My 4-year-old sister’s room was so messy that you couldn’t see the floor. Walking in there required strategy; avoiding the painful plastic toys that felt like pinecones underfoot. As her tidier, older sister, six years her senior, I sometimes took it upon myself to restore order. I’d toss cheap Happy Meal toys, organize plastic tubs, and hang her shirts and dresses. It took hours. Within days, it returned to its messy state.
Our mother, a relaxed Type-B personality, wasn’t bothered. “It’s her space,” she’d say. “She can do what she wants.” A few years later, my parents downsized, and we were asked to share a bedroom. I worried about living in close quarters with her, but we ended up being “roommates” in the truest sense.
Courtney Morgan, a licensed therapist and co-founder of TherapyList, says that many parents internalize the belief that “successful” families provide children with their own spaces. In reality, “sharing a bedroom isn’t a failure or a disadvantage,” she says, and “despite the expected sibling bickering, there are some benefits to children.”
I spoke with Morgan and other experts to better understand the pros and cons of children sharing a bedroom.
You May Also Like:
- Interior Designers Share Their Decor Tips for Siblings Sharing a Bedroom
- Surprising New Research Reveals How Parents May Impact Sibling Relationships
Meet the experts
Courtney Morgan, LPCC-S, Co-Founder of TherapyList
Courtney Morgan is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Kentucky. She is passionate about cultivating resilience, empowering confidence, and building positive self-worth in her clients. By starting TherapyList, she hopes to remove the barriers that keep people from getting the mental health support they deserve.
Dr. Jessica Scher Lisa, Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Jessica Scher Lisa is the founder of a thriving group practice specializing in neurodiversity-affirming assessment and treatment. Her clinical work is grounded in the belief that ethical, effective care requires approaches that honor neurodivergent lived experience, context, and strengths. Her approach integrates evidence-informed practice with real-world clinical application.
Blanka Molnar, Parenting Coach and Family Practitioner
Blanka Molnar is a wife, mom, conscious parenting coach, and family constellation practitioner who is here to work with you and your family to raise your awareness and shift your perspective as a parent. Her mission is to contribute to raising a mentally, physically, and emotionally healthier generation.
What it was like sharing a bedroom with my sibling
We pushed our twin beds together and fell asleep whispering. For the first time, my sister told me, she didn’t feel so scared at bedtime. And I, prone to night anxiety, loved having her close. Sharing a room taught us to compromise and appreciate each other.
Because of that season, I believe sharing a room can be a gift for kids. Still, when it came to making my own children share space, I felt a sense of shame. “Aren’t you going to buy a bigger house?” People asked when I was pregnant with my third child. Suddenly, our cozy home felt small. I worried things would become too crammed and chaotic—and not giving them their own room was somehow a failure. But the experts shared a different perspective.
The benefits of sharing a room with a sibling
Children who share a room learn to set healthy boundaries and respect space
Sharing a room with my sister wasn’t always hunky dory. After all, she was still my messy little sister, and I occasionally had to lecture her to clean up her area.
Children who share a room will likely argue—sometimes daily. Personality differences,
sleeping habits, and the desire for privacy can create friction. As a parent, it can feel tiring and defeating.
But here’s the good news—negotiating routines, respecting shared belongings, and repairing small conflicts can build emotional maturity over time, says Jessica Scher Lisa, founder and clinical psychologist at Empowering Minds Consulting.
It also teaches them to recognize and voice their own needs—and their siblings’—setting a strong foundation for their future platonic and romantic relationships, adds Blanka Molnar, a parenting coach.
To help things go smoothly, Morgan recommends the following:
- A designated quiet time to allow kids to decompress.
- Deciding what is a “family toy” versus what belongs to a specific child, balancing ownership with cooperation.
- Assigning children specific cleaning jobs.
Sharing a room can foster a growth mindset
Children who share space with their siblings often develop growth mindsets, including responsibility, strong cooperation, and conflict-resolution skills, says Lisa.
When kids share a room, things don’t always go as planned. Over time, this nurtures their ability to problem-solve, adjust, and adapt, Molnar says.
Sharing a room can foster gratitude and empathy
We can all teach our children to practice polite “thank yous,” but sharing a room is the next level. It’s teaching thankfulness for a “sibling, a support, somebody to rely on, who they can share their life (joy and struggles) with,” Molnar says. It’s a quiet appreciation for having someone close by, she adds. Research also shows that sharing a room can strengthen a child’s empathy.
So while we may be tempted to measure success by bedrooms, perhaps it’s time we recognize that sharing has benefits that can’t be measured in square feet. I’m telling myself this as I adjust to my boys in close quarters.
Final thoughts on siblings sharing a bedroom
As for my sister and me, I’m grateful for the memories and the friendship that carried into adulthood. Believe it or not, she’s the cleaner one. Proof that our childhood tendencies aren’t permanent character traits, and that we keep learning and growing long after we outgrow our twin beds.
Kris Ann Valdez, Contributing Writer
Kris Ann Valdez is a mom and freelance journalist who covers parenting, lifestyle, and science-based topics. Beyond The Everymom, Kris Ann contributes to national outlets such as Good Housekeeping, Parents, and Scary Mommy. She’s also the creator of “The Guide Girl,” a Substack dedicated to inspiring writers to pursue publication.
