I’m Entering My Kids’ Extracurriculars Era—And I’m Not Ready for the Changes

Parenthood can sometimes feel like a never-ending checklist of transitions. As soon as you have a particular stage figured out—with a well-maintained routine to boot—life changes. In the last five years, I went from no kids to three. There are some transitions I’ve mastered (sending my babies to daycare for the first time), others I knew to overprepare for (sending my oldest off to preschool), and one that has shocked me more than I ever would have expected: Adding extracurricular activities for kids to the mix. 

This fall, my 5-year-old started playing organized hockey. Shortly after, my 3-year-old started taking music and movement class, as well as piano lessons. While we had dabbled in tee ball and swim lessons previously, something about this recent batch of organized hobbies has thrown our family for a loop. 

And it’s not just a matter of our shared iCalendar now resembling a bingo board. This new phase has been an emotional upheaval and an adjustment to sleep schedules. It’s also been a test of my and my husband’s patience, resilience, and coaching abilities. Suffice it to say, it’s been a lot. This new stage has brought a lot of unexpected feelings as my kids participate in more organized sports and hobbies.

Here’s what the extracurricular era has looked like for our family so far and how we’re embracing it moving forward. 

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I’m mourning my family’s early years 

The moment I became a mom, I found my purpose. And I loved being a newborn mom so much more than I expected. Then I became a two-under-2 mom. And less than six months ago, we brought home our third child. Having a baby or toddler in the house has been a constant these past five years. Because of this, being a mother to very young children—and only very young children—became a part of my identity.

Of course, I was aware that my children would eventually get bigger and grow up. But it happened so much sooner than I expected. Adding extracurricular activities for my kids has been a wonderful transition in so many ways—but it has also brought growing pains for our family. =

“Adding extracurricular activities for my kids has been a wonderful transition in so many ways—but it has also brought growing pains for our family.”

After the hustle and bustle of the day is over, I find myself missing the quiet, cozy years that marked when our family was just starting out. There wasn’t any school drama or a booked social calendar. It was just us and the world we were creating. 

Now, things look a bit different. The weekends don’t always belong to just us. Sometimes we have to share them with hockey practice, swim lessons, or tee ball games. And our kids’ self-esteem is no longer fueled solely by our praises—peer interactions and healthy competition have entered the chat. 

Family dinners have become a rarity

Not so long ago, family dinner was a normal part of our everyday routine. It included a baby and a toddler waiting happily at the table while my husband and I plated up fresh, homemade meals. 

While I knew we were privileged to always have food on the table, I took for granted how peaceful and self-assured this simple routine was. Dinner was at the same time every day, and every person was always at the table. 

Nowadays, what was once commonplace has become a special occasion. This winter, we have at least one kid’s extracurricular activity (whether it be practice or a lesson) Monday through Thursday. While I know this pales in comparison to families whose older children are all involved in a handful of activities simultaneously, it’s been a big adjustment for me and mine. 

Homemade food is still a priority, but there are now plenty of nights when frozen pizza just has to be “good enough.” And we’re almost always eating in shifts. 

Looking for easy weeknight meal ideas? Check out 60 kid-friendly crockpot recipes that you can set and forget until dinner time.

I miss my children and my husband 

Like many parents, I miss my family during the workday and look forward to when everyone gets to be at home together again at the end of the day. But—because of extracurricular activities for our kids—the end of the day is now being pushed back several hours. 

There are days I may only see my husband for a quick 15 minutes between work and hockey practice. There are also days when the only one-on-one time I get with my son is during our drive home from school. As my children’s worlds get bigger, I find the time we have to all be together gets smaller. 

“As my children’s worlds get bigger, I find the time we have to all be together gets smaller.” 

How I’m preparing for more kids’ extracurricular activities

I know this is just the beginning. As my children get older, the practices will get later, the lessons longer, and our time even more designated. I should clarify that I’m not anti-extracurricular on a fundamental level. I want my children to lead inspired, purposeful lives. I know from experience that extracurricular activities can support this. 

I want my kids to develop confidence and approach life with ever-growing curiosity and vigor. I want them to live life to the fullest. Here’s how I’m trying to support them while also maintaining the well-being of our family.  

Focusing on shared interests 

I swear my son genetically inherited an interest in hockey from his father. He’s loved it since before he could talk or walk. It’s special that my husband now coaches his team. It’s also special that, as a pianist, I can now bond over lessons and love of music with my daughter. 

Sure, we all spend less time at home together. But these shared interests are creating stronger bonds within the network of our family. In those moments, I find myself mourning the early years; I’m changing my perspective and focusing on the good. 

Getting creative to foster family bonds

Simultaneously, my husband and I have been putting extra time and attention into fostering the relationships that exist outside extracurricular activities. For example, since he’s taken up coaching, my husband has unfortunately missed a lot of evening hours with our infant daughter. This means he’s the one to wake her up in the morning and the one who gives her extra attention when we’re all home together. 

Similarly, because I’m not able to attend as many of my son’s hockey practices as I’d like, I make it a point to do his school pick-up and make the ride home special. I bring his favorite snacks and let him pick which songs we listen to on the way home. I believe these small, intentional acts and routines can add scaffolding to our family dynamic. 

Appreciating our time together

There are times I wish I had appreciated our pre-extracurricular years more. But in hindsight, I now know to appreciate this time, right now, as much as I possibly can. One day, when the kids have moved out, I’ll wish for these years that felt busy but still saw all the kids tucked into their beds by 7:30 p.m. most nights of the week. 

I’m taking the time to recognize that this is a challenging new stage, but it will ultimately be a moment in time that I long for. I’m enjoying it while it lasts. 

Keeping some rituals sacred 

Amidst all the change, I’ve found there’s value in keeping some rituals sacred. Sunday dinners, for example, will always be for us. And, no matter how late it is, a book will always be read before bedtime. Keeping some practices constant grounds our entire family as we grow together. 

Looking ahead with excitement and possibility 

I’m in the parenting business for the long haul. I hope to one day watch my son play hockey in high school. Or, who knows—maybe even college. I want to see my daughter on stage. Watch them confidently join whichever club or sport sparks their interest. I want to be there on all the sidelines—physical and metaphorical—cheering them on every step of the way. 

And then, later in life, I want to be the grandmother who’s asked to bring her grandkids to practices. Or who drops off dinner on a busy week. 

Extracurriculars for kids are a challenge, yes, but they’re also a beautiful thing. They give us the chance to watch our children (and grandchildren!) thrive as they pursue their passions and the opportunity to come together in a new and unique way. 

As I feel our chapter as a young family is closing, I look forward to the story my kids and their interests are writing.