"In a recent training with my company’s HR team, I cringed when I heard myself described out loud. All of my company’s people managers were going through annual performance review training, and the facilitator was describing the different types of employees at an organization. A-Players, or top performers, she explained, were those employees willing to go above and beyond in their roles and who constantly push to get to the next level in their careers. These are employees that the company would try to retain at all costs as they make an organization better. A-Players, she said, are what continue to raise the bar for talent at an organization.
That used to be me. After college, I fell hook, line, and sinker for the societal narrative that to have a successful career, you need to keep climbing the corporate ladder. In my 20s and early 30s, I set my sights on becoming a Vice President of a company or maybe even a member of the C-suite and poured all of my efforts into career progression.
I hustled hard at work, putting in extra hours, taking on additional responsibilities, and going the extra mile. Regularly, I’d be the first person in the office and the last person there at night. I was eager for feedback on how to improve to get to the next level and took any crumbs of advice to heart.
And it paid off. I steadily made my way up the ladder from an entry-level position up to a senior director level. At every company, I was a top performer, and my paychecks grew, as did my titles and responsibilities.
I stopped climbing the corporate ladder
Somewhere along the way, I lost all my steam, and now I’m what HR would call a ‘Steady Eddie.’ I show up to work on time, hit all of my deadlines, take pride in doing my current job well, and get positive feedback from my manager. By all measures, I’m still a great employee.
But I’m no longer going to move mountains to try to make myself stand out or work insane hours just to deliver something marginally early. And I’m no longer angling to try to get a promotion. In fact, there are plenty of days when I think about how nice it would be to shed some responsibilities and take a step back.
“I’m no longer angling to try to get a promotion. In fact, there are plenty of days when I think about how nice it would be to shed some responsibilities and take a step back.”
‘Steady Eddies’ are fine to have around for a while, the HR rep noted, but as the organization’s talent levels up, managers should look to coach these employees up or out. The training went on to stress that keeping non-ambitious employees long-term isn’t a path to success for the organization, and these employees shouldn’t be eligible for promotions or big raises.
Hence the cringe. To hear the HR team so bluntly characterize my current work ethos and compare it to where I started was tough, but I value different things now than I did in my 20s. I also don’t know how I could be a mom and continue to be that ambitious at the same time.
My definition of success has changed
As I was climbing the corporate ladder, I was motivated by the recognition of being a top performer, the desire to contribute to company decisions, and by my paycheck. People typically make more money the better the title or the greater the responsibilities they have, which is one reason success is typically associated with climbing higher and higher.
My priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older and had kids. I’d love more money, but I’m motivated by having more flexibility in my role now. The ability to log on a bit later if I need to take one of my kids to the pediatrician and the ability to work from home is crucial so that I can attempt to balance making dinner, doing laundry, orchestrating appointments and after-school activities, trying to keep the house somewhat presentable, and all of the other things that come with being a working mom.
While more money would always be nice, I would without a doubt say ‘no’ to other roles carrying higher compensation if it meant a loss in flexibility or a mandate to return to an office full-time. The extra money wouldn’t be able to compensate for the freedom I have now to mold my schedule around being a mom, which is my top priority.
Being ambitious requires trade-offs I don’t want to make
The plain and simple truth is that you can’t have it all. I already feel underwater trying to balance getting enough quality time with my husband, doing a good job at work, and trying to be a good mom. Trying to progress my career would inevitably mean tradeoffs for my family, like getting up even earlier to try to squeeze in some laundry before the morning rush or paying to outsource it. It would mean missing kiddo activities in the afternoon or working late in the night to hit deadlines if I wanted to take my daughter to ballet.
“You can’t have it all… Trying to progress my career would inevitably mean tradeoffs for my family. It would mean missing my kid’s activities or working late in the night to hit deadlines if I wanted to take my daughter to ballet.”
Frankly, I just don’t want to do that. I have plenty of mom friends who are still climbing the corporate ladder, and I applaud them. But I’ve seen the trade-offs they have to make, and it often seems that the extra money they make in a bigger role just gets eaten up by having to outsource more tasks to keep the house running. That isn’t worth it to me, especially when bigger roles carry even more stress and responsibilities than I currently have.
It makes me tired to even think about how I’d take on a new role when I feel like I can barely figure life out now with the current comfort and flexibility I have in my current one.
Work is no longer my whole identity
The biggest reason why I have no desire to get to the next level? It just isn’t important to me anymore. I spent so much of my 20s and early 30s overly committed to my career. My identity was too closely tied to my work. It’s probably one of the reasons why I did so well so quickly, but getting married and having kids showed me that’s not how I want to live life moving forward.
I’ve put a lot of effort into getting where I am today, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to stay where I am. I will always take pride in trying to do a great job in whatever role that I’m in, but I don’t think I should be penalized for being a ‘Steady Eddie.’