Most days when I check the mail, nothing is interesting. There’s usually a grocery store flyer, maybe a bill, and if I’m lucky, one of my monthly magazine subscriptions. But every couple of weeks, without fail, I open my mailbox to find a card addressed to me. It’s usually covered in stickers and is always from the same friend. The notes aren’t long, usually just a quick hello. But they are the highlight of my week and put a big smile on my face. Plus, I have a stack of them in my memory box now.
I’m convinced that my friend keeps the postal service in business, as I’m not the only friend she regularly sends cards to. Sending “snail mail” is a habit she’s adopted over several years, and I’m guessing that all told, she’s sent in excess of 1,000 cards to different people.
Getting snail mail is a bit of a novelty these days, which makes it feel even more special. Sending a card, letter, or little care package can be a small and easy way to let a friend know you’re thinking of them or a way to make new friends. Read on for why I think snail mail is so special and tips on starting your own snail mail swap.
Snail mail is an intentional connection
We live in a fast-paced digital world. There is no need to send physical mail when you can send a text or an email and get an instantaneous reply. However, before the technology we have today, there was letter writing.
It was slow, but it worked. And sometimes I get jealous of the physical memories those letter writers have. I’m sure I could scroll back nearly 10 years and see some of the first texts my now husband and I sent each other, but it’s not the same as having an actual letter. It doesn’t carry the same weight as my grandparents’ letters to each other when my grandfather was in World War II.
A CBS News survey found Americans are sending fewer letters now, with 37 percent saying they haven’t written a personal letter on paper in over five years. Some even say letter writing is a lost art. But letters and cards are snapshots in time and mementos of friendships and love, and something worth doing every so often.
“A survey found 37 percent of Americans haven’t written a personal letter in 5+ years.”
It’s an intentional way to connect in our digital world. You have to slow down to write something, or even to put stickers on something, and taking that moment is a nice breath of fresh air.
Sending snail mail can take as little as a couple of minutes to do, depending on whether you’re writing a full letter or just a quick note, but it’ll get you away from your phone and the grind of the everyday world.
Writing letters can be therapeutic
I admittedly don’t send cards back to my snail mail swap friend as much as I should, but there was a time when letter writing served as a major therapeutic outlet for me.
When my friend Anna got diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn’t know how to help or what to do. I didn’t know the “right” thing to say, and we lived on opposite sides of the world. One day, I walked into a Paper Source and bought 10 cards that I thought would make her laugh. And then every Friday for over a year, I wrote a card and mailed it to her.
My letters were likely boring, just a snapshot of whatever was going on in my world at the time. But it made me feel like I was doing something that might bring her joy in the moment. When she wrote back, I saved her letters. My dear friend Anna passed away, but I’ll pull them out from time to time to read, as they’re the best connection I have to her.
I did the same sort of weekly snail mail drop for a while when a friend was going through a rough time and when my grandmother was battling dementia. Every time I wrote a letter, I felt connected to them and didn’t feel so hopeless.
How to start a snail mail swap or find a pen pal
Starting a snail mail swap doesn’t have to be a big lift. You can simply pick a friend, even if they live in town, to send a card to. I know my friend has a rotation of who she sends cards to, so you could make a list of friends you want to include and send one card a week.
If you’re looking to find a new snail mail buddy or pen pal, it turns out there are quite a few communities focused on letter writing for adults.
Pen pals via Penpalooza
Back in 2020, during the pandemic, New Yorker writer Rachel Syme asked her followers if anyone would want to be her pen pal. She was flooded with responses and created Penpalooza to help people find pen pals. Over 10,000 people have signed up since. If you want to participate, you get matched with someone randomly to write a letter to. At the same time, someone different gets your mailing address, so you end up with two pen pals.
Finding pen pals with similar interests
For finding a pen pal with similar interests, Instagram creator Martina Calvi has posted about a snail mail swap amongst her followers for the past two years. If someone wants to get a pen pal, they comment with a quick bio about who they are and some of their interests. And then people who have similar interests reply to set up the snail mail swap. Over 7,500 people have commented trying to match up with a pen pal, and it’s still getting comments eight months later.
There’s also a Reddit community with over 200,000 members for people looking to find pen pals that functions similarly.
Request a ‘Dad Letter’
And then there’s the Dad Letter Project, where people can request that one of the dads behind the project write them a letter. You don’t have to write back, but you’ll get “mail that’ll make you smile (or cry, in a good way).”
What you’ll need for a snail mail swap
If you’re sending snail mail to your friends and you send holiday cards each year, you probably already have their addresses. If not, sites like Postable make it easy to collect addresses.
You’ll need stamps, and if you’re planning on writing more than one letter or card, go ahead and get a roll of stamps so that you don’t have to go to the post office each time. You can order stamps, like these fun Betty White ones, directly from the postal service.
Cards can get expensive, but a great source for fun and budget-friendly ones is Trader Joe’s. They’re only 99 cents each and often have fun little puns and drawings on them, making them perfect for snail mail. Amazon also has cute card sets that you can buy in bulk, as does Etsy, to keep the cost down.
You can also DIY your own blank cards or envelopes. For example, I have no idea where my friend sources all of her amazing stickers, which range from funny to inspirational to positive affirmations. Etsy has a host of cute, affordable options like these and these if you want to decorate your cards or envelopes.
What to write
Don’t stress if you don’t know what to write about. Simply saying ‘I’m thinking of you!’ or ‘I miss you!’ will be enough to brighten someone else’s day. Some days you might have a lot to say and some days a little, and that’s OK.
Sending and receiving snail mail is a hobby that doesn’t take a lot of time but can have a big impact on both the sender and receiver. Try it and see what happens.
Elliott Harrell, Contributing Writer
Elliott is a mom of two little girls and is based in Raleigh, NC. She spends her days running a sales team and doing laundry and her nights writing about the things that she loves. She’s passionate about all things motherhood and women’s health. When she’s not working, writing or parenting you can find her trying a new restaurant in town or working on her latest needlepoint project.
