"I’ll never forget the moment I found out that my second child was also going to be a little boy. Growing up as an only child and a very girly girl, I never pictured myself as a boy mom—especially not raising two little boys, both under two. I had just gotten out of the shower when my infertility specialist called with our genetic results. We had a 1/16 chance of hearing good news that day, and by some miracle, I heard the words boy and healthy and my whole world changed.
As a child, I always dreamed of having a sibling. One to play make-believe with, build pillow forts in our pajamas, and swim with for hours on long summer days in the pool. I was about to watch my childhood dreams play out in a completely unfamiliar way in front of my eyes. As I walked into my 16-month-old son’s room and scooped him out of his crib, still sleepy from his nap, I imagined how soon another little boy would wear those same pajamas, how he’d have a new friend on the floor in the playroom, and how I’d get the extreme privilege of getting to see two little faces smiling up at me after nap time.
As my excitement as an expectant mom grew, I was even more eager to see and experience the completely foreign sibling and brother bond that my boys would share. Would they look alike? Would they like the same things? Would they be best friends? What if they don’t like each other? From the moment that they met, I knew that I was going to be a bystander to an incredible friendship and an unbreakable bond.
The Doting Big Brother
From the beginning, my older son was a nurturer. Even though he wasn’t even two years old, he doted on his baby brother, trying to soothe him, sharing his favorite things when he was sad, offering to feed him, and holding his hand. It was never something we pressured him to do; we let him naturally develop that relationship for himself.
Four and half years later, those same qualities he showed as a toddler have grown and intensified as he’s stepped into being his brother’s protector, chief critic, advocate, and most trusted companion in times of crisis. At the same time, he also loves to flex that he can still beat my youngest in wrestling and dishes out a healthy dose of realism, calling him out for telling tall tales and stealing things from his room.
Nothing warms my heart more than when his little brother asks him to wear matching pajamas with him every night, and he complies even when he doesn’t want to. He will let Little Brother get in bed with him, tuck him in, and then “read” him a book as he makes up a story and listens patiently to the endless questions that follow. Those are the moments that are seared in my brain forever. The memories I never want to fade. The hundreds of candid photos I could never fathom deleting.
Those are the moments that are seared in my brain forever. The memories I never want to fade. The hundreds of candid photos I could never fathom deleting.
The Admiring Little Brother
As the little brother, I would have expected my youngest son to naturally fall into the role of follower, and while that is partially true, his true adoration and love for his brother are inspiring. From chilling in his bouncer as a baby, he tracked his brother’s every move, smiling at everything his brother did and hitting every milestone early to keep up. If his brother liked dinosaurs, so did he. If his brother was in level three at skiing, he got there in one season to join him. When we ask him who his best friend is, his answer is always, “My brother.”
Every morning, as we walk to the end of our long driveway to take Big Brother to the bus, the hugs and kisses always end with, “Zach, I love you to infinity and beyond.” His goodbyes are always met with an, “I love you too.” Our bus driver, Mr. Joe, always smiles and says, “He sure does love his brother!” The lovely, sweet moments of brotherly love balance the daily arguments over whose turn it is to speak first and who pushed who.
Fostering Their Sibling Bond
But through the beauty of watching them navigate their love for each other, I’ve also had to learn how to be a referee. With a small age gap comes sibling rivalry and competitiveness, which I had no experience with. Arguments about seemingly silly things (such as who gets to sit in the front of the tub and who gets to lead on the family bike ride) have led to full-on screaming matches. As their mom, I want them to know how much these small things don’t matter in the big scheme of life, but in the moment, I have to realize how deeply it matters to them. They each want to be seen, heard, and chosen first. So that is what we do.
Prioritizing times where each one gets to lead the activity, select the show we watch, or go first has led to an increase in turn taking without a wrestling match. Ensuring equal opportunities for special one-on-one time with each parent also helps support their bond as brothers. They often return home with a treat in hand for the sibling who stayed home, never wanting them to feel left out.
My Hopes for Their Futures
As the weather gets warmer and they start to get older, I see glimpses of the bigger boys they are becoming. Now, they wake up on Saturday mornings and go downstairs to watch cartoons together, able to turn the TV on all by themselves. They work together to do yard work to earn chore money and then use the sticks they collected to build a fort near their swingset. Some of my happiest moments as a mother are the ones where I am the quiet observer, just watching them talk and play. I think back to the many hours I played alone as a kid and how I wished I had a sibling to play with me, too. My heart feels so full knowing they’ll never experience the loneliness I felt as a little girl playing tea party with a group of stuffed animals.
As I spring cleaned out their closets recently, carefully sorting clothes into piles for hand-me-downs, donations, and memory bins, I got to relive some of my favorite moments through the items in my hands. While I’ll never get to see the toddler versions of them in their favorite matching Little Sleepies PJs run down the stairs on Christmas morning again, I am so excited to see those two boys grow and change together. To see them hold hands as they both board the school bus in the morning next fall. The first night that they get to stay home alone together, sans Mom and Dad, and the trouble they cook up. How they’ll grow and change as brothers and individuals. While I would give anything to go back and spend five minutes with their younger selves, I am even more excited for the moments yet to be captured. I know they will be even louder and messier, but even more full of joy.
Ally Pagar Wolf, Chief of Sales
Ally is the mom to two rambunctious boys, ages 4 and 6, and is rightfully referred to as “Chief Household Officer” in her home. You can find her family spending long afternoons swimming in their pool, searching for sea glass at the New England shore, and going on fun outdoor adventures.
This article is brought to you by our friends at Little Sleepies. As a fellow women-founded brand that understands the importance of enjoying the little moments, community is at the heart of their craftsmanship and brand mission.