When I pictured my life, I had always imagined having three children, but after struggling emotionally with our second baby—both during pregnancy and postpartum—my husband and I decided two kids was right for us. I was madly in love from the moment my second baby was born, but he came during COVID, and having a baby during quarantine took its toll. Laid off from my teaching job, and being home with a fussy infant, as I watched others start to reenter the world and their social spheres was lonely and isolating. I was sad to give up the family in my imagination, but I knew it was the right decision for the family of my reality.
A little more than three years later, I was sick and tired of depending on the birth control methods that had taken me through my 20s and 30s. I finally decided to get an IUD, which I hoped would also give me some relief from my intense periods.
The insertion of the IUD went fine. It was easy—the procedure wasn’t painful for me as it is for many others, and soon I was given the go-ahead to discontinue any back-up birth control methods I’d been using. In the next few months, though, I started experiencing side effects that I really wasn’t prepared for, which would lead to something else unexpected—getting pregnant after having an IUD.
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Unexpected IUD side effects
I started bleeding, and it didn’t stop. It felt like a period that stretched on and on. My gynecologist checked me out and said everything was fine, that while the extended bleeding wasn’t a super common symptom, it should eventually stop, and I’d likely still get the mild-to-nonexistent periods I’d been hoping for. My doctor had said I might stop getting a period altogether. According to the Mayo Clinic, around half of women who get a hormonal IUD, as I did, will eventually stop getting a period, and very light or irregular periods are also common. But a few weeks later, the bleeding got worse. One weekend, I started bleeding through tampons so quickly I could barely keep up. The bleeding became so heavy that I put in a call to the emergency line for my gynecology practice.
But by the time my doctor returned my call on Monday, I’d stopped bleeding. It had been almost three months since I’d been adjusting to the IUD, and finally, it felt like my body was getting used to it. I tucked in for the calm after the storm.
How I knew I was pregnant with an IUD
My husband and I were visiting his family that summer when I started feeling nauseous. Foods I’d always liked made me gag, but what really told me something was up was my sudden aversion to wine. I loved my wine. On the long drive home from our visit, I mentioned the nausea to my husband. I teased him that it felt like I was pregnant, but we both laughed that off. According to Planned Parenthood, IUDs are more than 99 percent effective—one of the best methods available for preventing pregnancy. They’re also supposed to last between three and 12 years. No way could I be one of the unlucky few in that under one percent group. I hadn’t had another period since that heavy bleeding had stopped two months earlier, but I assumed I’d just stopped having them, like my doctor said I might.
When we got home, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. I had an unused pregnancy test stashed from years before, when we had been trying to conceive my son, and I figured I might as well just rule it out. The test probably wasn’t even good anymore, after so much time, but it was there, so I took it.
In the moments that followed, even before those double lines appeared, I knew. Despite the IUD, despite the fact that I was 40 years old, despite that I was definitely not having any more children, I knew I was pregnant. The little stick confirmed my gut feeling, and I began to panic about the potential dangers of becoming pregnant while having an IUD. It was after office hours, so I knew I wouldn’t reach my OB-GYN, but I left a message and headed to the ER.
Confirming my pregnancy with an IUD
That night, an ER doctor confirmed my unexpected pregnancy, and I got to see an image of the little bean growing inside me for the first time. What I could not see, and what the sonogram technician also could not find, was any sign of my IUD.
My first feeling at seeing that screen was joyful. I was still totally shocked that it was happening, but that tiny voice inside me that had once daydreamed about another baby took over in that moment. My husband had not shared in that fantasy with me. Two kids always felt right to him, and our lives already felt turned upside down by my son and his older sister. My husband’s first feeling was probably shock, but it turned quickly into irritation. He is not proud of his reaction now, and it still hurts more than a year later.
Weighing our options after an unexpected pregnancy
I scheduled an appointment with my OB-GYN for the next day. It was a little awkward—it wasn’t my doctor’s fault that my IUD had failed, but she was the one who had inserted it, and I’m sure she was prepared for me to be pretty upset about it. I wasn’t upset, though; I was excited. I knew that this would be a game-changer, but I also felt like it was fate: I was meant to have this baby.
My husband wasn’t excited
My husband didn’t feel the same. He wanted to talk about abortion. In theory, I should have been right there with him. I am proudly, fiercely pro-choice. I had an abortion in my early 20s and was unequivocal in my feeling that it was the right decision. My husband’s points in favor of terminating were also very valid.
We had gone through a very shaky period in our marriage recently, and as much as we adored our kids, parenting was also really hard on both of us. I was incredibly stressed out in my teaching position and had been making plans to try to find something else. My husband loved his teaching job, but it’s demanding work, and we both already felt stretched thin. Plus, I was 40, and had little doubt that another pregnancy would be difficult for me, both physically and emotionally.
But I was keeping the pregnancy
But I knew that there was no way I could terminate the pregnancy. My husband thought it was unfair that I got to make the decision unilaterally, which incensed me. Some people will vehemently disagree with me here, I’m sure, but I believe that once a woman becomes pregnant, it is her decision alone what to do with the pregnancy, married or not. Men sign over those rights when they engage in sex. True, he thought we were protected against pregnancy, but so did I. We both knew that there was still a risk, however small, of getting pregnant while using any birth control method besides abstinence.
Challenges after deciding to keep the pregnancy
I kept the pregnancy. What followed were some of the most stressful, miserable months of my life. I had never been one of those women who loved being pregnant, but this time was worse than I remembered from my first two children. Depression is a struggle I’ve had for years, and I have managed it with medication. I opted to continue my meds during pregnancy, but my symptoms returned anyway. I felt incredibly depressed and overwhelmed. My temper was short with everyone, and I absolutely dreaded going to work every day. In hindsight, I think my job was the biggest contributor to my misery. But we couldn’t afford for me to quit, and there were no other options at the time.
Midway through my pregnancy, my sister suggested I come for a visit to clear my head for a few days. But she lives in Tennessee, where laws regarding women’s health are very restrictive. I worried that if anything went wrong with my pregnancy, I wouldn’t be able to get the treatment I needed. I turned down her invitation.
Later, I looked into taking a short-term leave from work to relieve my feelings of anxiety and depression. But paid leave was unavailable to me, and since I’d be using unpaid family leave to stay out of work for the remainder of the school year once the baby was born, I knew we couldn’t afford it. It was a long and difficult winter, and my only respite was knowing that I’d be meeting my new baby in just a few months.
Welcoming our third baby
Two weeks before my due date, I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. My family’s love for the new baby was instantaneous. Everyone adored our teeny tiny new bundle. And as soon as I was no longer pregnant, my mood shifted dramatically. In stark contrast to the pregnancy, I was blissfully happy postpartum. I have always loved that newborn phase, and this one felt even better, like it had rescued me from a life I didn’t want to be living.
My husband and I had discussed my feelings about work a lot during the pregnancy, and had agreed that I should stay home with the baby the following school year. The sense of relief I felt knowing I would not be going back into a classroom in September told me that it was time to start really thinking about my career and considering some of my other options.
A new motherhood experience
My new daughter was very attached to me from the beginning. While my first two kids could be passed around to anyone without making a fuss, this baby wanted me and only me. It made my third experience as a mom feel entirely unique, and I was just so grateful.
My older children were excited and helpful
I spent hours snuggling the baby while she slept, and she slept a lot. I had expected my two older children to love this new baby, but I had no idea how much they’d treasure their little sister. My daughter, at seven, swooped right into the big sister—caregiver role, even waking up to the baby’s cries in the middle of the night and asking to help with her feeding. My son, at four, made it his job to get his baby sister laughing. He’d sit with her, making silly faces and noises, keeping her entertained while I cooked dinner or washed out the baby bottles. The baby loved the attention from both of her siblings. Once again, it made the experience feel so different. Now I had kids old enough to actually appreciate a baby, and even help out with her a little bit.
My husband was thrilled to have another daughter
Even though we’d both be just as happy to have another son, my husband was thrilled to have a second daughter. To us, this baby felt special in a way we couldn’t quite explain. Perhaps it was simply the unlikely scenario of her having made it to us against the odds. And despite his initial doubts, my husband says life has only gotten better since she was born. Looking back, he said his reaction to my pregnancy mostly stemmed from the pressure he worried it would put on our marriage. He was afraid we wouldn’t survive the stress of another child, especially so fresh off a really tough phase in our relationship. Now, seven months in as a family of five, my husband says he thinks the whole family is stronger and happier than ever.
What happened to my IUD?
Shortly after I gave birth, someone appeared in my hospital room to wheel me to Radiology. No exam I’d had while pregnant had ever turned up any sign of my IUD, and now that it was safer for me to have an X-ray, my doctor wanted to make sure it wasn’t still inside me somewhere. It wasn’t. In a follow-up visit, my OB said it would remain a mystery, but I likely passed the IUD in a blood clot during that period of heavy bleeding.
This was an interesting bit of trivia, but I no longer cared how or when my birth control had failed. Just like with my other two children, from the moment my baby girl made her appearance, I couldn’t imagine life without her. Reflecting on this, I am very aware of how it signals my immense privilege. For many women, an unexpected pregnancy could be absolutely devastating—especially in places where doctors were being disempowered from providing pregnant women with life-saving care. I will never take for granted my access to essential women’s health care, and I won’t stop lobbying until this basic human right is restored to every woman in the U.S.
“For many women, an unexpected pregnancy could be absolutely devastating—especially in places where doctors were being disempowered from providing pregnant women with life-saving care.”
Final thoughts after an unexpected pregnancy with an IUD
Our baby is seven months old now, and the most joyful part of our family’s day. So far, we’ve managed the transition to a single income thanks to some savings and a shoestring budget. And this time away from work, bonding with my baby girl has noticeably improved my mood. I’m not sure what the future will bring in terms of returning to work, and that uncertainty is scary—especially at my age. My early 40s have not been in any way what I once imagined they’d be, but my baby is here, and she is unconditionally loved. She was a surprise, a shock, even, but in the end, such a good one.
Megan Pareja, Contributing Writer
Megan Pareja moved back to her hometown in Upstate New York to teach middle school English and raise a family. She has a BA in English from Trinity Washington University and a master’s degree in secondary education from UMass Amherst. She lives with her husband and their three children in her childhood home. Before teaching, Megan worked as a newspaper reporter on Martha’s Vineyard and in Oak Park, IL.
