The idea of self pleasure, especially sexual pleasure, was something that made me cringe. Sex, let alone masturbation, was something I heard about in whispers on the bus when I was younger. Friends would giggle awkwardly and we’d all deny our curiosity. It wasn’t until I was well into college that I was able to talk about sex with anyone without the fear of hyperventilating and passing out.
Growing up in a strict Catholic family, I was pretty much forbidden from things like masturbation or sex (out of marriage). If I dared to mention anything that hinted at curiosity, I would’ve been punished. Now, as a married woman of many years, I’ve started to learn that sex and pleasure are not only OK to want as a woman but are also amazing to give myself during time alone. In fact, masturbation is actually a healthy sexual activity that benefits your mental and physical health. It can help relieve stress, boost your mood, and can even relieve period cramps.
For years, men have had the freedom to discuss their sexual desires and preferences, while women were often shamed for even hinting at self pleasure or other sexual desires. Men were almost expected to watch porn and take long “showers,” while women only mentioned sex or masturbation in hushed tones. But, slowly, things are changing, thanks to the power of social media and unapologetic women like Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion who are unafraid to show the bold beauty of female sexuality.
So whether you’re looking for something new to try on your own or to try with a partner, here’s a list of my favorite sex toys.
I heard about this powerful little toy in my online moms group. When you get a bunch of moms with no filter together, it’s no surprise that you learn about amazing things like the Satisfyer Pro 2. If you have a clitoris and vagina or even just prefer clitoral stimulation, this is the toy for you. Just remember that it takes one or two tries to get the hang of the silicone head and placement to get the necessary seal. But I promise it is worth the wait! Think 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, blast off!
This vibrator is ergonomic and super affordable— just under $40 at Target. It has 10 intense vibrations that can be used for stimulating your clitoris, and when fully charged, it can last for up to an hour of fun… if you can keep going that long.
This vibrator has 20 vibration patterns and can be used not just on your love button but also on your neck, shoulders, and legs. Be warned that this baby is very powerful and has earned nearly 4,000 reviews of a 4.3 star rating on Amazon.
5 colors available
If you're looking for something that's easy to hide from your children but also gets the job done, this is the perfect product for you. I love how it's small enough to hold in my hands without worrying about them cramping halfway through, and I also love that it’s super easy to clean.
2 colors available
There's a reason why Rabbit vibrators are so popular (beyond Charlotte's endorsement in Sex and the City). They tend to hit on all the right spots; its rigid tip will hit your G-spot perfectly while the rabbit ears work on external stimulation. This one gets bonus points from me for being rechargeable and waterproof.
2 colors available
This spicy, waterproof wand vibrator—named for singer Demi Lovato—is concealed in a discreet case that can blend into any bag as you travel or need to hide it from your kids.
If you need a little extra stimulation to reach the big O during intercourse with your partner, this is a good addition to the bedroom. What I love is that the squeeze remote is designed to increase vibration the tighter you squeeze so you don’t have to stumble for the right button while you’re occupied.
This vibrator is revolutionary! While it is suggested to be used with a partner during penetrative sex, it also can be used during solo play… hands-free. The two legs nestle between your vulva to hold it in place, so you can use your hands to explore other parts of your body or just rest and focus on the sensation of its three-speed motor.
This discreet vibrator fits around an index finger and can be inserted or placed wherever you want to feel a little stimulation—perfect to use with a parter or solo!
Hold one of these wherever you want a lil’ boost during sex. It’s that easy. This has multiple speeds, so you can switch it up and have a little fun with your partner by changing the three speeds throughout. While you can obviously use this by yourself, this is an easy, unintimidating way to add a toy.
This toy has a flared based which makes it perfect for anal play. It is also easy to hold, can be used internally or externally, and very quiet. I love that this brand is one of the first truly inclusive sex toy brands that was designed to make sex toys more gender inclusive and approachable.