Around the time my son’s father and I agreed to co-parent while we figured out our relationship, Adele released her song Easy on Me, and I wanted to hug her. I spent many days and nights belting out the lyrics because it was as if she had front-row tickets to my life. Even if I hadn’t been experiencing heartbreak at that time, Adele’s music has always been memorable and heartfelt. I mean, Rolling in the Deep has lived in my head rent-free since 2011. But now that I’m a mother, I relate to her music differently from before.
As moms, it can sometimes feel as though we are expected to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We’re raising children, working, and trying to maintain our relationships. This often leaves us feeling burned out and frustrated. Let’s not even talk about the sleep exhaustion.
It’s said that art imitates life, and creative people tend to put their emotions into their work. Adele invites us into hers. Each album she’s released has chronicled the different chapters of her life like an audio diary. And I’ve been loving this new chapter. Here are five motherhood lessons I’ve learned from listening to Adele’s album 30.
Admit When You Need Help
I am hyper-independent to the point where I will refuse help carrying my son and my bags inside just because I’ve done it by myself before. I don’t necessarily think anything is wrong with being independent, but who am I trying to impress by refusing help? This is something I’ve asked myself throughout my first year as a mother. After listening to My Little Love, I’m taking Adele’s advice and taking off the superwoman cape to lean on others, however that may look in a given moment.
Have the Difficult Conversations With Kids
I’ve always struggled with deciding what is or isn’t appropriate to discuss with children. In my family, my son was under the age of 1 when his father and I were experiencing issues in our relationship. In Adele’s case, she chose to talk to her son about her divorce and allowed him to express the way he felt. Her son Angelo’s voice even appears in her song My Little Love.
The topic of difficult conversations may vary, but it doesn’t take away the fact that they can arise. Adele reminded me there isn’t a clear right or wrong way to approach certain conversations with your child. Some things are just complex and, like us, they can be messy. Children may not fully understand right away, but I believe talking to them about tough things creates a space where they can also come talk to you about tough things in their own life.
Express Emotions
In Adele’s song Cry Your Heart Out, the first lines are literally, “Cry your heart out. It’ll clean your face. When you’re in doubt, go at your own pace.” As much as I tell others to freely express themselves, I haven’t always given myself the same permission. I’ve held back tears when I was extremely frustrated, only to lash out later. Cry Your Heart Out reminds me to release whatever tension I’m holding on to, no matter how I think it might look.
‘Cry your heart out. It’ll clean your face. When you’re in doubt, go at your own pace.’
My therapist also revealed a nugget of wisdom I try to remember: Humans have emotions, so therefore, we can be emotional. As simple as that sounds, it never occurred to me that I’m allowed to be emotional. I used to regard vulnerability as a sign of weakness. You know the saying, “never let them see you sweat?” I took that to heart. But I’m trying to reveal my emotions more.
It’s OK to Value Alone Time
“And I never feel lonely, I love being on my own” is something Adele shared in a voicemail to one of her friends at the end of her song My Little Love. It’s also something I say often. As much as I enjoy being a mother and spending time with loved ones, I also value moments I get to be alone. It’s one of the ways I press pause on outside noise and calm down internal stress—a moment to recharge. However, now that I am a mom, I often struggle with mom guilt and periods of loneliness when I do get moments to be by myself.
I’m relearning that spending time alone doesn’t mean I never want to be around others. It doesn’t even indicate that something is “wrong.” Sometimes, I just want to watch my favorite reality real estate shows like Selling Sunset or Ladies Who List: Atlanta with a nice glass of wine and no one calling my name for 30 minutes.
Finding Yourself Is a Process
In her song To Be Loved, Adele’s first verse alludes to how being young led her to create what she thought she wanted or needed. Later throughout the song, she touches on still finding herself and making mistakes, which I think a lot of people experience. I used to think there was a certain age we arrive at when we have everything figured out, but now I know better. Our points of view may not be as rigid as we think. We can—and will—change over the course of our lives.
Even though my relationship with my son’s father is in a much better place, I still listen to and enjoy Adele’s 30 album because it reminds me of the ebbs and flows of life and of love. There are so many things we have to grow through, and it’s OK if we don’t always make the “right” choices. We can learn from what didn’t work and go from there.
