"My nephew is turning 5 soon and is obsessed with all things outer space, building train routes, and racing Hot Wheels cars. He loves being silly, trying out slide tackles at soccer, and laughing hysterically at fart jokes. He is also a boy who loves Frozen and told my sister recently he wants to wear an Elsa costume for Halloween.
My sister has always tried to encourage self-expression and has tried hard not to label things as ‘boy things’ or ‘girl things.’ Thanks to an inexpensive costume at Target, my nephew has been testing out his Elsa dress around the house and loves singing along to the movie with it on.
My sister loves seeing him so happy and wants him to be himself, but worries an adult or another child might make fun of him or say something mean while he’s trick-or-treating and what that would do to his self-esteem. She’s also got questions about how she could prep my nephew for any potential negativity without passing any worry or concern onto him and what she should do if anyone does say something mean. But she’s not alone.
I talked with therapist Rachael Jones, licensed family therapist and founder of Trailhead Therapy, to learn more about why Elsa can be a popular choice for boys and how to approach this as a parent.
Rachael M. Jones, LMFT, PMH-C
Rachael is a couple and family therapist and perinatal mental health specialist dedicated to helping people understand themselves and their relationships. She utilizes compassion, curiosity, and humor to help her clients understand what is and is not working well in their lives and identifies ways to capitalize on their strengths and address areas of pain or concern.
He’s not the only boy who wants to wear an Elsa costume
It’s a similar question that one parent on Reddit expressed when they asked for advice about whether their young son should be allowed to wear his Elsa costume outside the house or not. “He’s my child and I don’t want him wearing a dress if it’s going to have negative repercussions. But I don’t want him not wearing a dress and feeling sad,” they posted.
“I don’t know what to do about this either,” Reddit user WittyWolf26 chimed in. “My heart wants to say ‘go for it, wear that dress, but we live in Texas and unfortunately a boy wearing a dress is seen as political here, which is absolutely crazy and sucks!”
Another parent on Reddit asked how they should handle the “constant questions” their son started getting after he wore his Elsa costume to school. “It’s scary for me to send him out there alone because of the stereotypes and judgments,” they typed. “I’ve seen people giving surprised looks when I say my son is going to be Elsa this Halloween. I don’t know if he’ll be hurt in any way.”
The TDLR: A little (or big) boy dressing up as Elsa is totally normal and usually makes a lot of sense based on their environment.
Elsa is ubiquitous, especially in daycare and pre-school
Frozen became the highest-grossing animated film when it was released in late 2013, bringing in over a billion dollars worldwide. Frozen II then surpassed the original in 2019 and took the top spot until this summer when Inside Out 2 reached $1.46 billion worldwide, inching out the $1.45 billion Frozen II generated. All that to say, it’s probably safe to assume that most kids have seen the movies at least one or two times (or, in our case, 50 or so times).
What a child is exposed to and watches plays a big part in what they might want to be for Halloween, says Jones. My nephew almost exclusively watches Disney and Pixar movies and hasn’t watched things like Spider-Man or Superman, so it makes sense that he would pick a character he’s used to seeing on the TV.
“If he predominantly sees Disney movies and that’s his exposure to characters who are kind and impactful and come in and save the day, it makes total sense for a kid to want to be like that,” Jones notes.
She also points out that Elsa is inescapable in the daycare and preschool world and is a “very socially acceptable interest.” Jones says that matters. If everyone at school is talking about or wearing a character, it can impact a kid’s decision to want to dress like that character for Halloween because “around 5, they really are starting to be concerned about belonging.”
My nephew’s daycare class is fairly Elsa-obsessed. At least three of the kids in his room have Elsa light-up shoes, and there’s often a discussion about the movie, so it makes sense that he thinks that Elsa is cool and wants to be her for Halloween.
Different kids gravitate to different things
If your son likes Elsa or your daughter likes Spider-Man, there’s a reason for that that extends past just their environment, says Jones.
“All kids exist somewhere in that spectrum of wanting action versus a more relational component,” Jones explains. “It’s usually a combination of what they’ve seen, what they intrinsically feel comfortable with, and what’s reinforced.”
For my nephew, this means he likely is just more naturally drawn to less rough-and-tumble stories. “So there might be something in those Disney pieces that he likes, that kind of helping and saving the day versus rough and tumble saving the day, which is normal,” Jones says.
“My son wanted to be Bo Peep from Toy Story 4,” posted Brightfirefly on one of the Reddit threads. “I was so surprised and a bit hesitant because I didn’t know what the reaction would be from others, but my son said ‘I want to be her because she’s brave and strong’ and who can argue with that?”
Kids are resilient, but it’s still a good idea to prep for potential negative reactions
The good news is that in most instances, it’s parents who are worried about any potential negative reaction, not the kids. Jones said that that may change as kids get older and more perceptive of existing societal norms. But when they’re younger, most kids are just excited to wear their costumes.
Reddit poster allnadream also has a son who wore an Elsa costume for Halloween one year. “I was so nervous about how it would be received and pulled his then-preschool teacher aside to let her know what he was planning to wear and to ask her to keep an eye out for bullying,” they said. “Her response was ‘Oh, we already know! He’s been telling everyone he’s going to be Elsa, no worries!’”
My nephew has also spread the word that he’s dressing up as Elsa this year, which has inspired his best buddy to do the same. Another boy at school told my sister he thought it was cool that my nephew wanted to be Elsa.
Jones says parents can have a conversation about all aspects of Halloween that might be tough for a kid, like what to do if a house is handing out candy that your child doesn’t like, as well as how to handle people who “might get weird about other people’s costumes.” That takes any emphasis off your child’s costume in particular while also letting them know that not everyone may like everyone’s Halloween costumes.
She says parents can also indicate that if someone is being “too weird” about costumes, the family might just try a new street for trick-or-treating.
It makes sense that my nephew wants to be Elsa for Halloween. And he really is going to be a great Elsa. He’s already got the same white-blond hair and the sparkly dress, and he knows all the words to every song. As Elsa would say, time to let it go and let him be himself—whether that’s laughing hysterically at a fart joke or twirling in his Elsa costume.
Elliott Harrell, Contributing Writer
Elliott is a mom of two little girls and is based in Raleigh, NC. She spends her days running a sales team and doing laundry and her nights writing about the things that she loves. She’s passionate about all things motherhood and women’s health. When she’s not working, writing or parenting you can find her trying a new restaurant in town or working on her latest needlepoint project.