I’ve been living in Italy for nearly 10 years and have been a mom for nearly half of that time. Parenting in Italy and in Europe, in general, is a whole other game. For example, playgrounds are designed for parents to sit and watch (not hover), and babies are often dining out with their parents until late into the evening.
But first, let’s acknowledge Europe is an entire continent with diverse countries and varying cultures. Here, I’m talking about overall cultural differences in how Europeans (specifically Italians) parent, as opposed to differences in the European system vs. the U.S. system. We know when it comes to supporting parents with paid parental leave, affordable childcare, universal healthcare, etc., the U.S. is lacking.
Certainly, culture and systems are connected. And I’ve observed that Europeans, in general, have a more relaxed mindset about parenting. As an American raising my kids in Italy, I have experienced the challenge of being “too American.” I tend to be a stricter (and more worried) parent. But the longer I’m a mother in Italy, the more I’m picking up on the benefits of parenting with a more European mindset. Here, I’m sharing six observations from European parenting styles I’m adopting as an American living in Italy.
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No Shame in Daycare/Babysitters/Family Help
Parents in Europe fully take advantage of the wonderful options available to them—such as affordable daycare, reasonable rates for babysitters, and of course, living close to family. The biggest difference here? No shame in using these resources—even if you’re a stay-at-home parent. Parents in Europe know how important it is to have time to themselves (yes, away from their kids). They still live their own lives versus centering everything on their child.
In Europe, especially in Italy, families also usually live close by. For example, my parents live down the street. Not a day goes by when my daughter doesn’t want to visit her grandparents. I get a break to work or do housework, and my daughter gets to be surrounded by her family. It’s a win-win. Parents here fully take advantage of having relatives who live close by and are willing to help.
Kids Eat What the Adults Are Having
In America, parents can sometimes be pretty strict about what kids eat and from what age. In Europe, parents let kids eat pretty much anything. I’ve seen babies—six months and older—eating bowls of pasta, pizza, and burgers. And no, I’m not talking about kiddie portions. I’m talking full-on portions. While I personally did not do this with my now 4-year-old daughter, I understand the benefits.
For example—my daughter now has a very limited diet and no curiosity when it comes to food. Whereas I find that most European children are more open to eating a variety of foods. Perhaps because their parents introduced them to such different foods from such a young age, I see 5-year-olds with better appetites and expansive palates than many adults—scarfing down bowls of pasta with lentils, baked fish, and buttered peas.
Less Hovering, More Go-With-the-Flow
I’ve observed that European parents tend to use more of a low-key parenting style. For example, when I go to the park with my daughter, most kids are completely off on their own while their parents often sit on the side and read or chat with friends. Or I’ve been at restaurants or stores when kids are just running rampant because the parents are doing their own thing. The American in me finds this disrespectful, but it’s not seen that way by many Europeans; rather, they see it as children exploring their own space.
“European parents tend to use more of a go-with-the-flow and low-key parenting style.”
European parents also seem more trusting and encouraging of independence in their kids. I’m not alone in observing this; another American mom living in France, Isabelle Bertolami, shared some of her observations on European vs. American style parenting in a popular TikTok. She noted, for example, that French parents aren’t always reaching for their little one’s hands to cross the street. Nor do they respond to a child’s every request.
However, a shift toward more American “intensive parenting” is happening in European countries, too. A recent New York Times article claimed that French parents are starting to adopt some American “gentle parenting” styles (and creating spoiled children in the process?). I find this to be an interesting European parenting trend as some American parents are now starting to move away from these approaches (i.e., the rise of Beta moms and the return of FAFO parenting).
Not Going Overboard With Extracurricular Activities
It’s no secret kids are overscheduled in America. It’s practically expected that your child participate in at least one or two after-school activities. Here, that’s simply not the case. Yes, there are wonderful after-school options available to children such as youth sports teams or dance classes, but it doesn’t have the same emphasis that it does in America. Parents don’t feel the need to have their kids signed up for an activity every day and usually just go with the flow—kids play after school at the park or with their cousins. Parents don’t feel the need to constantly have their kids’ schedules booked as though they were mini-adults.
All Schedules Are Off in The Summer
American parents often fill summertime with structured activities, day camps, overnight camps, etc. I know this is as much out of necessity for summer childcare as it is to keep kids to their schedules and routines. Here in Italy, there’s no such thing as a schedule in the summer, and kids sometimes will be out with their parents until past midnight running around and playing. It’s summer after all, so parents enjoy a break staying out, and so do the kids.
The intense summer heat in some European countries also means more limited work hours for parents, which does allow them more summer flexibility than American parents have.
No Mom Guilt
For me, this is the biggest takeaway and one that I’m constantly working on. Moms in Europe don’t suffer from “mom guilt” and feeling bad about x, y, z. Moms here are more relaxed and make it a point to take time for themselves—such as meeting a friend for a coffee or just taking a walk alone.
Due to the overall laid-back European lifestyle, most parents aren’t trying to prove anything to anyone—like how great a parent they are, how much money they have, etc. And while parents have careers and work to provide for their families, the culture is less money/career focused since here you work to live, as opposed to live to work.
I’ll admit that trying out these European parenting styles could initially be a challenge living in the U.S. But as an American living abroad, I think parenting with more help, more relaxation, and less pressure and guilt is something we could all get behind.
Caroline Chirichella, Contributing Writer
Caroline Chirichella is originally from NYC and now lives in Puglia, Italy with her Italian husband, daughter, son, and three rescue dogs. She is a full-time writer and public relations consultant who specializes in mompreneurs. She has written for The New York Times, The Lily by The Washington Post, Elle, Shape, Health, Romper, Parents, and more. She loves morning cuddles with her kids and lazy Sundays spent with her family.
