"I, like so many young girls, started daydreaming about baby names the moment I hit puberty. Looking back, I wonder whether it was a strange thing for an 11-year-old with zero relationship experience to be fantasizing about, but I’ll blame it on the early onset of hormones and my vast only-child imagination. My favorite childhood pastime was naming all of my dolls, imaginary friends, and stuffed animals. My mom still teases me about all the times I insisted on everyone calling my “friends” by their correct names. By the time I met my husband, I had a running list of potential baby names I took very seriously. I knew he was the one when he read it with equal enthusiasm and provided his top favorites, too.
Baby names were a fun topic we frequently brought up throughout our whole relationship, and thankfully, we had a similar name style—short, romantic, with a touch of whimsy. Once we got married and the possibility of becoming parents became a closer reality, we had concrete first and middle name combos decided for a girl and boy. I was especially in love with them as they both also had nods to family names. So in love that when I stumbled across a greeting card with the same root word as one of our name choices, I immediately bought it and addressed it to my future child. And I was also so naive that I mentioned them to anyone that would listen. A mistake I’d come to regret not too long after.
The Great Offense—My Friend Stole My Baby Name
The thing is that when you mention baby names to friends, acquaintances, or family members who are also in the family planning stage, it’s easy to become their source of inspiration, whether they realize it or not. Not everyone has ill intent when choosing a baby name that’s similar to someone else’s first choice, but it’s difficult to see your favorite name the same way once someone you know uses it. Truthfully, no one has the sole right to a particular baby name. I surely didn’t, and it was unfair of me to expect no one I knew to use my dream baby name when I wasn’t even pregnant yet. But that’s the thing about dreams. They don’t have to be realistic to hurt just the same.
“No one has the sole right to a particular baby name. I surely didn’t, and it was unfair of me to expect no one I knew to use my dream baby name when I wasn’t even pregnant yet… [but it] hurt just the same.”
When a friend of mine became pregnant before me and announced her baby name choice, it was like a punch to the gut. I knew I had mentioned loving that same name in a few of our conversations, and she had shared her favorite as well, so it was shocking when she chose my pick instead. Granted, we weren’t best friends, so I wouldn’t categorize the offense in “backstabbing” territory, but there was still enough familiarity between us that it was disappointing. Regardless, I had a choice to make when I became pregnant about a year later: use the name anyway, or choose a new one?
The Choice—Still Use It or Not?
When you spend years building up an idea in your mind so much so that it becomes near certainty—how can you possibly abandon it because of a single person? Well, that’s exactly what I did.
When she first shared her baby’s name, I was adamant that I wouldn’t let that stop me from using it, too. But once her baby was born and I spent a year watching them grow into that name, I realized that I couldn’t envision it on my own baby anymore. Anytime I heard it, I’d just picture her kid instead. I’m not the type of person to name a human just because I needed to make a point—that felt spiteful. If I didn’t associate any of those negative feelings with this name, then it wouldn’t have been an issue. But I make a lot of my decisions based on emotion, and I know myself well enough to understand that I was better off mourning the idea of it and moving on.
“But I make a lot of my decisions based on emotion, and I know myself well enough to understand that I was better off mourning the idea of it and moving on.”
So, back to the drawing board, I went. I dusted off my trusty list of baby names, sat down with my husband, and we began brainstorming. Turns out, he loved the middle name we had chosen even more than the first name. The more I considered it, the more right it felt. So, it became the new first name, and we paired it with a new middle name from our list that had the same overall theme, length, and feeling as our original name. We then came up with a few nicknames we could use with the new combo, and it just clicked. It felt original while still similar enough to what we loved about our first choice.
The Lessons Learned
I can admit that if my friend hadn’t used my baby name first, I would have. So yes, I ended up changing something I really wanted because of someone else’s actions. I don’t think that any mom-to-be going through the same situation has to make the same choice, but it’s what made the most sense for me. This was the first lesson I learned since becoming a mother: Literally nothing ever goes “according to plan” when you have kids. And honestly, sometimes, it’s a blessing in disguise. The first moment I looked at my daughter, I understood why everything happened the way it did. She was meant to be exactly who she is—better than I could have ever imagined.