On the first day of school this year, I hit the snooze button. It sent me into a slight panic when I woke up to realize 20 minutes had passed. After jumping out of bed and waking up the kids, I was still determined to make the cute character waffles—the ones in the shape of Mickey Mouse with two blueberries as eyes—with the little time I had left. Of course, my son wanted to help, and I couldn’t say ‘no’ on the first day of school. In the process of pouring the batter, he spilled half of it on the floor. He instantly had the face of ‘I just ruined breakfast,’ and next thing I knew, he was crying, which had my 1-year-old sympathy crying, too. In a moment of stress, all I wanted to do was yell. But I recently learned this parenting hack: instead of parents yelling at their kids, they yell a random word instead. So, at that moment, I tried it. I yelled “BLUEBERRIES!” and it immediately had my kids (and me) cackling. Right then and there, I thought, “This parenting hack is magic.”
Global parenting expert of “Nurtured First” Jess VanderWier mentioned an alternative to yelling at kids on an episode about highly sensitive parenting on the Robot Unicorn Podcast. Her recommendation has parents saying things like Instagram user @h.oa.home, who commented, “I’m absolutely going to try this,” and others who love the idea. This genius idea has me asking myself, “Could this hack help me yell less at my kids?” I’m sharing my thoughts, the impact yelling has on kids, and other alternatives to yelling.
The alternative parenting hack to yelling at your kids
On the Robot Unicorn Podcast, VanderWier asks, “If you felt like you had to yell and you had no choice, could you yell something that’s ridiculous instead?” She then shares that she has yelled “Bananas!” when she’s felt the need to yell at her own kids. “The kids are caught off guard,” she says, which results in her kids laughing. VanderWier adds, “At least then, you’re still getting that yelling out, but you’re not doing it in a damaging way.”
The impact on yelling at kids
Instagram user @beckyolejnik posed the question, “Isn’t [it] also important to show mumma can be human too?” When it comes to showing emotions around kids, master life coach and nervous system strategist Michelle Grosser states, “When we model healthy emotional expression, we teach [kids] that it’s OK to feel sad, angry, or frustrated.” Other experts say that in times of stress, releasing it in the form of screaming may be helpful.
However, yelling directly at kids can have some damaging effects. The Taylor Counseling Group shares that there can be some negative impact on children when yelling at them. Some psychological effects of yelling at children include lower self-esteem, hindered brain development, lasting fear responses, increased risk of stress and depression, and even causes some behavioral issues.
Other alternatives to yelling
If yelling at kids isn’t recommended but yelling in general can relieve some sort of stress, VanderWier may be on to something here. I love VanderWier’s recommendation of yelling a random word to take off the edge of frustration—resulting in everyone laughing in a stressful situation. Yelling “Bananas!” or “Blueberries!” may not be everyone’s cup of tea. In an episode of the Robot Unicorn Podcast titled “How Do You Stop Yourself From Yelling at Your Kids?” VanderWier and her husband, Scott, share a few tactics parents can use. Other parents are also sharing some other alternatives to choose from, too.
Sing it out
Instagram user @bluejeansandbuttercream shared, “I sing it when I feel like yelling! They listen, and it stimulates the vagus nerve. Win-win!” Another Instagram user, @jtern, commented, “My yelling turns operatic.”
Briefly walk away from the kids to yell by yourself
“Sometimes I feel like I even *need* to yell, but not necessarily at them. I’ve been walking away and roaring in another room,” says Instagram user @lex.literally.
Take a deep breath
Teacher @angiepersonalized commented, “As a teacher, I just step out and take a deep breath!”
Look at their hands
VanderWier and her husband, Scott, discuss how she looks at her children’s hands to remind her she’s interacting with her kids who need nurturing. Scott VanderWier states in their podcast episode, “My hands are huge compared to theirs, so I’ll hold them and hold their hand in mine.” He goes on to say, “Realizing how small they are, it’s not really fair for me to be overly upset with them about things.”
Imagine your kids’ yells are bouncing off of you
In the instance that your child is yelling at you, VanderWier suggests visualizing their yells ‘bouncing off’ of you. Visualizing that you, as the parent, are a reflective shield may be helpful.
Have a partner step in
Jess and Scott VanderWier discuss that acknowledging when your partner needs time to step away can help prevent parents from yelling. Either telling them it’s OK to walk away or having a code word that indicates to take a breather may help.
What to do if you end up yelling at your kids
While I know I’m not alone in saying that I’ve definitely yelled at my kids before, I’ll add that it never leaves me feeling good as a parent. VanderWier recommends “repairing.” Repairing looks like going back to your kids, apologizing, saying ‘sorry,’ and continuing to better yourself, “so eventually, you’re not yelling so much,” advises VanderWier.
VanderWier’s idea of yelling a funny word is definitely genius and is a parenting hack I’ll be holding onto. Will it help me yell less at my kids? Time will tell, but I’m willing to try it. And if you’re still on the hunt for a word to scream when you’re mad or stressed out, you can always look to the beloved dad from the kid’s show Bluey and yell, “Oh, Biscuits!”
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Patty Schepel, Editorial Assistant
As the editorial assistant, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. With Patty’s passion for writing, experience as a mother of two, and expertise as a pediatric nurse, she brings a thoughtful and informative perspective to The Everymom. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.
