"After this viral video clip about Hurried Child Syndrome came across my For You page on TikTok, I instantly felt like crap. I have (somewhat controlled) anxiety and am always worried I will have inherently passed it down to my daughter. Now, is this video snippet from The Edit Alaverdyan Podcast implying that my often saying, “hurry up” can make it even more likely she’ll be an anxious adult?
I’m so screwed. Right? Just another thing I’m doing wrong.
Or, not.
Since it struck a chord, I decided to do some poking around on the internet (fully seeking reassurance from data and also from strangers, naturally). Dr. Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, cited a study revealing, “The number one thing that contributed to anxious children,” is “parents that were rushing all the time.” However, I couldn’t find the study on my own. So, the search continued.
Viral Videos About Hurried Child Syndrome
Throughout my (admittedly informal) research, I did come across some helpful (and soothing) alternative opinions that confirmed my suspicions. In this video from journalist Amanda Ruggeri, she reflects, “I’m not saying that it’s probably great for a kid’s well-being (or for anyone else’s, including ours) for us to constantly be telling them to hurry up,” adding that, “hurrying kids out the door has not be found to be the cause of any anxiety disorders in childhood by credible academic research.”
Phew.
Furthermore, the caption on this post made me (nervously, of course) laugh out loud when writer Taylor Wolfe says, “The number one thing that contributed to anxious parents is watching this vid.”
Equal parts intrigued and uncertain about both sides of this argument, I did come across such a thing as Hurried Child Syndrome—but thankfully, this ain’t it.
As an anxious mom does, I decided to keep exploring. Lucky for me, I have a brilliant friend who is a licensed child psychologist and a mom of two, Adrian T. Oxman, Psy.D., who I was able to ask about this whole Hurried Child Syndrome confusion. This was, full disclosure, probably the millionth kiddo-related question I’ve run by her—her advice is that good.
Adrian T. Oxman, Psy.D.
Adrian Oxman is a New Jersey-based licensed child psychologist and a mom of two. She works from a client -entered, cognitive behavioral and psychodynamic framework that incorporates current research in neuroscience, developmental psychology, and attachment theory.
What is Hurried Child Syndrome?
Originally identified and named by David Elkind, Ph.D., in his book, The Hurried Child, Growing Up Too Fast, Too Soon, the definition of Hurried Child Syndrome (HCS) is the idea that kids these days are being developmentally rushed. It’s the observation that this generation is being treated more like teens or even miniature adults and are experiencing the true essence of childhood less and less—not enough play, not enough time on their hands to even consider boredom.
This, in turn, can lead to kids feeling anxious, unsettled, and overscheduled. “Part of the idea of Hurried Child Syndrome is that we are rushing our kids way too much,” an article in Psychology Today explains. “We’re pushing them out the door, on to the next extracurricular or playdate, and never giving them time to just relax and BE KIDS.”
Oxman adds, “This can manifest in overscheduled lives filled with academic demands, extracurriculars, and social pressures, leaving little time for free play and relaxation. In order to fit in all of these activities, families are often rushing around, hence the term HCS.”
But Hurried Child Syndrome has nothing to do with the physical act of occasionally rushing out the door.
What Hurried Child Syndrome is NOT
“Contrary to what TikTok will tell you, asking your children to get their shoes on quickly in the morning isn’t going to send your child to my couch later in life. In fact, rushing your child out the door isn’t even what HCS is all about,” explains Oxman.
But saying something along the lines of “children who are hurried will experience anxiety later in life” forgets the tried and true statement we all know and believe: All children are different. Oxman says, “Whereas one child’s innate temperament might see them thrive in a fast-paced, highly scheduled environment, that may feel overwhelming for a more sensitive child.”
If you’re concerned, think about chronicity. Hectic mornings, asking your child to focus or speed up a bit more when they’re getting ready for school, dance, or soccer, or even letting them know you’re short on time to get from one place to another, on occasion, won’t do any long-lasting harm. (Though, it may result in a dramatic eye roll or moving at an even more glacial pace… at least if you’re my kid, that is.) If the level of urgency is contained to isolated times, that’s “normal.” But, Oxman says if your family is constantly rushing from event to event, feeling stressed and exhausted, it might be worth reflecting.
“If your family is constantly rushing from event to event, feeling stressed and exhausted, it might be worth reflecting.”
“The bottom line is there are many factors that need to be considered when we look at mental health outcomes for children,” Oxman says.
Oxman strongly agrees that the essence of HCS has tremendous validity, saying, “The impact of societal expectations and parenting styles that prioritize achievement and competition over exploration and personal growth can be detrimental to a child’s emotional and social development.”
But for some extra reassurance, Oxman echoes the sentiment of the aforementioned videos saying, “Simply put, there is no evidence-based research to suggest that asking a child to do something quickly here and there causes anxiety later in life.”
Why HCS is Trending
As with most internet trends these days, part of why it’s trending is because it undoubtedly resonates with a lot of us. As adults—if we don’t have any downtime and are always “go, go, go!” then it’s only natural for that vibe to find its way to our kids, too. It takes three seconds in the comments section to be reminded that everyone has opinions—some are louder than others—and people love to debate on parenting topics. The constantly connected world we live in makes it so easy to feel like we’re doing it wrong or causing irreparable damage to our kids.
What Parents Can Do
Ever so down to earth, Oxman offers, “Not that I am, by any means, the yardstick here—I, too, get it wrong a lot—but if you’re looking for tips to mitigate HCS (or what you might think is HCS), I might suggest the following:
- Prioritize free play after school
- Limit (not eliminate) structured extracurricular activities
- Prioritize rest and sleep over late night or early commitments
- Acknowledge and value effort over outcome
Just remember (as always) you, the parent, should always, ALWAYS trust your intuition over the latest trending parenting advice on the internet. Like Oxman says, “Bottom line here is—HCS has been widely misconstrued. The kids are gonna be alright.”
Erin Celletti, Contributing Writer
Erin is an NYC-based writer with a BA in Journalism from Quinnipiac University and two master’s degrees in education. She is a proud mama to a little girl and a lifestyle, beauty, wellness, and trends reports writer. Beyond The Everymom, Erin’s editorial work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Allure, Byrdie, The Everygirl, TeenVogue, BRIDES, Sunday Edit, and TODAY.