"OK, so there is a lot of parenting advice out there.
Books, articles, advice (solicited and unsolicited) from friends, family, and mothers-in-law. It can be overwhelming to remember, evaluate, and apply to your daily life. Iāve found much of my parenting decisions default to WWMMD: What Would My Mom Do?
But I have gleaned a few parenting tips that didnāt necessarily come from my own mother or mother-in-law. Rather, theyāre a collection of learnings from articles, books, advice, and experience (and even a Disney movie). Theyāre short, easy to remember, and although I don’t always succeed in their execution, I am trying.
Isnāt that the best any of us can do?
1. Sit on your hands
As your kids are learning to do things themselves, itās easy to grow impatient and step in to help them zip their coat, buckle their seatbelt, or put on their shoes. But not letting them try is only teaching them theyāre not capable. So, sit on your hands if you have to, literally.
…not letting [kids] try is only teaching them theyāre not capable.
With my youngest, Ā āMy do it myself!ā was one of her first sentences, and Iām grateful for her assertive reminder to step back and let her try unless she asks for my assistance. As my oldest has grown and gone off to elementary school, Iāve started weighing the consequences when she forgets things like returning a library book, bringing her water bottle, or packing her show-and-share item for school. By not running home to retrieve the forgotten item, I hope I’m teaching her responsibility and resilience now when the consequences may only include a couple of tears at school.
2. You feel what you feel, and those feelings are real
Yes, Iām quoting Kristoff/Sven from Frozen 2 here, but said another way, I try to acknowledge my childās feelings even when Iām frustrated and theyāre on my last nerve. I donāt always succeed, and sometimes I yell or put them in time-out, but Iāve read so many articles about the importance of validating their feelings, and Iāve seen it work in practice, especially as my kids are growing and Iām getting to know them better.
Having a child who deeply feels all the feelings (otherwise known as an empath) has made me more aware of my own feelings, and Iām learning to be more empathetic. As L.R. Knost, an author, feminist, and social justice advocate with parenting quotes all over Instagram, says, āWhen little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, itās our job to share our calm, not join in their chaos.ā So sometimes, I need to take a deep breath and ask a few questions to get to the root of a problem.
Source: @melissagraypeters via #sharetheeverymom
3. Limits show love
When my oldest daughter was a toddler, I was a stay-at-home mom for a brief stint. She and I would spend our days visiting the library, doing errands, and more. But I made a parenting mistake I still see manifested in her years later. Whether we were at the grocery store, HomeGoods, or Target, Iād always buy her a little something. It got to the point when sheād ask complete strangers in the grocery store if she could get a box of Disney Princess fruit snacks after I told her no (thank you to the strangers gently telling her, āYou have to go ask your momā!).
Yes, these are small choices early in life, but I didnāt do a very good job setting limits at her young age. And she still has an expectation of acquiring something new every time we go anywhere, whereas her younger sister doesnāt even ask.
I know this is a small example, but as they grow, boundaries are an important way to show your kids you love them. As teens, they will be bent on pushing back against the limits we set for them as a test of this love. So, starting when they’re young will help (at least that’s what I tell myself).
4. Let them get bored
I like playing with my kids…to a point. Building a LEGO set, playing a board game, or having a dance party are a few ways I enjoy spending time with my kids. But being the constant entertainment source for my children is exhausting. And often guilt is added to the pressure of finding activities, crafts, and games to play. When I opt out of playtime, sometimes I feel guilty for not soaking up every single play-with-me-mom moment of their childhood.
But the experts agree, boredom can be an invitation to imagine, invent, and create. It also teaches children it’s OK to sit with their own thoughts. So, letting them get bored is actually a gift, not something we should feel guilty about.
Source: @occasions.byshakira
5. The days are long, but the years are short
But back to soaking in every moment. I think “The days are long, but the years are short” is the most honest parenting quote Iāve ever read. And I use it as my own reminder to be present. Iāve made an effort to put my phone down more, even resisting the urge to photograph every activity or adorable face because Iāve realized it makes me happier to pause, look up, and engage with whatās happening around me.
Long, lonely nights spent nursing to the glow of my phone are only a memory. Some nights, I now find myself scrolling through old videos of my kids on my phone while my husband is watching football or after heās gone to bed. I wonder how Iāve already forgotten the sound of their little baby voices or how I translated their toddler talk. And, wow, how were they ever so little?
I think Iām currently living in one of those sweet spots of parenthood. My kids play together, say āI love youā unprompted, and give out spontaneous hugs. They still climb into our bed for a snuggle almost every morning and believe a princess bandage can heal most wounds. My mind will wander as I stay in the snuggle some early mornings. I canāt help but notice how long my 7-year-oldās legs have become as she lays next to me or how much heavier my 4-year-old feels as I help lift her in bed. I remember wishing away those long, lonely nights, early morning wakeups, mundane days in the moment, and looking forward to a time when things would get easier. I’m here now.
Sometimes, the days are still long, but I’m trying not to wish them away because I know sweet spots don’t last forever either.
