"Taking a major family trip is a big deal. Thereâs a lot that goes into planning and budgeting for a trip, and it can be stressful to make sure everyone is ready to go. For a lot of family vacations, kids know exactly where theyâre going well in advance, but for bigger trips, like ones to Disney World, itâs a common practice to surprise them with the trip.
My family is taking our first trip to Disney World in June with our two girls, and we have been debating whether my husband and I should tell them in advance or surprise them when we get to Florida.
Iâve seen cute videos where parents surprise their kids with a trip, and the reaction is priceless, but Iâve also seen videos where the surprise doesnât go so well, so I chatted with Melissa Schwartz, a parenting coach and cofounder of Leading Edge Parenting, to get her advice on the pros and cons of surprising your kid with a big trip.
Melissa Schwartz, Parenting Coach and Co-founder of Leading Edge Parenting
Melissa helps highly sensitive families and adults master their emotions, set healthy boundaries (within themselves and with others) and embrace their capacity for deep empathy. Melissa is an author, public speaker, transformational coach, the co-founder of Leading Edge Parenting and an internationally respected expert in the field of Highly Sensitive Children. She is the co-author of Authentic Parenting Power and Rico the Race Car: Ricoâs Bumpy Week.
Why do parents surprise kids with trips?
âParents derive joy out of seeing our kids inextricably happy,â Schwartz says. âA lot of parenting can be a slog and difficult and overwhelming and filled with ingratitude, so when we have the opportunity to have this immense joy relating to our kids, we want to have it.â
âA lot of parenting can be difficult and overwhelming, so when we have the opportunity to have this immense joy relating to our kids, we want to have it.â
Iâve seen some of these moments on a smaller scale already, like when I tell my girls spur of the moment that weâre going to get a Happy Meal for lunch, and the reaction makes me feel like Iâm the mom of the year. Itâs a feeling I donât usually get during the normal days of motherhood and really goes a long way in filling my bucket.
Parenting IS tough and can often feel unrewarding, so to be able to surprise your child with a big trip and (hopefully) see an ecstatic kid would be a wonderful moment. With NerdWallet recently estimating that a trip to Disney World for a family of four typically costs upwards of $6,000, itâs a big deal for many families to be able to take the trip. Being able to see surpriseâand gratitudeâwhen telling your child that youâre going on a big trip can be extremely satisfying.
Setting expectations when surprising your kids with a trip
But sometimes surprising a kid with a trip doesnât get the reaction parents are looking for, like when these parents told their daughter they were going to Disneyland instead of school that day, and she burst into tears. Or when this family told their son he was going to a broccoli farm and instead took him to the circus, and heâs absolutely despondent.
Kids may need some time to process the news
Schwartz explains that while some kids will absolutely love a surprise, other kids, especially if theyâre sensitive, will likely not respond well to a surprise. Some kids need more time to process new ideas and how the new information may affect them. Surprising them that theyâre leaving for a trip that very second or telling them that theyâre going on a trip versus what youâd originally told them you were doing can feel jarring and mean you donât get the reaction you were hoping for.
âWe donât want to set [kids] up to look or feel like theyâre being ungrateful for an experience because they werenât prepared for it,â Schwartz notes.
Think about how your child might respond
She says if youâre not sure if your child would handle a big surprise well, try something local to see how they respond, like having a surprise play date with friends instead of playing in the backyard just with you to see how they react.
âTry something that disrupts their expectation of how things are supposed to unfold, even if itâs something they would like in general,â she explains. âCan your kid roll with that?â
If yes, jumping straight into the playdate without hesitation as an example didnât faze them, then maybe surprising them with a big trip will go over smoothly. If not, you might want to announce the surprise more in advance so they have time to mentally prepare and adjust to the new plan.
Fun ways to tell your kids theyâre going on a trip
Whether you decide on surprising your kid with a trip or not, you can have fun telling them. Schwartz points out that deciding to tell your kids a couple of weeks before a big trip can still be a fun surprise but will give kids more time to prepare.
Have a countdown
âYou get to then have like two weeks of preparation of savoring the experience with them,â she says, saying doing things like a fun countdown for the trip, looking at pictures of where youâre going, and talking about what the daily activities might look like helps build excitement and anticipation and helps kids prep, too.
Iâve decided that weâll probably do a week-long countdown for our Disney trip. The day that we tell the girls weâre going, we may do a custom surprise video or fake entry ticket to let them know the trip is happening. Other Everymom editors suggested wrapping a Disney stuffed animal so that kids have something tangible to hold.
Surprise them with new travel essentials
Each day after that, weâll surprise our girls with things that weâd pack for our trip anyway, like Mickey Ears, a Mickey Mouse hat for the park, an autograph book for meeting characters, Minnie Mouse sunglasses, a fanny pack for holding plane snacks and other things while weâre at Magic Kingdom, a new Disney inspired bathing suit for pool time, and a cute kidsâ Disney outfit or two to wear on our trip.
Tell them what to expect
This way there are still elements of surprise leading up to the trip, which will (hopefully) create the excited reactions Iâd be hoping for, and itâll give us ample opportunity to talk to the girls about what to expect when we get there.
Every family is different, so there is no wrong or right answer for whether you decide to surprise your kids with a big trip, like a vacation to Disney World.
Deciding what is right for your family
It can be a memory for the record books if the surprise goes well, but keep in mind that if you do decide to surprise your kids, be prepared for a potential reaction that isnât what you expected. The same goes for if you decide to do small surprises leading up to the trip.
Know itâs not personal if your kids donât react the way youâd hoped. It doesnât mean that theyâre not grateful or excited to be going on the trip; it just might mean they need a bit more time to process whatâs happening.
Remember, says Schwartz, âThe real joy is getting to be at Disney and have the memory with your kid.â Even if a surprise doesnât go as planned, you can still have a trip of a lifetime.
Elliott Harrell, Contributing Writer
Elliott is a mom of two little girls and is based in Raleigh, NC. She spends her days running a sales team and doing laundry and her nights writing about the things that she loves. Sheâs passionate about all things motherhood and womenâs health. When sheâs not working, writing or parenting you can find her trying a new restaurant in town or working on her latest needlepoint project.