"You know that old saying, “No one tells you the hardest part of motherhood is when your kids grow up?” I honestly feel like that entire saying defines the parenting stage during those pre-teen years. I always heard that they were rough, but boy, did the growth during the tween years take me by surprise.
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Seeing your kids grow up and watching them blossom into who they are is truly something special, but be prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions. The tween years are generally considered ages 9-12. In my experience, they are long and challenging years. Those tween years are uncharted territory. While parents experience similarities in their parenting journey during the pre-teen years, of course no one has the same experience. However, as a mom who recently graduated to parenting a teenager, I learned a few lessons from parenting tweens. Here’s what I wish I knew.
Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster
Kids during their tween years typically experience hormonal changes and take their parents on the ride right along with them. As a mom, I had to learn how to go along with the highs and lows and help my daughter navigate through whatever challenges she may have been facing.
Honestly, I see a lot of myself in my daughter. We’re more alike than any of us like to admit. When she’s going through these changes, I try to stop and think about what I would’ve liked for my mom to do at this age. Having that mindset has helped me a lot. It really has allowed me to understand what she’s going through because I’ve been there before myself. Patience and open communication is something valuable to have during these years for sure.
You can’t always save them
A lesson I learned early on during the tween years is that I had to take a step back. Kids so desperately want their independence, and I had to trust that I’d provided my daughter with the tools to problem-solve certain situations. As much as I may have wanted to figure things out for her at times, letting her lead was the best thing I could’ve done.
Whether figuring out what to do if she forgot to turn in an assignment or navigating an issue with a classmate, guiding her through situations by talking through them rather than solving them for her was more beneficial for her in the long run.
Watch out for screen time overuse
I found that the older my daughter got, the more we had to stay on top of how much time she was spending on her devices. Ultimately, we ended up putting time restrictions on her iPad and cell phone. She had access to texting and calling at all times in case of emergencies, of course. With so much new research out about the risks of early phone and social media usage, I learned that as parents, we really needed to be intentional with the boundaries that we created for our daughter.
Quality time matters
Life can get so busy, but one thing that I wish I knew was how important it was to find the right balance. Try to prioritize one-on-one time during those tween years when they enjoy your company. Their interests are rapidly changing during this time. My daughter must’ve jumped from loving American Girl to Harry Potter to Twilight in the span of a few short years. Keeping up with their interests and spending unplugged, quality time with them doing the things that they love will be something you warmly look back on.
Don’t forget to emphasize the importance of self-care
Self-care was such a huge struggle for us through the tween years. My daughter was always busy with extracurricular activities, and at times, that meant that self-care slipped through the cracks. Self-care for her age was spending time doing what she really enjoyed, like journaling, coloring, and going for bike rides. And with too many scheduled activities, her other interests fell through the cracks.
Additionally, we packed little self-care kits together that had a mini coloring book and markers, deodorant, body spray, pads, a fidget toy, and a stress ball. The stress ball and fidget toy were huge for her when she was feeling anxious and helped her calm down and center herself.
Self-care also included actual hygiene care. As she moved through the pre-teen years and puberty started to kick in, I also helped her develop a simple routine she could easily keep up.
Positive reinforcement will help build their self-esteem
During those tween years, kids are developing their identity and self-esteem. Parents play such a huge role in that development before the additional pressure that comes with the teen years and parenting high schoolers. Reminding them that failure is another way to learn and finding ways, no matter how small, to celebrate milestones and achievements will help build their confidence and encourage them to keep trying.
The tween years go by fast, too
While these years are hard and seem long, so many changes happen in these years, and they go by so fast. One minute, your pre-teen wants to spend every waking moment with you; the next, they want to hang out with their friends all of the time.
What I’ve learned is that kids at that age are very impressionable, and as a parent, you’re one of their biggest influences. The time that you spend with them matters. Being intentional about what you do with that time and what values you instill in them will make a difference. Embrace the mistakes and learn from them. Navigating life together and keeping open communication will make parenting tweens a little easier.
Bianca Dottin, Contributing Writer
Bianca is a lifestyle expert and mom on a mission to inspire other moms to create a lifestyle they love. Born and raised in Florida, Bianca currently resides in Orlando with her husband and two children. When she’s not writing or creating content, you can find her exploring her city, traveling the world, and creating priceless memories with her family.