"Should you have to pay to send your kids to a friend’s house for a playdate? This is the question that took TikTok by storm a few weeks back, thanks to one mom creator. TikToker Shay.nanigans87 posted a viral video posing the question, “Can we normalize sending the other family money for playdates?” She pled her case, explaining that she’s unable to keep hosting playdates with everything being so expensive.
After a playdate her daughter had, she texted the girl’s mom, asking if she could cover $15 worth of expenses accrued during their time together, calling them, “your share of the expenses.” From more reasonable requests like the expense of a broken toy to outrageous line items like a bathroom fee and couch sitting, the debate caused a heated discussion on TikTok and beyond. Comments like “I’d send you the $15 then never speak to you again” received 113.1k likes. Others agreed with the comment, “I’d be very uncomfortable if the person hosting a playdate kept track of how many times my kid needed to use the restroom.” To some, it seemed like it couldn’t possibly be real.
And it wasn’t. The creator later shared it was a satirical post, admitting it was “rage bait” and that she’d even gone so far as to create a fake account to really sell it. It worked, and the video has 2.8 million views and thousands of comments. Not to mention, as she said in a later video, it is even making her money from wannabe Good Samaritans Venmo’ing her fake account. Call it “rage bait” or effective satire, the situation should make us wary of engaging with social media posts meant to be divisive. And whether you believed the original video or not, she certainly sparked a lot of valid discussion about playdate etiquette in the 30,000+ comments.
We took this playdate expenses discussion to the best source we have: our readership of moms. With so many responses, we may have concluded when it is and isn’t OK to ask for reimbursement on playdate expenses.
The Original Playdate Expenses Video
The Follow-up
What is Proper Playdate Expenses Etiquette?
With the cost of… everything these days, most families are seeing a financial strain. Could asking for playdate reimbursement be a form of “loud budgeting“? When is it OK to ask for playdate expense reimbursement? Read on to find out more.
What Playdate Expenses Should the Host Cover?
Just like the comment section, our readers had some strong opinions on the viral video. They made valid points, such as, “If you invite someone over, you should not be asking for money to cover the costs.” And, “If you have play dates at each other’s houses, it will balance out.” Respondents seem to agree that, overall, the expenses of an at-home playdate should be covered by the host. They also agree on the outrageousness of charging bathroom fees or “wear and tear” couch fees.
One respondent shared, “That’s very weird and doesn’t build community.” And perhaps the implications for the children involved should be the biggest concern. Charging for arguably unreasonable expenses may cause parents to avoid future playdates at that house. Then, both kids suffer and may lose a friendship over it.
When is it OK to Ask for Playdate Costs to be Reimbursed?
So, is there ever a time when charging for a play date does make sense? In fact, yes! Some of our readers made the point that charging for broken items is reasonable. While there’s still a gray area here and no firm consensus, some find it reasonable for the cost of broken items to be reimbursed.
Some readers also argued excursions can be covered by the child’s family hosting the playdate. It may be reasonable to ask the other parent to pay for things like entrance fees for parks, movies, or events. That seems reasonable enough to us, too!
With the price of entrance fees and movie tickets being at an all-time high, the expenses of a mutually agreed upon excursion can be shared ahead of the playdate. In this case, the operative words are “mutually agreed upon” and “ahead.” If an at-home playdate leads to an expensive outing that the other family didn’t plan for, get in contact with them before heading out of the house.
Final Thoughts on Playdate Expenses
Like everything in parenting, we have to do what’s best for our kids. But, putting them in an awkward and potentially friendship-shattering situation seems to be more than our readers are up for. Many agree that voluntarily hosting a playdate means covering the cost. The case of an out-of-the-house excursion or a broken item are the exceptions.
Perhaps this whole conversation opens up another can of gummy worms. Namely, what do we do when the parent of our child’s friend has unreasonable requests? (Or, is downright insufferable.) What we can do is keep our children’s best interest in mind and ultimately do what we feel is right. Perhaps it’s our duty as parents to find the balance between keeping the peace and standing our ground.
While Shay.nanigans87’s post was satirical, there’s nothing we love more than thought-provoking content. Plus, if it’s something that has the potential to help us learn from one another, we’re on board every time.
Brett Nicole Hayden, Assistant Editor
As the Assistant Editor, Brett works with the editors of The Everymom on the content creation process by updating stories, sourcing images and graphics, and pitching and contributing her own articles. Her favorite topics to write about are culture, relationships, and living. She’s also The Everymom’s resident baby names and family movies expert!