"In January 2024, Sesame Street’s Elmo captured hearts and headlines with a viral social media post asking one simple question: Elmo is just checking in! How is everybody doing? The post has been viewed over 220 million times and sparked tens of thousands of people to share what they were struggling with at the time (also sparking countless trauma-dumping Elmo memes.) But talking about the hard stuff didn’t deter Elmo from asking the question again, this time to Sesame Street guest, celebrity Andrew Garfield, who has been making the media rounds promoting his new movie, We Live in Time.
When the Instagram post came across my feed and I started watching, I didn’t expect to break down crying in the middle of a Friday afternoon. Why? When asked how he was doing, Garfield (known as “Mr. Andrew” in the video) shared that honestly he was having a tough time because he was missing his mom who passed away. I had no idea Andrew Garfield experienced losing a parent, just like me. And he and Elmo’s touching conversation was exactly what I would have loved to share with my kids to help us navigate the complexities of grief and loss. Here’s why Andrew Garfield and Elmo’s video meant so much to me and many others:
Elmo and Andrew Garfield Talk About Grief on Sesame Street
Of course, Sesame Street has always felt like a safe place for kids to learn and be entertained. But adults can benefit from the show too. From my experience, this video is full of magic moments between Elmo and Mr. Andrew that can help grievers process their loss, parents who want to help kids cope with grief, and those who want to support others in their grief.
Knowing What to Say to Someone Grieving
First, Elmo insists that he really does want to listen to what’s troubling his friend Mr. Andrew. We watch Mr. Andrew feel a little unsure before he shares. I’m sure anyone who was not really OK when someone asked can relate to this moment, wondering, “is this person just being polite, or do they really want to know?”
I remember worrying that I’d sound like too much of a downer if I talked too much about losing my dad. Instead, I turned inward and didn’t feel like myself for months. Therapy helped me in the same way Elmo helped Mr. Andrew, by giving him the space to share without feeling like a burden.
“The way Andrew Garfield has been vulnerable about his grief is a gift. I use him as an example during grief counseling. Elmo is a great listener.”—wrote one commenter @texasnell.
Acknowledging Grief Later On
I think most people who’ve lost someone feel very supported in the beginning. There’s a funeral or memorial, a sharing of stories, texts, cards, and calls checking in. As a griever, you feel a lot of love and connection at the beginning of it all. But then moving through life without the person (or even a pet) you lost is a tough transition, especially when you realize the grief is always going to be a part of you in some way. Andrew Garfield lost his mom in 2019 to pancreatic cancer. The fact that Elmo is checking in on him years later helps acknowledge that his grief is never gone.
Reframing Grief as Love
Then the real magic moment from this video comes in. After Mr. Andrew shares his feelings about missing his mom with Elmo, Elmo says he’s sorry.
“You don’t have to say sorry,” says Mr. Andrew. “It’s actually kind of OK to miss somebody”
“It is?” Elmo asks. “Elmo always feels really sad when he misses somebody.”
“Oh yeah, me too,” says Mr. Andrew. “But you know that sadness it’s kind of a gift. It’s kind of a lovely thing to feel in a way, because it means you really loved somebody if you miss them.”
“It’s actually kind of OK to miss somebody…sadness it’s kind of a gift. It’s kind of a lovely thing to feel in a way, because it means you really loved somebody if you miss them.”
Mr. Andrew then shared some memories of his mom and how those memories make her feel closer to him. It’s touching to watch Garfield choke up and laugh. Holding space for two conflicting feelings—sadness and happiness—is tough to understand and articulate when you’re going through it, but somehow Elmo and Mr. Andrew make it easier.
Honoring Their Person, Too
A story I never heard, a photo I’d never seen, a moment that sparked a memory of my dad—these are things I still love to experience, even years after his death. Elmo does this for Mr. Andrew too when he says, “Elmo’s going to think about and celebrate your mommy, too.” Those who are grieving want to be reminded that their loved one mattered and made an impact on others, so never hesitate to share your stories or memories.
Grieving is Different for Everyone, But Those Who’ve Been There Get It
I just have to thank Sesame Street, Elmo, and Andrew Garfield for creating and sharing this moment. When I was fresh in early grief, the most meaningful words came from people who’d been there before me. They offered me hope that living with the loss would all get easier in time. And the comment section on this clip proves I’m not the only one who feels this way:
“You’ve given children the words they need to understand that it’s okay to feel sad and to miss loved ones, emphasizing that we don’t have to rush through our emotions. While there’s still much work ahead, this is an incredible start! 🙌🙌,”—@goodmourningpodcast.
“The anniversary of my dad’s passing is in a few days and…woof. This is hitting hard today, Elmo and Mr. Andrew. So much love to you both for sharing this moment with each other. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥹”—em.er.jade.
“‘You don’t have to say sorry. It’s ok to miss someone’ is such a hard, beautiful lesson.”—@briansamuelsphotography.
And as another commenter mentioned, “The language of grief is something that needs to be taught and spoken about more.” And I agree, feeling grief is “a universal experience 💛” but one we don’t have to go through alone.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
A mom of two, Kathy is passionately committed to sharing the honest, helpful—and often humorous—stories of motherhood, as she navigates her own everyday adventures of work, marriage, and parenting. She honed her creative and strategic skills at advertising agencies in Detroit and Chicago, before pivoting from marketing to editorial. Now instead of telling brand stories, she’s sharing her own, with articles published across popular parenting sites—including hundreds of stories on The Everymom.