"Before I begin, I want to make one thing clear: All moms work. No ifs, ands, or buts. Some mothers work tirelessly inside the home. Some work outside the home. Some have their work outside the home clash with their work inside the home in this wonderful life called remote work. But regardless, we’re all working moms.
As a work-outside-the-home mom (well, hybrid to be exact), I love doing what I do. I’ve had the privilege of building a career that lets me advocate for the things I care about and feel more fulfilled as a human. And while my job could change at any point—or I could choose a different path—my worth doesn’t begin or end with my work. I’m just grateful that it brings joy and purpose to my life.
I’ve worked in environments that were very mom-friendly and parent-supportive. But for the first time in my career, I have a boss who isn’t a parent. And to say that took some adjusting would be an understatement. Here’s what I wish I could tell my boss as a working mom.
We have different priorities, and that’s OK.
One of the things I appreciate most about working in community with other women is how different our lives can look. Some of us are in a season of building careers. Some are in a season of rest or healing. Some are navigating motherhood, caregiving, or something in between. And I love that. I really do.
I also love that my boss finds purpose in her work. That being in the flow of emails, meetings, strategy, and leadership lights her up. That matters, and I see that.
For me, it looks a little different. My priorities are shaped by my life outside of work, too. I’m a mom of two little ones. And while I do my best to be present when I’m working, my kids and my home are never fully out of mind. That doesn’t mean I’m distracted. It just means I’m showing up with everything I hold.
“I do my best to be present when I’m working, my kids and my home are never fully out of mind. That doesn’t mean I’m distracted. It just means I’m showing up with everything I hold.”
So when I have to leave early to pick up my girls, or I take more days off during the fall when daycare colds are bouncing around like a game of tag, or when a 4:00 p.m. meeting is hard to manage because we’re in the middle of snack time and backseat stories, it’s not that the work isn’t important to me. It’s just not the most important thing.
I’ll still get it done. I’ll bring my best to it. But it might not happen at 4:00 p.m. on the dot. And a weekly check-in right after preschool pick-up or an 8:00 a.m. event when drop-off is at 7:45 a.m. might not always be realistic. We’re all doing our best. And we don’t need the same schedules or priorities to still do great work together.
Being an amazing mom helps me be a better employee.
Without a doubt, it was easier to focus on work before I became a mom. There were fewer distractions, fewer interruptions, and fewer emotions in the mix. But the truth is, I didn’t really know myself until I became a mother.
When I had my first baby, I completely lost who I was. My identity shifted overnight. And while it took time to grieve, rebuild, and rediscover, once I found myself again, I realized I had unlocked new parts of who I am. Parts that make me a more grounded person, a more intentional parent, and a stronger employee.
When I’m thriving in motherhood, my anxiety is lower. I feel more at peace. I know it might not make sense on paper, but when I have some version of work-life balance and flexibility, I actually do better at work.
When I’m trusted to flex my hours and work when I’m most focused or creative, I give more. When I can take care of myself, go to my daughter’s pre-k field day, or even walk the grocery aisles alone on a Friday morning without guilt or panic, I come back more ready. More present. More effective.
“When I’m trusted to flex my hours and work when I’m most focused or creative, I give more.”
Because I get to exist as a whole human. As a mother and someone passionate about her work. As a mother and an ambitious woman. And also as a mother and someone who sometimes just needs one quiet hour to herself.
I love being a mom. And I will choose my babies over any job, any day. But the hope is that I don’t have to make that choice. The hope is that my boss trusts me to be the mom I need to be while still producing excellent work. That my ability to do both is seen as a strength, not a liability.
The mom penalty is real, even if you don’t realize it.
Before becoming a mother, I hadn’t heard of the mom penalty. And even when I first learned about it, I didn’t fully understand all the ways it could show up. Some people enforce it knowingly. Others don’t realize they’re participating in a system that quietly punishes women for being both mothers and professionals.
The mom penalty shows up in how we’re paid, in who gets hired or promoted, and in how we’re treated day to day. There’s this unspoken idea that when a woman steps away to recover from birth or takes time off for a sick child, she somehow becomes less committed. Less competent. Less deserving of opportunity.
But the reality is, many of us are doing more with less time, more pressure, and less assumed grace.
It’s not always about salary. Sometimes, it’s the stares when a mom leaves early for school pick-up. The silence when she requests PTO for a preschool event. The way she’s passed over for something she’s fully qualified for because someone assumes she’s stretched too thin.
And mom bias doesn’t always come from a place of malice. Sometimes, it shows up without people realizing it. Even when the intent isn’t to judge or devalue, the impact still lands. It shows up in the frustrated sighs, the micromanaging check-ins, or the lack of understanding around a parent’s time and schedule. And while I believe we can move away from penalizing moms, it’s going to take more than just time. It starts small—within teams, within companies, within culture.
I want us both to thrive, even if that looks different.
At the end of the day, when you’re part of a company or a team, you’re working toward shared goals. You’re collaborating, creating, and building something together. We all want to be proud of what we do, and we also want to be whole.
When I think about the leaders in my life, both personally and professionally—especially the women I work alongside, report to, or guide—all I want is for us to thrive. I want to see you win. I want to support you. If your work is your passion, your focus, or your priority, I want you to excel in it and in whatever fills you up outside of it.
And I want that, too. I want to thrive as a mother, a wife, a professional, and a whole human being. That version of thriving may look different from yours. It may move slower or take place on a slightly different timeline. But it’s still full. It’s still meaningful.
The best teams and the best leaders make space for that difference. What matters most is that we create room for each other to grow. That we build systems and relationships that don’t rely on similarity but value what each of us brings. I want to help you climb whatever ladder you’re reaching for. I just hope you’ll help me do the same.
Daizha Rioland, Contributing Writer
Born and raised in Dallas, Daizha is an antiracist parenting consultant and advocate. With a unique blend of motherhood and storytelling, she seeks to shift narratives about People of The Global Majority and how they take up space in this world. A self-proclaimed coffee fanatic and taco lover, Daizha spends her days raising two young antiracist daughters, walking around the lake by her house, and binging episodes of Real Housewives of Potomac.