"Sometimes, it feels like mother-daughter relationships can go one of two ways: You’re either attached at the hip, Lorelai and Rory Gilmore style, or you just can’t seem to get it right—à la Lorelai and Emily. And while a re-watch of Gilmore Girls as an adult may point out a few concerns in Rory and Lorelei’s relationship we don’t want to mimic, their dynamic has much more good than bad. Their late-night movie sessions, deep talks, and genuine enjoyment of each other’s company are something to be admired. And recently on TikTok, one mom creator—Cree Robinson—pointed out that there are a lot of mother-daughter relationships that don’t turn out as such. Some complex mother-daughter relationships may be estranged or downright toxic. So, as a mom of two, Robinson posed the question: What’s one thing moms can do to make their daughters want to have a close relationship with them?
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When I saw this video, I knew I had to share my take on it. My mom is my Lorelai Gilmore and then some. She’s the first person I call for advice, the open arms I fall into when life gets too heavy, and my biggest supporter. When I thought about Robinson’s question, I realized there are several things she did that made our bond unbreakable. I’m sharing what they are below for all of the girl moms out there who are wondering the same.
This Viral Video Asked Grown Women Advice on Having a Healthy Mother-Daughter Relationship
First, let’s dive into the TikTok that started it all. Mom and former therapist @cree-robinson posted a video that explained something many of us know all too well. She opened with the question, “To the girls who are really close with their moms, what’s one thing that your mom did while you were growing up… that makes you want to have a close relationship with her now?” She went on to explain that as a mom herself, she wants to know how to foster that closeness in a relationship with her own daughter. On top of that, she touched on the fact that a lot of women—including herself—aren’t close with their moms.
At millions of views, 239.1K likes, and over 50K comments, it’s clear that a lot of women have thoughts on this very subject. As moms, there are few things we want more than a close relationship with our kids. That’s what makes Robinson’s question so relevant and relatable. As she embarks on raising twins—one being a 1-year-old daughter—she took to the internet for insights.
What the Daughters Had to Say
Commenters did not disappoint. In fact, they had some incredible thoughts. One commenter shared, “She apologized. She acknowledged my experience of her at times and mistakes she made. She respects my feelings and individuality.” Another shared, “She created an environment where I [could] be myself. She never judged me & only offered her guidance.” If you need some inspiration on how to tackle this whole motherhood thing, take a look at the comment section.
When you do, you may notice several common themes. Countless people responded saying that the ability to apologize when in the wrong was something that stuck with them. On top of that, respecting a daughter’s feelings and individuality was vital. Listening, being thoughtful with their words and actions, and being a personal cheerleader were invaluable. One commenter even shared that she loved how her mom was able to embrace her own inner child by singing and dancing with her. Plus, the words “unconditional love” can be seen time and time again. And maybe that’s what it’s all about.
What I’d Add to the Healthy Mother-Daughter Relationship Advice
A trip down the comment section of this viral video could easily elicit some tears. It was clear that other people had similar experiences to me growing up. A mom who prioritized them, made them feel seen, and was affectionate and supportive. It was also clear that there were several women—like the creator said—who didn’t have that experience growing up, but wanted it for their own kids. This is why I feel we need to keep the conversation going. With that in mind, there were plenty of comments that highlighted what I feel played a role in my relationship with my mom, but the following were the most important to me.
She Was There
To sum up exactly why I believe my mom and I are close into adulthood is simple: She was always there. Things were not always perfect—far from it, actually. She and my dad divorced when I was just 5 years old. We moved around a lot. I’m talking six different addresses before I hit high school. But through all of that, she was there. There to offer advice, cheer me on, and offer support every step of the way. She never missed big events or small moments. And even on the nights when she worked late, she was just a phone call away ready to ask me about my day.
Like all parents, mistakes were made. But when I think about it, my mom essentially grew up alongside my sister and me. She had my sister when she was just 20 years old, and 26 when she had me. My 28-year-old self can’t even fathom having an 8 and a 2-year-old at my age, but she did it. And she did it while working, going to school, and creating a better life for us.
My dad wasn’t very present in my life growing up. This was, of course, difficult for a little girl. But throughout every milestone, I never felt like I was missing out on anything. That’s because my mom was there to not only do her part as a mother but to play the father role as well. I have no doubt that her showing up and intentionally making time for my sister and me is the reason I still lean on her to this day.
I Could Talk to Her About Anything Without Judgment
All throughout my life, my mom has been my sounding board. Because she was there to always ask about my day and stay up-to-date on what was going on in my life, I learned quickly I could turn to her with anything. And when I did come to her with these things, she never responded from a place of judgment. Even when she didn’t have the answers, I knew everything would be OK because Mom always had my back.
There was never a conversation that was too uncomfortable, a situation too sticky, or a problem too big that I couldn’t go to my mom for. She made this known by continuously telling me how much she loved me and how she was always on my side. I grew up hearing things like “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” and “You can do it.” Hearing her say these things to me helped me believe them about myself and ensured she was the one I turned to whenever I doubted it.
She Made Sure I Had Everything I Needed
Even when we had next to nothing, my mom made sure I had everything. Whenever my sister and I needed something for school or wanted a special birthday party, somehow, she made it happen. But even more than what she was able to give me, knowing I could come to her for anything made the biggest difference.
Because she always kept up with my life, I knew how much she cared about my well-being. She quickly became the first person I came to for anything. How do I set up a dentist appointment? How do I file taxes? What should I do about this boy problem? No matter what the situation was, she was invested and stuck with me until the resolution. Simply knowing I had her support and the fact that she was willing to help me in any situation without judgment, got me to a point where I knew I couldn’t do life without her. And more importantly, I wouldn’t want to.
Brett Nicole Hayden, Assistant Editor
As the Assistant Editor, Brett works with the editors of The Everymom on the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, and pitching and contributing her own articles. Her favorite topics to write about are culture, relationships, and living. She’s also The Everymom’s resident baby names and family movies expert!