I confess: sometimes I just can’t help telling my daughters they look pretty. It’s so hard not to blurt out how stinking cute they look in their ballet gear, dress-up clothes, or the mismatched outfit they chose for the day. It takes a conscious effort for me to ensure my balance of compliments leans more towards truths about who my kids are, rather than how they look.
We are just getting to know our kids’ personalities when they’re babies and toddlers. As they grow, we might begin to understand whether they’re adventurous, talkative, observant, or outgoing. We might know what makes them cranky or the face they make when they need a diaper change, but we’re only beginning to discover who they are as people. So, it’s understandable we can’t stop talking about their cuteness at first. Plus, it’s science; humans are drawn to adorable babies (and puppies, too).
But, as our own children grow and we observe what makes them special, it’s important to give compliments and praise to build their confidence, help them form healthy relationships, and shine a light on what makes them special. Here’s how to start.
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Why non-appearance-based compliments matter for kids
Surface compliments are also easier because they’re right in front of us. Think of how many times you’ve complimented a stranger on their outfit or asked where they found their cute handbag. We don’t know these people, so unless we observe them doing something extra kind, we can’t really give them a more meaningful compliment. However, when adults focus only on outward appearance-based compliments for kids, children could see their self-worth tied to their appearance—not their abilities, effort, creativity, curiosity, or character. The following non-appearance-based compliments for kids go deeper.
Keep reading for 45 kind compliment ideas you can try today.
Compliments for kids to build strong relationships
1. You have such a good heart.
2. You are a kind friend.
3. You give the best hugs.
4. You were so thoughtful today.
5. You were/are a great listener.
6. You had such a positive attitude today, and it made me smile.
7. I’m proud of how honest you were.
8. You showed a lot of patience.
9. You were a great teammate.
10. You made them feel included—that matters.
11. I noticed you (kind action you witnessed).
Confidence-building compliments for kids
Experts have said it helps to praise the process, not only the outcome, for our kids. Here are some examples of how to compliment your kids on their effort and determination:
12. You’ve really been practicing (new skill), I notice you’ve improved.
13. Your teacher is going to be impressed by the work you’ve put into .
14. Excellent job getting ready today!
15. Great job putting that outfit together.
16. You are such a good helper when you brush your teeth/get dressed/grab your backpack all by yourself.
17. I like how you tried a different way when the first one didn’t work.
18. I’m proud of how hard you worked on .
19. You’re learning so much this year—your hard work is really paying off.
20. That was brave of you to try something new.
21. I’m proud you want to try this yourself.
22. You spoke up for yourself—that’s important.
23. I can tell you’re proud of yourself, and you should be.
24. I noticed you didn’t give up when it got hard.
25. I trust you to handle this.
Character-building compliments for kids
26. I love your curiosity.
27. You ask such thoughtful questions.
28. You put a lot of thought into that.
29. I can feel your passion about .
30. I enjoy listening to your stories.
31. It’s so fun to watch you play (sport or hobbie).
32. You’re so creative, tell me how you thought of this.
33. I’m going to think about (funny or heartwarming thing your child did) if I need to smile today.
34. You have the best laugh.
35. Your smile makes me smile.
36. You’re really funny!
37. You come up with interesting ideas.
Family-based compliments for kids
38. I feel happy I get to wake up with you in my family.
39. I love spending time with you.
40. I’m grateful for you.
41. It’s so fun to watch you learning and growing every day.
42. You helped make my day a happy one.
43. You are such a helpful big brother/sister.
44. I always look forward to seeing you at the beginning and end of each day.
45. You are such a great role model in our family.
And, it goes without saying: saying “I love you” is a great compliment any time.
Printable list of compliments for kids
FAQs
Why shouldn’t you compliment kids on appearance?
It’s not that parents should never compliment a child’s appearance, but rather ensure a balance. When adults focus only on outward appearance-based compliments, kids begin to see their self-worth tied to their appearance—not their abilities, effort, creativity, curiosity, character, etc.
What are good confidence-building compliments?
Notice and praise their effort, for example, “That was brave of you to try something new,” and I noticed you didn’t give up when it got hard.” You can also demonstrate your trust in their abilities, “I trust you to handle this.”
How often should you praise kids?
Research often cites a 4:1 or 5:1 of praise to criticism ratio when it comes to kids—and adults, too. Negative feedback tends to have more of an impact, so balance it out with more positive compliments and feedback.
Kathy Sisson, Senior Editor
Kathy Sisson has been a key contributor in the editorial parenting space for eight years, not only as a full-time editor at The Everymom but previously as a freelance writer for top parenting sites, including Scary Mommy, Motherly, Parent Co., and more. As an editor at The Everymom, she has produced hundreds of articles on a range of parenting topics, reviewed dozens of family-focused products, interviewed leading experts in the children and parenting world, and created viral parenting social media content. A mom of two, she is committed to sharing the honest, helpful, and often humorous stories of motherhood.
