Editor’s Note: For children under age 1, The American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations for a safe sleep environment include putting baby to sleep on their back on a firm sleep surface, room-sharing without bed-sharing, and the avoidance of soft bedding and overheating.
It was March 2019. The pandemic had just begun and we were on full lockdown. There was so much information circulating about the virus, none of which we could understand at the moment and things were scary. It was an intense and frightening moment—it was also when my husband and I began co-sleeping with my 1-year-old daughter.
After weeks of not sleeping due to bad dreams, I woke up again in an intense sweat. I wasn’t sleeping well and would wake up in the middle of the night with the worst thoughts. My daughter was also not sleeping well.
On this particular night, she woke up in a fuss, tossing and turning. As I sat there, drenched in sweat, I instinctively reached for her and put her in bed beside me and my husband. After a few minutes, my daughter and I quickly and sweetly feel asleep. It was the best night’s sleep either of us had had in weeks.
She is now over 3 years old and has had her place in our bed ever since that moment. Truth be told, I don’t know if I can or, more importantly, want to put an end to our co-sleeping.
Source: Pavel Danilyuk | Pexels
The pandemic changed our lives in so many aspects, including sleep habits. Micaela James of the blog Mama In The World said that they started co-sleeping because their daughter was having a really hard time sleeping through the night alone. “We all got better sleep when she would sleep with us. Because of the pandemic, she has literally never been away from me, so separation anxiety is a very real thing for her. It helped us mentally as well, just to know that she was OK and not scared and sleeping!”
Sleeping with my daughter gave me a sense of peace that I greatly needed during the pandemic and, quite frankly, still do. Having my daughter curled up next to me, seeing her sweet face and breathing in and out, made me feel safe during a time that was so scary. While a part of me feels we will soon need to transition out of this phase, I don’t know if I’m ready.
Because of the pandemic, she has literally never been away from me, so separation anxiety is a very real thing for her. It helped us mentally as well, just to know that she was OK and not scared and sleeping!
“Pandemic-related stress can affect not only adults but children too. While they might not understand the whole picture, they can still feel the anxiety around them,” said Dr. Po-Chang Hsu and medical content expert at SleepingOcean. “Additionally, fear of uncertainty starts creeping in. This often leads to insomnia in young kids, and that’s when co-sleeping can come in handy.”
As was my case, sleeping with my daughter made us feel safe. “Sleeping with parents (or siblings) can bring a sense of comfort and security. Research also suggests that sleeping next to someone can help reduce cortisol levels (the notorious stress hormone). Therefore, co-sleeping can help potentially alleviate pandemic-induced anxiety in children,” Dr. Hsu said.
Sarina Jain, creator of Masala Bhangra, said when the pandemic started, her daughters were 1.5 and 3.5 years old. “When the pandemic hit, as you know, life changed. I was with them full time. When I would put them to bed, I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep with them. In the middle of the night, I would go back to my bed, but something changed and the older one wanted to snuggle with me. She would come find me and would sleep with me. Then, my younger one started to notice that she was alone in the bed, so she decided to come and sleep with me and would squeeze her way in to find a spot. They were confused as to why they couldn’t go to the park and play, why they were not in school, and why they couldn’t see their friends,” she said. “I think they found comfort knowing that I was sleeping with them. I have come to love the fact that we sleep together. They are so tiny and so small that one day, I will miss this. So I am taking it all in as much as I can.”
They are so tiny and so small that one day, I will miss this. So I am taking it all in as much as I can.
Dr. Hillary O’Connor, PT, DPT, owner at The Wellness PT said she decided to co-sleep because it was easier for night feedings. And it gave her comfort to know that her daughter was safe and sound next to her. “I felt a sense of security with my body curled around hers. Not only did it benefit my sleep, but my daughter also started to sleep more soundly and for longer stretches. I could sense the feeling of security and safety it brought her.”
The pandemic has been going for over two years, as has our co-sleeping. I’m personally in no rush to get our daughter out of our bed. I love having her cuddled next to me because I know the day will come soon when she will not want to sleep in our bed. So I plan on enjoying it while I can. With that in mind, there are ways to make that transition fun.
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How to Transition Out of Co-Sleeping
Jain said that she has started to talk about the fact that when they have their own room, they will have to share and sleep in their own bed. “I am getting them excited about having their own room as we plan to move soon. In that transition, I plan to have them sleep in their own beds, in their own room.”
Getting children to feel that sleeping in their own bed and own room is an exciting change can give them a sense of independence. Let them help pick out the bed, sheets, and pillows. Make them feel that this is something special just for them and get them involved.
Getting children to feel that sleeping in their own bed and own room is an exciting change can give them a sense of independence. Let them help pick out the bed, sheets, and pillows. Make them feel that this is something special just for them and get them involved.
For children who are younger and still breastfeeding, don’t rush. Dr. O’Connor said her 17-month-old daughter still requests night feedings. “We do not plan to transition her to her own bed until she is weaned from night feedings, which may not be until the age of 2, if she chooses to breastfeed that long.”
It’s also important to read your children and take it at their pace. Micaela said that they are working on transitioning now. “Our daughter starts every night in her own bed, and when she wakes up, if she is scared, she can come and sleep with us.” This is a good way to take it slow. Other good ways to transition are letting your child take their afternoon nap in their own bed. Slowly, they can build up to sleeping there full time.
The most important thing is to remember that you should do what you feel is best for you and your child. There are many benefits to co-sleeping, so you shouldn’t feel like you are in the wrong. Take it one day at a time. When your child specifically starts to show interest in their own bed or room, then it is obvious that they are ready for that move. But if they don’t, don’t push it. As mothers, we pick up on what our children need. During the pandemic, we needed to feel safe and loved. Co-sleeping gave my daughter and me that sense of peace. I’m glad we did it and I plan on continuing as long as we need to.
