fatherhood” and that the fact that there’s a show like Adolescence means the “crisis has gone mainstream.”
“Frankly, I don’t know what the solution is!” she added, yet “I know what kind of culture I want for my sons: I want them to be tender and strong. I want them to have positive male friendships based in openness and empathy… and I want them to challenge the structural inequities girls face without wondering if boys are worse off for it.” We can’t ignore the struggles of our boys, even if we don’t have the solutions just yet.
I Wanted More of Katie’s Story
We also can’t ignore the injustices done to female victims, which female detective sergeant Misha Frank alludes to in Episode 2, “The perpetrator always gets the front line… We’ve followed Jamie’s brain around this entire case. Katie isn’t important; Jamie is. Everyone will remember Jamie; no one will remember her.” We don’t see the hole Katie left behind in her family and friends, except through a powerful scene with her grieving best friend, Jade. Perhaps this is an intentional illustration of Frank’s point.
What Can Parents Do
Kindle Our Kid’s Spark
On a positive note, I also clung to something DS Frank said in Episode 2 of Adolescence. Kids just need one thing they think they’re good at—and one good teacher—to get them through those tough adolescent years at school.
For parents, this means not pushing our interests on them or dictating what we think our kids should be doing. It means looking for that spark in our kids and kindling what lights them up—even if we don’t get it.
Shore Up Digital Protections and Limits
Like anyone else, I’m just trying to raise kind kids, keep them safe, and prepare them for adulthood. But parenting feels harder than ever with the overwhelming amount of information and ever-evolving technologies. Here are some tips I’ve saved since watching Adolescence on Netflix. All are relatively simple things parents can do today to keep their kids safer in our digitally connected world:
- Use parental controls and screentime limits on devices.
- Treat SmartTVs like smartphones with the same controls and limits.
- Follow Haidt’s recommendations of no smartphones until 14 and no social media until 16.
- Make a “no devices upstairs” rule—often alone in their bedrooms is where harm can take place unnoticed.
- Encourage them to think critically about what they see online; for example, ask, “How do you know this site is trustworthy?” or “How do you think this YouTube influencer affords all of these expensive products?”
- Encourage open conversations so kids can come to you with questions and concerns about what they see online.
Keep the Conversation Going With Other Parents
Connect with other like-minded parents who want to regulate or delay their children’s phone and social media use. And for parents with younger kids, we can affect real change now before our kids’ friends all start getting phones.
A group of parents in my daughter’s third-grade class started a no-phone pledge earlier this year and are meeting in person to discuss based on takeaways from The Anxious Generation. Before I was waffling about going to the meeting, but after watching Adolescence on Netflix, my husband and I wouldn’t miss it—it’s all too important.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.