My husband and I were having dinner with another couple—a pair of our oldest friends—when they said they had something very serious to ask us. In the event of their untimely death, they requested we please destroy the VHS copy of their sex tape. They only trusted us with this important task and shared exactly where it was hidden in their bedroom. We accepted the responsibility with the appropriate solemnity and a sense of humor.
Like our friends, my husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. We’re parents to two ever-growing kids and I think we’d probably be called middle-aged (ouch). However, our sex life is a surprising part of our relationship that’s gotten better as we’ve gotten older. Sex is more satisfying and exciting than it ever was in our 20s. But when my husband suggested we make a sex tape too, I initially scoffed. There was no way I was filming something that could last up in “the cloud” for all time. I also distinctly remember the episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel watched their own sex tape—it was initially flattering, then horrifying. I imagined myself having the same reaction.
But knowing our friends had done it, we continued to talk about it. Here’s why I’m maybe, sorta considering making a sex tape with my husband.
Why I’m Considering Making a Sex Tape With My Husband
We Will Never Be This Young Again
Remember that scene in Titanic where old Rose’s granddaughter saw the nude sketch of young Rose for the first time? “You actually think this is you, Nana?” her granddaughter asked. To which old Rose asserted, “It is me, dear. Wasn’t I a dish?”
I want to look back and think the same thing about myself. In fact, I already feel that way sometimes. I’ll be looking at photos from my 20s and 30s and think, My skin was glowing! How was my stomach that flat? I really do look pretty in this picture I used to hate.
The point is, I’m not getting any younger. And neither is my husband. Maybe we should capture ourselves in this sexual prime so we can look back on our young, lithe 40-something selves and think we’re “a dish” too.
I’m Not Worried About the Shame of Sex Anymore
Growing up Catholic, I had a lot of shame surrounding sexuality. We were taught that abstinence before marriage was the only way to stay “pure.” Even masturbation was a sin. It took a long time not to feel some level of guilt associated with sexual pleasure.
Now I’m not as worried about a sex tape being seen by someone who shouldn’t see it (as long as it’s not my parents or his friends). Yes, I’m a mom, but I’m also a woman. Why should I feel any shame about having sex—especially with my husband?
I Don’t Mind Watching a Little Tasteful Porn
Who doesn’t like watching a good sex scene in a show or a movie? Especially if it’s with the attractive folks on Bridgerton or White Lotus. With any porn-like show, I want to know it’s been made with consent and is done tastefully. I like a little storyline, a little anticipation, and some passion—not all raw in-your-face nudity.
I imagine my own sex tape directed this way—sheets covering parts of our bodies, creative angles, no weird noises, and more of a hint at what’s happening than seeing the whole shebang. However, without a third person directing the shots in our bedroom, I’m not convinced this could be accomplished with our limited filming skills.
You Can Make a Sex Tape Without a Smartphone
Of course, our phones and a tripod are the easiest way to capture video. But what happens when my kid is scrolling through the family iPad connected to our iCloud and sees something they can never unsee?
But what happens when my kid sees something they can never unsee?
My husband suggested we could have a video camera not connected to the internet. So, like our friends, it would only exist on a separate device—provided it was never something he figured out how to upload to our computer or his phone. It would be the ultimate act of trust, I suppose.
It’s Just the Littlest Bit Flattering
As I mentioned, my husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. We’ve only had sex with each other for even longer, so the fact that we still enjoy each other is something to celebrate. He still finds me sexy and wants to have something tangible besides the memories in his head. In that way, it is a little bit flattering. I can look at the sex tape as a sort of gift for him—similar to a boudoir photography session like many people do for themselves or their partners.
So, Will We or Won’t We Make the Sex Tape?
Even with all these considerations, I’m still undecided about a full-fledged sex tape. I might compromise on a tasteful nude photo—or maybe a photo of me in my underwear—or maybe just a hand-drawn sketch I can keep locked in a safe at the bottom of the ocean like Rose from Titanic. So, yes, still pretty undecided, but it’s been fun to consider it.