"When I was 7 years old, there was nothing I wanted more than to be like my big sister. I wanted to do what she did—read the same books, wear the same clothes, and stay up as late as she did. And when I saw her dominating on the soccer field, I wanted to do that, too. I couldn’t have been more thrilled when my parents signed me up to be on my local soccer team. Jersey on my back and new cleats on my feet, I was ready to conquer that field… until it came to our first practice.
All I remember is sitting on the side of the field with other kids my age, listening to the coach talk about the rules we were to follow. My mom was standing by with the other parents. Looking back now, she was probably only a few yards away. To my young mind, she may as well have been on Mars. I was terrified to put myself out there—I feared I would get hurt on the field or the other kids wouldn’t like me. So I quit.
I ran to my mom’s side before I could even kick my first soccer ball, and that was that. From then on, she and my dad never pushed me in soccer or any other sport again. They listened when I said “no,” and while I appreciate the sentiment as an adult more than ever, there have been times when I wished they would’ve encouraged me to try just a little bit harder. My parents let me quit sports as a kid—here’s why I wish they had pushed me harder.
Socializing With Team Sports
Without a doubt, one of the main reasons why I didn’t stay on that soccer field was because I was shy. “Shy” was a quintessential personality trait for me, and it stuck with me well into my high school years. I can’t help but wonder if I had been encouraged to stick out the first few soccer practices, would I have grown to love it? Would I have made friends?
To answer the first question, my adult mind has to assume maybe. The second question, though, I’m confident would be a firm yes.
Up until high school, I was the type of kid who tried to hide herself. I didn’t want any attention. The thought of stepping out of my comfort zone to make new friends made me feel incredibly vulnerable. It wasn’t until I took a mission trip with a local church in high school that I was thrust into that vulnerability, and it changed me for the better. I grew to love making new friends. Plus, my self-confidence grew like never before.
That’s why, on one hand, I appreciate my parents listening to me when I felt uncomfortable. On the other hand, part of me wishes that I had been pushed more to step out of my comfort zone at an earlier age. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had found my confidence earlier. And it makes me wonder if there’s a way to find the balance as a parent between being encouraging and being too pushy.
Gaining Athletic Abilities
It comes as no surprise that kids who play sports growing up have a better chance at being athletic throughout their lives, potentially leading to health benefits. In college, I took it upon myself to prioritize working out regularly. Weight training, walking, hiking, and the occasional yoga session became my norm. But I couldn’t relate to everyone joining intramural sports (again with the socialization!).
Instead, I took on the task of learning how to work out on my own—something my peers had experienced from their years of training in sports. Was this the end of the world? Of course not. However, using word of mouth or YouTube videos to learn how to train was perhaps slightly less favorable than doing an in-person session with someone who could correct me if I did something wrong.
Beyond the practical side of things, I’ve always been the first to turn down a game of sand volleyball or “shooting hoops.” It’s as if I just assume I won’t be good at it because I didn’t have the experience of playing growing up.
Learning to Push Through Discomfort
One of the pillars of sports is learning discipline. It takes time, effort, and practice after practice to get really good at a particular activity. Again, I appreciate my parents listening to my wishes. At the same time, I’m not sure learning early on in my development that I can simply give up at the first sign of discomfort is what little me needed. Sure, I grew in other ways, but sometimes I wonder what I would’ve gone on to achieve if the messaging I received was more of a “You can do it!” versus “That’s OK, you don’t have to.”
My mom was always highly supportive of whatever I wanted to do or try. This is not to bash on her parenting whatsoever. I simply think I could’ve used a bit more of a push when it came to not quitting something I started. So much of life is persevering through discomfort and overcoming adversity. Maybe it would’ve been good for me to experience a bit more of that earlier on.
“So much of life is persevering through discomfort and overcoming adversity. Maybe it would’ve been good for me to experience a bit more of that earlier on.”
Parents play a tough role in trying to find the perfect balance. We don’t want to force our kids to do something they hate. And for the record, I’m very grateful my parents didn’t take that approach! But on the other hand, we certainly want to equip them with the drive, perseverance, and discipline it will take to achieve in the real world. Maybe sports aren’t the end-all-be-all answer to that. I do, however, believe a little encouragement and requirement to follow through on commitments—no matter the activity—is something that would’ve benefited my young mind and development throughout the years.
Brett Nicole Hayden, Assistant Editor
As the Assistant Editor, Brett works with the editors of The Everymom on the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, and pitching and contributing her own articles. Her favorite topics to write about are culture, relationships, and living. She’s also The Everymom’s resident baby names and family movies expert!