"Before I had a baby, I heard the term āmom shamingā thrown around by a lot by my friends and on social media. Iād nod in agreement at how awful it was, but never fully understood the extent of it until I got pregnant.
And at the same time, before I had a baby myself, I would judge moms without ever saying a word. Iād judge moms for letting their kids watch an iPad at lunch. Iād judge moms for formula feeding. Iād judge moms for co-sleeping.
Everything changed when I had a baby. I realized quickly, as every mother does, that sometimes (or usually) itās just about survival mode and youāre just trying to do your best, all day, every day. I feed my baby formula (gasp!) and I have a feeling sheāll watch an iPad at lunch in the not so distant future, too.
I still feel guilty about the judging I did before I became a mother. So, one of my goals as a blogger and influencer is to do whatever I can to combat mom-shaming and help end judgment without knowing all the facts.
I put my life out there on my blog and Instagram every single day, and, of course, I donāt expect everyone to love me or what Iām doing.
After years of blogging, I had gotten used to a certain amount of criticism and snark from readers, but when I was pregnant and someone commented that I would be āan awful motherā, it shook me to my core.
The comment was in response to me talking about how my doctor said it was ok to have a small glass of wine now and then during pregnancy. (Iāve since realized that drinking even small amounts while pregnant is maybe the most polarizing topic on the planet so I never brought it up again!)
My first emotion was fearā¦ Was I going to be a terrible mother because I had a sip of wine at a wedding? Soon after, that turned to angerā¦ How dare this person get inside my head and make me second guess my decisions! Then I got really sadā¦ How would I get through my pregnancy and a lifetime of motherhood if I couldnāt handle one comment?
I knew that it would be the first of many negative comments, so my attitude had to change. And guess what? I was right! People have criticized everything from how long I breastfed to what I feed my daughter to our child care choices.
Now, when someone is mean or nasty about my parenting decisions, I let it roll off my back. I remember that itās their problem, not mine, and that I know what is best for my family and my baby.
No one else can possibly know her the way that I do, and watching her grow and thrive as a happy, smiley little ball of joy is all the confirmation I need to know that Iām doing the right thing.
So, what am I doing to combat mom-shaming?
- Every day I try to remind my readers that theyāre doing the best job that they can as moms and that even if I recommend one thing, it might not be best for them.
- When I get a mean comment, I respond with love and positivity and donāt let it get under my skin. I encourage the person who said whatever it was they said to think about why my decision upset them.
- I started a Facebook group for like-minded mamas who want positive, uplifting support. We have over 1200 moms connecting daily and helping each other through difficult stages, recommending products, and giving advice. Itās so heartwarming to see them all connecting and inspiring each other!
Now, more than ever, women and mothers need to lift each other up, not tear each other down. Letās shut down mom shaming once and for all!