This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Penguin Random House, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everymom editorial board.
"Throughout childhood and adolescence, I was the daydreamer. The girl who spent the class doodling in the margins of every notebook while twirling her hair and imagining herself in faraway worlds. I was also loud and restless, and I never stopped talking, no matter where my teachers moved me. My mom suspected my neurodivergence, but my dad dismissed it with the excuse, “Ah, she’s fine! I was the same way as a kid!” Which, looking back, was the first red flag because ADHD is, in fact, genetic. I wasn’t diagnosed until I almost flunked out of my sophomore year of college, and a therapist helped me realize that my “new” mental struggles weren’t new at all. This is a common occurrence for many neurodivergent women who present their symptoms differently than men and learn to mask from an early age. When I had my kids, I was prepared for the very real possibility that I would pass this trait down to one or even both of them. I was right, as my son was just diagnosed at almost 5 years old.
Diagnosing young children with ADHD can be tricky since many toddlers and preschoolers display many stereotypical behaviors associated with this neurodevelopmental disorder, like an inability to sit still for long periods and occasional tantrums. These are normal traits for little kids, but beyond that, it was clear to me from when my son was barely 3 years old that his brain worked differently (or rather, similarly to mine). His symptoms manifested as intense emotional dysregulation, defiant behavior, and impulsivity that often resulted in aggression. We began play therapy before his fourth birthday, but the symptoms only continued to intensify at home and at school, which led us to his recent official ADHD diagnosis by a child psychiatrist.
Since I never learned how to navigate my diagnosis as a child, it’s been a whole new ball game helping him adjust. On top of his age, his symptoms don’t manifest the same way as mine (I have inattentive type, where he has combined type), so what may help me with symptom management may not work for him. Our family is still in the process of learning how to manage his diagnosis, from medication decisions to overall lifestyle changes. But what’s helped me the most as a parent is seeking advice from fellow parents going through this experience. So, in hopes of providing the same to you, this is how we are helping our child with his ADHD diagnosis:
Child-centered educational tools
From my experience and the experience of others I know with ADHD, most kids with this diagnosis know that they’re different from a very early age. They may not understand what makes them different, but they can feel it regardless. So, in addition to educating myself through books, online resources, and his medical providers, I make sure to educate him in developmentally appropriate ways. The more that he understands how his brain works, the easier it’ll be for him to establish healthy coping mechanisms.
During our diagnostic appointment, my son’s psychiatrist provided us with child-friendly reading materials to help us explain to my son what his diagnosis means. He was immediately interested in the stories, so I ordered picture books that featured neurodivergent main characters who related to his everyday experiences. Since he already loves books, reading has been a natural way to educate him. He always asks questions while we read, and I take the time to walk him through his questions and tie them in to his real-life scenarios. Here are a few picture books we love that feature neurodivergent characters and explain ADHD in a child-centered manner:
written by Lunda Mullaly Hunt, illustrated by Nancy Carpenter
Oliver’s brain is a volcano of ideas—always bubbling with questions. This makes it hard to focus at school, and sometimes he worries he won’t ever fit in there. So it’s a good thing he has a friend who reminds him that great minds don’t always think alike.
The first time I read this book, I teared up myself. Kids with ADHD commonly struggle with low self-esteem because they’re constantly being corrected. Wish in a Tree reinforces that, with the right support, having a brain that works differently can be a wonderful thing.
written by J de la Vega
Her mom thinks she is too messy; her teachers think she is too loud. But Abuela says that’s nonsense. Mia Emilia Lucia Renata simply has too much wepa! In this case, wepa is a metaphor for Mia’s fire, her energy, or what is better known medically as ADHD, and how it’s often misunderstood by family and loved ones. This is the book I wish I had as a little girl and recommend for any children who feel like they’re “too much.”
written by Erin Schoenfelder Gonzalez
Benji’s busy brain brings him adventure and excitement, but it can also make some things harder for him. Written by a child clinical psychologist, this book follows Benji as he learns about being diagnosed with ADHD and adds skills to his toolkit to harness the magic powers of his busy brain.
written by PhD Katia Fredriksen and Dr. Yael Rothman
Written for elementary-age children and their families, the book features three vignettes of children with an ADHD diagnosis. Each vignette highlights various symptoms of the disorder and the different ways those symptoms can shape a child’s behaviors and relationships at home and in school. In addition, it provides a range of practical strategies for managing ADHD symptoms, making it helpful for the whole family.
Behavioral therapy
We started play therapy for my son before he was 4 years old to help with emotional regulation, and after his diagnosis, we switched to cognitive behavioral therapy at the recommendation of his psychiatrist. In my experience, a psychiatrist provides a diagnosis and monthly medication management, while a therapist provides weekly/biweekly therapy. As someone who’s been in therapy since college, I view this as an essential part of managing neurodivergent symptoms. But at my son’s young age, talk therapy isn’t exactly going to work yet.
It took a month of searching to find a child therapist who could work with a preschooler, but we finally did, and it was worth the effort. She uses child-friendly games and educational materials to help him with emotional regulation (which he loves), and she also provides us with parent resources so we can support him at home.
Sensory materials
We’ve learned that my son displays many sensory-seeking behaviors that often interfere with other developmental skills, like falling/staying asleep at night and keeping his hands to himself when he feels strong emotions. Sensory materials like compression sheets, weighted blankets, and fidget toys provide the sensory input he craves and allow him to manage his impulsivity more effectively.
Amazon
This sensory compression sheet stretches over their mattress, creating a snug and secure fit that feels like an instant hug. It’s made a world of a difference in my son’s quality of sleep (no more running into our room in the middle of the night asking us to adjust his 10 blankets).
Amazon
Perfect for kids who insist on being covered by 20 different stuffies in order to fall asleep at night. It has a cooling side for the warmer months and a softer, plush fabric for cooler months.
Amazon
My kid gets easily bored of fidget toys, so we got a big variety pack that he can alternate through. This method also helps with the ADHD urge to constantly seek novelty. He takes a couple to school as well, which allow him to stay in his seat and his cot during nap time.
Amazon | Bouncyband
For kiddos who need extra help focusing in class, this foot wiggler helps improve concentration without causing distraction to other classmates.
Lifestyle and routine changes
Steady routines are incredibly important for kids and adults with ADHD, which we’ve always been good at maintaining. However, we’ve implemented other changes, such as switching to an ADHD-friendly diet to reduce sugar intake, enrolling him in weekly physical activities to help his hyperactivity, sticking to low-stimulation TV shows during the school week to improve his impulse control, and providing positive reinforcements to build his confidence.
Medication management
Deciding whether to start a child on ADHD medication is a deeply personal decision for every family. We made that choice by weighing the severity of his symptoms and how they impact his daily life against the possible side effects of ADHD medication. Because I take ADHD medication and found that it’s had an overwhelmingly positive impact on my life over the last 10 years, I felt more comfortable choosing the same route for my son with the guidance of his psychiatrist and therapists. Since starting his meds and attending therapy consistently, it’s greatly improved his overall quality of life—it’s a decision I’m glad has worked well for my son and our family.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Steph Alleva Cornell, Branded Content Editor
Since becoming a young mama in 2020, Steph has found joy in creating beautiful yet relatable content surrounding the raw realities of motherhood. She believes showcasing both the wonders and struggles of being a parent helps other mothers understand that they are not alone in their journey.
This post contains a sponsored inclusion of Penguin Random House, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everymom editorial board.