A couple of months ago, I snapped one Saturday afternoon. I mean, fully snapped, into a level of rage that should only be reserved for say, finding out that the Eras tickets you spent a small fortune on are fakes (luckily, that part is not a true story).
What triggered the intense anger? I can’t tell you. But it wasn’t anything remotely worthy of the subsequent feelings. I went from slightly annoyed to breathing fire with steam coming out of my ears. Maybe my husband was chewing too loudly, or one of the kids was tapping their feet too much. I don’t know, but it was something along those lines.
After I calmed down, I felt embarrassed. I know how to keep my emotions in check, and certainly have learned to let little nuisances roll off my back. But it keeps happening, where I suddenly become so incredibly angry over something fairly insignificant.
Turns out, I’m just experiencing one of the more frustrating and common side effects of perimenopause. Read on to learn more about what perimenopause rage is and if there is anything you can do about it.
Helen Stearns, AGNP, Certified Menopause Practitioner
Helen Stearns is a Adult-Gernotology Nurse Practitioner (AGNP) and certified menopause practitioner who has over 20 years of experience in healthcare across several different specialities. Her mission is to empower women by providing personalized care, essential knowledge, and effective tools to optimize their health.
Jessica Barac, Registered Nutritionist
Jessica Barac is a registered nutritionist as well as the popular content creator behind ‘What the Menopause,’ a women’s health focused Instagram account where she has over 1 million followers. Jessica believes that health is not a one size fits all equation, and focuses on developing nutrition plans that empower you to feel your very best in midlife and for the rest of your life.
What is perimenopause rage?
All women will go through menopause. This means at some point your periods will fully stop, signaling the end of your reproductive years. Unfortunately, that means that all women also go through the lead up to menopause, known as perimenopause.
The average age for a woman to go through menopause is 52, but the fun perimenopause symptoms can start as early as ten years before.
If symptoms like disrupted sleep, weight gain, and hot flashes weren’t enough, increased irritability and anger are also on the agenda for most women.
“Perimenopausal rage or anger is often seen or experienced as intense, with a sudden onset,” says Helen Stearns, Adult-Gerontology Nurse Practitioner (AGNP) and Certified Menopause Practitioner. “It often appears or feels irrational and out of proportion to the trigger.”
Why is perimenopause rage so common?
You can blame your shifting hormones for perimenopause symptoms like anger and irritability.
“Estrogen helps boost serotonin, our ‘happy’ brain chemical,” explains Jessica Barac, registered nutritionist and content creator behind the popular What the Menopause Instagram account. “So when estrogen levels fluctuate and drop, serotonin dips too, which makes irritability more likely and reduces our ability to regulate anger.”
She also says that declining progesterone also plays a role in exacerbating feelings of irritability and volatility. Progesterone acts as a chill pill for your body, so as there’s less of it, you’re likely to be more irritable.
“Progesterone acts as a chill pill for your body, so as there’s less of it, you’re likely to be more irritable.”
The good news, if you can call it that, is that almost every woman you know going through perimenopause will be able to empathize with you.
Search through social media, and you’ll find reels like this one and this one with thousands of women commenting about how they’re experiencing the same thing.
“Mood changes are one of the most universal symptoms of this transition,” Barac says. “One survey of over 6,000 women found that 95% reported negative mood changes, and research suggests up to 70% cite irritability as their main emotional complaint during perimenopause.”
And watch out, perimenopause can make PMS symptoms more pronounced, so the week before your period, you might feel especially irritable.
How to deal with perimenopause rage
“Rage isn’t something women should just ‘tolerate,’” stresses Barac. “If it feels overwhelming, if you’re snapping at loved ones constantly, or if it’s scaring you, it’s worth seeking support, whether that’s medical, therapeutic, or lifestyle-based.”
From a medical perspective, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is a strategy many women use to help with perimenopause symptoms. You’ll need to talk to your doctor about HRT, as everyone’s dosage will be different. But taking a combination of estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone to get your hormones aligned again is medically proven to help symptoms.
“At the risk of sounding cliche,” Stearns adds, “mood fluctuations can be greatly improved or controlled by the basics: stress management, daily exercise or movement, good sleep, and good nutrition.”
Things like trying to keep your blood sugar stable to avoid becoming hangry can also help.
When you feel the perimenopausal rage coming on, Barac says things like stepping outside for a minute, taking a couple of deep breaths, or hugging someone can help you calm down.
Perimenopause rage won’t last forever
Time for a sigh of relief. You may not ever experience perimenopause rage, but if you do, know it won’t last forever.
“Once things settle in post-menopause, most women report feeling calmer, steadier, and even more liberated,” says Barac. “For many, rage gives way to a greater sense of peace and self-assurance.”
Until then, though, know that you’re not alone, that your husband’s loud breathing is actually cause for a meltdown.
Elliott Harrell, Contributing Writer
Elliott is a mom of two little girls and is based in Raleigh, NC. She spends her days running a sales team and doing laundry and her nights writing about the things that she loves. She’s passionate about all things motherhood and women’s health. When she’s not working, writing or parenting you can find her trying a new restaurant in town or working on her latest needlepoint project.
