Mothers have been referred to as “mama bears” as long as I can remember. After all, mama bears—like their human counterparts—are said to be protective toward their cubs. While I’d say I have some mama bear in me, there’s another animal-related parenting style that some moms may identify with, too. It’s called elephant parenting.

But what is an elephant parent, and how do you know if you are one? I reached out to licensed school psychologist and founder of Maitland Mental Health Co., Farah Downs, ED.S., NCSP, to share some insight on what elephant parenting is, how parents implement this parenting style, the pros and cons, and more. Keep reading to find out if you have the characteristics of an elephant parent.

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In this article
1 What is ‘elephant parenting’?
2 6 signs you’re an elephant parent
3 The pros and cons of elephant parenting
4 Is elephant parenting recommended?
Farah Downs, Ed.S., NCSP and founder of Maitland Mental Health Co., LLC
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Farah Downs, Ed.S., NCSP and Founder of Maitland Mental Health Co., LLC

With over a decade of experience in Florida schools and private practice, Farah Downs helps kids and families uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface—academically, emotionally, and behaviorally. Farah brings honesty, compassion, and a deep belief in approachable mental health into everything that she does.

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What is ‘elephant parenting’?

Downs defines ‘elephant parenting’ as “the general idea that the parent (like an elephant) shows fierce protection, emotional closeness, and deep nurturing” towards their child. She adds that this parenting style particularly happens in the early years, and it “isn’t about shielding kids from every hard thing.” Rather, it’s about parents being emotionally available “while still helping [their child] build resilience.” According to Downs, this nurturing approach creates co-regulation and security, which helps children thrive in their environment.

6 signs you’re an elephant parent

With so many parenting styles—lighthouse parenting, FAFO parenting, gentle parenting, and more—Downs states, “Like many of these trend-driven parenting labels, it’s more [of a] metaphor than [a] manual.” Interested in whether or not your vibes are along the lines of an elephant parent? Here are 6 signs to look for.

1. You get down on your child’s level

When a child is having a meltdown, elephant parents react by getting down on their child’s level—both physically and mentally. This can look like kneeling to meet a child at eye-level and understanding and acknowledging that they are upset.

2. You acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings

Elephants are known for their expressiveness and emotions. And for kids, new transitions or hard situations can be met with fear, anxiety, sadness, and other feelings. For a parent who takes to this style, this means they acknowledge and validate whatever their child is feeling at that moment.

3. You offer comfort

Next to validating a child’s feelings, an elephant parent also offers comfort “even if it takes a while,” adds Downs.

4. You help your child problem-solve

Downs uses the example of a child who’s nervous about sleeping over at a friend’s house. Instead of pushing to “just do it,” says Downs, along with validating their feelings, an elephant parent also helps them problem-solve. Talking through their fear and walking them through the decision-making process on whether or not to go is a step an elephant parent may take.

5. You reassure your child that they’ll be ready when they’re ready

And if a child isn’t ready for something, their decision is met with reassurance. Downs states that the parent “reassures [their child] they’ll be ready when they’re ready.”

6. You prioritize emotional safety and connection

When children feel vulnerable, anxious, or overwhelmed, Downs points out that elephant parents prioritize emotional safety and connection over performance and independence.

elephant parenting mom and son
Source: Simply by Suzy Photography for Alaina Kaz

The pros and cons of elephant parenting

With a variety of parenting styles in existence, Downs states, “Parents today feel so much pressure to pick the ‘right [one].’ She adds, “It’s more about knowing your child, trusting your gut, and adjusting as you go.” With that being said, there are pros and cons to any parenting style. Downs shares what parents can look out for when it comes to elephant parenting.

Pros to being an elephant parent

When done well, it can “foster secure attachment, emotional intelligence, and strong parent-child bonds,” says Downs. She shares that the elephant parenting style builds a foundation of trust “that can carry into adolescence and beyond.”

Cons of being an elephant parent

In contrast, if this parenting style is taken to the extreme, Downs says it can look like “overaccommodation.” For a parent who is overprotective, “too much protecting or rescuing—even with the best intentions—can sometimes prevent kids from developing frustration tolerance, independence, [and] problem-solving skills.”

Downs shares that if elephant parenting allows parents to feel empowered, then that’s great! When it comes to parenting styles, it isn’t a one-size-fits-all. It’s really about being attuned with what your child is going through. “Knowing when your child needs you to be soft and when they need a little nudge forward” can guide parents toward the right approach in the moment.

‘Mama bear’ rolls off the tongue nicely, but I’m all for being called an ‘elephant mom.’ I like that the style models empathy and prioritizes emotional safety and connection. Ultimately, Downs emphasizes that parenting styles are “less about the label and more about the balance.” Whether you’re an elephant parent, a ‘mama bear,’ or decide these trending labels aren’t for you, I think that’s the beauty of raising kids. It can look different for everyone!

patty schepel the everymom editorial intern
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Patty Schepel, Editorial Assistant

As the editorial assistant, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. With Patty’s passion for writing, experience as a mother of two, and expertise as a pediatric nurse, she brings a thoughtful and informative perspective to The Everymom. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.

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