"My first visit to the OB-GYN with my wife was for a transvaginal ultrasound. It sounded like some Star Trek-level medical care to me that would involve a medical bay and an exam that would take place during warp. In other words, I had no idea what to expect as a dad at our first prenatal visit.
I felt awkward in the waiting room, surrounded by women who were probably feeling as normal as they would waiting for a dentist appointment. But for me and the few smattering guys there with their pregnant partners, we kept our eyes on the floor or buried in a woman’s health magazine. For us, it felt like we were crossing a line and intruding. Of course, all this was stupid, but you can’t fight generations of male upbringing.
My First Prenatal Visit as a Dad
From the waiting room, my wife and I were ushered back into the room by the nurse, who then left us to get the doctor. My wife changed into a gown, and in my nervousness, I began to go through drawers. What is kept in an OB-GYN’s office, I wondered? This was an unexplored territory, and I felt adventurous to have made it this far. Men’s health is limited to “turn your head and cough,” and that’s about it. As you get older, there is talk about peeing, and the term “a strong stream” comes up, but I’d never experienced anything similar to our first prenatal visit.
“Men’s health is limited to ‘turn your head and cough,’ and as you get older, the term ‘a strong stream’ comes up, but I’d never experienced anything similar to our first prenatal visit.”
I poked around and backed into some of the medical instruments, where my arm brushed against something cold, hard, and goopy. I twirled, and the lubricant traced down my forearm.
“What the hell is that?” I asked as I saw a foot-long metal rod covered in a condom-like piece of plastic and glistening with an oily, thick substance.
“That’s the probe,” my wife said.
This was totally not like any Star Trek episode I had ever seen. Realizing that I didn’t want to freak out in front of my wife, I said something like, “Hmm, yes. Obviously. How interesting. Did you realize that the goop on the thing looks the same as the egg sacks from the movie Aliens?”
My wife burst out laughing and almost peed her robe. It’s a story that she has enjoyed telling for 18 years now. What I wish I had then was someone to give me a bit of advice and to let me know what to expect as a dad at my first prenatal visit. Two kids later, I would learn to be a little more comfortable at the OB-GYN. Countless visits with my wife, long talks with understanding gynecologists, and leaving my immaturity behind have helped. So, fellow dads, relax and kick back with your feet in the stirrups as you learn what to expect at the OB-GYN’s office for your first prenatal visit.
Tips for Dads at Their First Prenatal Visit
If Google is any indication, many expectant parents are wondering whether dads and husbands should go to the first prenatal visit. I’m here to say yes, dads, you’ll want to be there. Here are a few tips to prepare for your first prenatal visit.
Be Involved and Not a Bystander
Come prepared with a list of questions you have about your soon-to-be family addition. This is where the bond with your child starts, so take advantage of it. How big is your baby right now? Should you consider prenatal genetic testing? How can you relieve your pregnant wife or partner’s morning sickness? Which future prenatal appointments should you make sure to attend? There is no question that you shouldn’t feel comfortable asking.
Pay Attention to What Happens During the Actual Exam
Listen to the questions your partner asks and any statements from the doctor. At the very least, it’s an extra set of ears for things that may need to be remembered later. It can be an emotional moment for everyone. If you are getting an ultrasound, ask about what you are seeing, specifically, and what to expect at the next appointment. There will be blood tests, pelvic and breast exams, weight checks, and more in the future. Get an idea of why these are done.
Enjoy the First Ultrasound
The first ultrasound is typically done between seven and eight weeks—and at this point in pregnancy, it’s not likely going to be done with goop on her pregnant belly, like you see in the movies. It’s done via transvaginal ultrasound (AKA the probe I mentioned above), and the ultrasound probe will be placed inside her vagina.
While this might seem uncomfortable, this also might be the first time you hear the baby’s heartbeat. This is a life-changing moment for a soon-to-be dad. The emotions can be a bit overwhelming. It’s a weird mix of unbridled joy and uncontrollable fear, as everything seems to come at you all at once. Embrace both of those feelings and live in that moment. Talk to your partner during and after. Gather some private moments with friends to help you regulate your emotions. I have kept all of my kid’s first ultrasound pictures in my wallet for the last almost two decades, and even though they are washed out, I always want to remember that moment.
Be Her Advocate
There will be a lot of doctor visits throughout pregnancy, and your partner needs you in her corner. Not only with the doctor but health insurance, hospitals, and a thousand other things that will come up. On average, there are 15 prenatal visits, with the frequency increasing toward the end. See if you can take on some of the other mental checklist items as you both prepare for your new baby.
Learn About the Hospital and Delivery Options
Your doctor may have privileges at more than one hospital. There is a lot of prep work that is needed, and now is the time to start thinking a little bit about that. I’m not saying you need to pack your hospital go bag this early, but ask your doctor questions about the process. And if your partner has a specific birth plan in mind, it’s not too early to start planning.
Request Book Recommendations for Dads, Specifically
Listen, there is a lot of bad advice out there for dads, so getting a recommendation is essential. Keep in mind that you are not a passive participant in this whole process. Your life is about to change, so get the support and knowledge to help you be your best, whether it is through reading books for expecting dads, listening to podcasts, etc. You’ll also want to read up on some terms and procedures so you know what to expect as the pregnancy progresses.
Ask About Travel Restrictions
Ask the doctor about any travel restrictions as time goes on. It can vary depending on the difficulty of the pregnancy, so start that conversation early. If your partner has her heart set on a babymoon, start figuring out the ideal timeframe and begin planning.
Then take the hit and inform your family of possible changes in holiday plans this year should they occur at the end of the pregnancy. This is the type of stress that you can put on your shoulders and take the pressure off of her.
You Have Sex Questions, Ask Them
We all have questions about sex during pregnancy. Ask them and put your mind at ease. There isn’t a father out there who hasn’t at least had a fleeting thought of “what if I hurt mom and the baby?” Or you may be afraid of the word miscarriage. Your partner’s medical provider will give you all the info you need.
Final Tip for Dads at Their First Prenatal Visit
And to end with advice from my wife: Don’t make her laugh during that transvaginal ultrasound. She will get super mad later and bring it up for the next 18 years of your life. Seriously.
Shannon Carpenter, Contributing Writer
Shannon Carpenter has been a stay-at-home dad since 2008. He is also a humor writer trained through the famous Second City and author of The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad. Shannon’s writing has appeared on CNN, The Atlantic, NPR, Fatherly, and he has shared his experiences with Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, CNBC, Slate Magazine, and The New York Times, as well as his local NBC and FOX stations. Whether writing social satire or parenting essays, he is always able to find your funny bone and leave you with a lasting impression.