"Like every other night, it was time for a few bedtime stories and recounting our days as I put my son to bed. I got into bed with him like always, and he leaned over to rest his head on my belly. As he lay there, he poked and prodded at my soft belly, almost as if he was kneading bread. It happened before, by him and my younger daughter, so it didn’t catch me off guard. But the question that followed certainly did. “Mom, why is this so squishy? And why are you so big?” Stunned, I paused for a few moments, not quite sure what to say. It was the first time I’d ever been questioned about my body size so directly, and now that it had happened, I knew I had to answer it very carefully.
I am what society would consider obese. I am over 200 pounds with a soft squishy belly, tiger stripes (AKA stretch marks), thick thighs, and a big butt. The cold hard truth was that my kid called me fat. I grew up in the diet times of the ’90s, where almost everywhere you turned, someone was trying to make their body smaller through Slim Fast meal replacement drinks or Jenny Craig. I’ve been a size 8 up to a 22 and everywhere in between. Body image conversations were very prevalent in my childhood home, and I remember going on my first real diet with Weight Watchers in college.
I’m not knocking diets or people who want to change their bodies—your body is yours, and you get to decide what you want to do with it. What I’m saying is that as a person who has lived in a larger body (compared to societal standards) for most of her life, I am very aware that people, even young kids, are curious about body types like mine and how they got to be the way they are.
Having body size conversations with my kids
When I found out I was having a daughter a few years back, I was so excited, and soon after, I knew I had to get my body image issues in check. I struggled with accepting my body way before I had kids—always wishing I was smaller than I was. And I didn’t want to pass down those same issues to my son or daughter.
Little kids are always watching what you say and do. And even without words, they can pick up unsaid messages and meanings and run with it. I want my kids to see a mom who takes care of her body by having fun, engaging in movement, eating a range of good food, etc. It’s important that my kids have a strong relationship with their bodies, always tuning in to listen to what it’s saying it needs, and for them to truly understand that bodies come in all shapes, sizes, abilities, and skin tones.
What I want to teach my kids
As a plus-size mom, this is what I’m teaching my kids about their bodies:
1. The Size Of Your Body Is Not a Limitation
There are plus-size bodies in the Olympics, in politics, touring worldwide, and overall making a lasting impact on society. The size of your body does not limit your potential to work hard and follow your dreams. Will there be people along the path that state otherwise? Absolutely. But the truth is that you are capable and worthy of doing exactly what you want to do, no matter your size.
2. Your Health Is More Important Than Your Size
One thing I know to be true is that fat doesn’t equal unhealthy, just like skinny doesn’t equal healthy. What healthy looks like changes from person to person, and it’s up to you to decide what that means in your life. For some, eating a lot of leafy green vegetables is a part of their healthy journey. For others, too many leafy greens could interfere with critical medication or gut issues. One size fits all does not apply when it comes to health. As a part of creating a good relationship with your body, be curious about what feels good to you—including food, movement, sleep habits, and more.
3. You Do Not Have to Apologize For Your Body
You are allowed to take up space. Regardless of how your body looks, you deserve to feel safe and respected in this world. If others feel uncomfortable around you because of your body, it is none of your business and not your problem. No matter if you have a larger body or a smaller body, you can enjoy all the things available to you in this lifetime, and you do not have to apologize for existing in those spaces.
How I handled the bedtime body size conversation
As far as what I said to my son that night in his bed? Well, I told him that mommy grew him and his baby sister both for nine months in this squishy belly. And that all bodies look different, and mine happens to look like this. But even though I have a larger, softer, squishier body—I can still run, jump, play, and squeeze them just like anybody else.
Laura Adom, Contributing Writer
Laura is a freelance writer, mother, and wife living in Columbus, Ohio. She is passionate about skipping the small talk and sharing the unfiltered truths and taboo topics of motherhood and womanhood. When she’s not writing, you’ll find her enthralled in a mystery book, eating tacos, or creating core memories with her family.