Why the Docuseries 'Black Love' Feels Revolutionary

Love is all around us, from our familial to romantic relationships. It’s a word that’s even used to casually describe our passion for friends or hobbies. Think about it: How many times have you said, “oh my gosh I love [blank]?” For me, the word has been attached to Starbucks coffee and my toddler’s hilarious personality. Simply put, love is so ingrained in our daily lives and conversations that we don’t always think twice about it.

But what happens if we decided to be intentional about our approach to love? Of course we inherently know we love the people close to us, but intentional love can look a number of ways. It can look like being vulnerable, communicating our needs, and even setting boundaries.

In the case of Codie Elaine Oliver and Tommy Oliver, their intentions led them to create the docuseries and platform Black Love. With five past seasons on Oprah’s OWN network and an upcoming sixth being released this summer, the docuseries’ goal is to start important conversations about how we think about love, especially within the Black community. The series features couples answering candid questions about the beginning of their relationship, moments that personify “for better or worse,” and everything in-between. Think of it as being invited to have an intimate conversation with couples.

In her own words, co-creator Codie describes Black Love as a docuseries that is meant to “feature at least one person who’s Black so we can see ourselves being loved on.” Continuing on, she said, “that was very specific and it may not be everyone’s definition, but that’s what we feel is important.”

To date, Black Love‘s Instagram account, @blacklove, has amassed 1.1 million dedicated and engaged followers. Plus, the brand has expanded with a women’s wellness retreat called the You Retreat, Black Love Summit, and a podcast network which features two recently launched podcasts The Mama’s Den and Parenting for the Culture. Because the platform is continuously growing, the core definition of Black Love for the Olivers is acknowledging what it means to be a Black person in America and having a docuseries that shows Black people in relationships “feeding each other on a soul level.”

The Themes in Black Love

Historically and culturally, there has been a divide in the media regarding Black people’s relationship with love. From articles that suggest Black women do not get married, to studies that suggest they are also undesirable, it is believed that love is not at the forefront. However, the Olivers knew this wasn’t true and set out on a mission to show the nuances of relationships in the Black community. “I always knew this wasn’t just about marriage. It’s also about loving ourselves first,” Codie said.

Codie and Tommy Oliver behind the scenes of filming ‘Black Love.’ (Source: Tommy Oliver)

How Important It Is to Love Ourselves

“Having Black parents and grandparents who went to Howard University or other HBCUs (historically Black colleges or universities), there was just an unapologetic celebration and love of our Blackness,” Codie recounted. More specifically, affirming young Black children is a part of Black Love. For Codie, being able to tell her sons “who they are and that they’re beautiful Black boys” is “so that no one can tell them otherwise.” Not only that, but she feels it is revolutionary for Black people to embrace their Blackness and pour love into themselves, their partners, and communities.

How Our Journeys Shape Our Relationships

Simultaneously, Codie bore witness to her parents’ divorce at the age of 11 and it caught her off guard. “My parents knew they were getting divorced but it blindsided me. I wanted to pull back that curtain and literally understand what made other married couples different from my parents,” she continued.

The truth is that relationships in any form are complex and can face difficult moments at any time. This is why the docuseries aims to focus on several topics such as infidelity, financial hardships, grief, and struggles with mental health. One of the things Codie asks viewers is, “what is your foundation when one of these things occurs? What is your individual history and foundation when you meet this person?” Our experiences up until we meet a romantic partner have an affect on how we will maneuver in that space.

“Generally speaking, the Black community has avoided sensitive, vulnerable topics in our families, and it could be because it was too painful or shameful,” Codie said. Her hope is that by highlighting that who we are and what we bring to our relationships, it will help others. “I think mental health is so taboo in the Black community because Black people have been stigmatized as being ‘strong,'” Codie said. That stigma causes people to believe they have no choice but to remain resilient because they think it’s what their partners and families need.

I think mental health is so taboo in the Black community because Black people have been stigmatized as being ‘strong.’

“If you talk about [an underlying issue], then your emotions explode. So, the thought was not to talk about it or feed into it,” Codie said. However, she believes more Black people understand how painful compartmentalizing is and they don’t want to pass that on to their children.

That’s what the featured couples share through their recollections of their journeys and relationship dynamics; how their mental and emotional maturity shows up regardless if they’ve healed or not. Because anyone can be affected by what couples in the docuseries have faced, it shows that we share a common experience despite any physical differences. It also challenges viewers to examine ways they may judge the relationships of others. “I think we judge each other a lot, and this is before social media, without knowing the whole story,” Codie exclaimed.

Codie filming an episode of ‘Black Love.’ (Source: Tommy Oliver)

How Vulnerability Can Lead to Understanding

There are times we don’t understand someone else’s life and vice versa, but it doesn’t mean we can’t respect what others choose to do. In the same breath, we can also feel as if we are the only ones struggling with something, only to learn that someone else has been in our shoes before and has found tools to help them heal. Seeing other couples talk about their journeys may help us even if others are not aware of our hardships.

It helps us to learn to exercise grace and patience in all of the relationships where love shows up. “The question is, when do we know whether to give that? When do we know how to give that? When do we care enough to ask the other person their point of view even when they’re the offender,” Codie continued. The fact Black Love exists to open dialogue surrounding love in this manner makes it revolutionary.

The other reason Black Love is so poignant is that it serves as a reminder that Black people do care about love and have it in their lives. That the narratives painted by certain media outlets do not tell the entire story of the community. Simply put, the Black community is not monolithic, and this points back to the representation of finding similarities in the dynamics of the couples who have been interviewed by the Olivers.

“I’ve been thinking about the word ‘revolutionary’, and I think, because Black people have been forced to lessen ourselves, it’s revolutionary to speak up and be big,” Codie said.

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘revolutionary’, and I think, because Black people have been forced to lessen ourselves, it’s revolutionary to speak up and be big.

Tommy Oliver and Codie Elaine Oliver with 3 sons

Codie and Tommy Oliver with their three sons. (Source: Monkeys and Peas)

Black Love Is Relatable to Anyone in Relationships

Being able to openly express love is remarkably powerful and Black Love has figured out a way to capture it eloquently. Yes, there is a focus on uplifting the Black community, but, at its core, the docuseries wants people to know that love can exist anywhere and in any form. Codie hopes people will be “open to what love really means not just with your partner, but to recognize that so much of who you are comes to the relationship [with you].” She also hopes by people recognizing this, “we can lessen some of the judgment so we’re not looking at other people like we can’t believe they’re who they’re with.”

I think that’s what Black Love truly comes down to; respecting the differences and similarities we have with others even in love. As Codie mentioned, “we can be quick to judge others based on our perception, possible insecurities, and more. Because there can be this idea that we’re alone in our struggles or communities, we don’t always allow ourselves to be open to finding similarities outside of these spaces. But, as long as we are human, there will be shared experiences among each other.”

Relationships are not perfect, but maybe it’s not about trying to reach a level of perfection, especially for public consumption. It could be that we are called to love with our unadulterated selves and let that be enough. If we have to heal from our prior experiences or within our relationships, we can let that happen while we love. That in itself is revolutionary no matter who you are. And Black Love showcases the beauty in our individual and collective journeys.