I’m a child of the ’90s, so my pivotal teenage years happened in the mid-2000s to 2010s. And, for anyone who didn’t go through their teen years then, let me tell you that it was not a great time to be a teenage girl. While we may not have had the full onslaught of social media (just MySpace and pretending we were in college to get on Facebook), it was a time when it felt like the cultural commentary was going out of its way to cultivate low self-esteem in girls.
On The Biggest Loser, trainer Jillian Michaels told contestants they should be able to wrap their hands around their waist to check for thinness (something that stuck with me for decades post-show). The media called out celebrities for their appearance, with no regard for the person or the impressionable young people reading or watching their coverage. It was a bad time for self-esteem and body positivity.
Recently, my friends and I commiserated over the sad reality that some of this early aughts toxicity has been brought back into our culture. And, unfortunately, it’s even more complicated now.
“My friends and I commiserated over the sad reality that we feel like some of this early oughts toxicity has been brought back into our culture.”
In the age of social media, the issue of body image has been ramped up on steroids, with new (or more commonplace, at least) factors like Botox, fillers, GLP-1 weight loss drugs, plastic surgeries… the list goes on. I can’t be the only millennial mom whose current FYP page has been inundated with the latest celeb to get plastic surgery, influencer to get a bleph or lip flip, or how fillers are the key to facial balancing. And all of that has led me to question—is everyone getting plastic surgery without me?
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The de-stigmatization of plastic surgery
Now, let me just get this out of the way—I genuinely have no problem with people getting plastic surgery. In fact, I appreciate the openness of public figures who are open and truthful about it. A few years back, Kylie Jenner was completely honest when revealing she had had a breast augmentation in her late teens. She was specific about the facts and even expressed regret about having it so young (something that, as a mom, I was glad to see, knowing she has a fanbase of teenagers).
In many ways, the de-stigmatization of plastic surgery seems like a good thing. I firmly believe that adults should have autonomy over their own bodies. If the idea of plastic surgery gives them happiness, then who am I to judge? Where I tend to have more of an issue is the flip side of that de-stigmatization, with many on social media treating plastic surgery as a given. As mom Lauren Cody Hoffman shared on TikTok, she fell victim to thinking certain procedures are a “quick fix” and “not that big of a deal,” and after having one with complications, she wanted to start de-influencing people about plastic surgery.
Are we being gaslit into believing everyone has “new faces”?
In recent months, I’ve felt like every promoted video in my Instagram feed was about the “new faces” of celebrities. Apparently, every celebrity in my age group had a facelift, a major surgery I would never in a million years have considered someone would get in their mid-30s. I quickly learned that, no, it was not just me seeing this onslaught of videos.
Allure wrote a fascinating article about the phenomenon, calling out the fact that social media as a whole had gotten way too comfortable with declaring that celebrities had undergone plastic surgery, even when the person themselves denied it. For example, Jennifer Lawrence has been at the center of the “new face” discourse, accused of having undergone various cosmetic procedures. The only problem? Lawrence herself denied having any of these done, save for having had Botox injections.
Now, there are a few issues here. One is that Jennifer Lawrence is a human being, and owes the world as a whole zero explanation on any cosmetic procedures she has or has not done. Another issue is that, when asked, she answered—so why do we not believe her? And three is more of an issue as society at large, and that is that people are far too quick to deem that someone has a brand new face from plastic surgery instead of taking into account that faces change over time (not to mention that a team of makeup and hairstylists is behind every public appearance of celebrities).
Then there are “real faces” getting headlines
Interspersed among the “here’s what she got done” posts are the ones celebrating the celebrities who have “real faces.” By this I mean actresses such as Claire Danes, who has been celebrated for the way her face emotes in the recent show The Beast In Me. Or, Kate Winslet, who spoke about her decision not to get plastic surgery or Botox, saying, “And that’s why looking like a normal person, having a face that moves, having all the wrinkles that my 50 years show… that matters a great deal because I want to lead by example.”
My immediate reaction is to also celebrate this way of thinking, especially as a girl mom. Kylie Kelce recently shared similar sentiments on her Not Gonna Lie podcast, “I would like more women to know, it [surgeries and procedures] doesn’t have to be the status quo.” Like Kelce, I want my daughter to love her face, to love her body, and to never feel like she needs to “change” something. I want my daughter to see aging as a positive and a privilege.
“I want my daughter to see aging as a positive and a privilege. I want her to love her face, to love her body, and to never feel like she needs to ‘change’ something.”
But I also have a conflicting voice in my head, because the truth of the matter is that I have tried Botox, I have tried filler. While both were done minimally (and the filler was something I had dissolved after realizing I didn’t like how it looked), I do sometimes bristle at the terminology of “real face” when discussing each, as I don’t feel like my face is any less “real” than someone who hasn’t done either.
Why does the entire discourse make me feel like I’m a teen again?
As a woman, as a mom, as a human, let me just say—I kind of hate the entire discourse. The constant commentary on whether someone has or hasn’t had plastic surgery, fillers, weight loss drugs, whathaveyou; all it does is make me question whether that’s something I should be considering. When I see breakdowns of every filler placement or brow lift some celebrity has had, I subconsciously start wondering if that’s something I should be doing. Alternatively, when I see Claire Danes lauded for natural movement in her face, I start chastising myself for getting Botox.
Basically, what it feels like is, for the millionth time throughout history, women just can’t win. Real faces, new faces… it just makes me want to scream and block social media from ever becoming a part of my daughter’s life. Just like in the 2000s, it feels like everyone is getting way too brazen with their commentary and allegations about people’s bodies, making me feel like I’m a teen again.
“Basically, what it feels like is, for the millionth time throughout history, women just can’t win.”
I love that Kate Winslet can embrace aging and come out and talk about her decision not to have Botox or undergo plastic surgery. I also love that other celebrities can openly talk about work that they have had done, a transparency I’m fully here for. What I don’t need are the videos alleging someone has had major surgery just because their face has changed over time, or the comparison that a “real face” is better.
I guess what I’m saying is let’s just let people live. Let them have bodily autonomy, and let’s celebrate the beauty that exists in everyone. Sure, it may sound like a utopia in the current cultural commentary toxic pit we live in, but you can bet it’s the message I’ll be spreading within my household to hopefully spare my kid from the teenagehood I had.
Morgan Flaherty, Contributing Writer
Morgan is full-time writer, editor, and mom. She lives in New York with her husband, daughter, and one very sassy cat. Along with her work as a contributing writer for The Everymom, her writing has appeared in Well + Good, InStyle, Scary Mommy, Byrdie, and Baby Chick.
