"If you had come to our house a few weeks ago between the hours of 7 and 10 p.m., you’d find yourself in a weird scene. The house would be dark, but not exactly quiet. From behind my toddler’s closed door, you might hear my husband or me cajoling her—begging her—to try to go to sleep. You might hear an eerily peppy song, say A Spoonful of Sugar, or the theme song to Thomas & Friends, playing on repeat.
But if you came by at that same time today, we’d be gone—most likely on a long, leisurely stroll through the park near our house. We’ve simply surrendered to a later bedtime for our 2-year-old rather than struggling so hard to get her down at a “normal” toddler time. It’s been a week, and we’re already so much happier for it.
What Led to Our Toddler’s Late Bedtime
Since our child was an infant, I’ve dutifully attempted to put her down to bed between 6 and 8 p.m. This, I read from various experts, was the optimal time for babies and little kids to go to sleep. It mostly worked, until now. But a few months ago, she just started fighting it more and more. I assume that, to some extent, it’s related to the changing seasons. Where we live in the Pacific Northwest, it stays light out until after 9 p.m. Even though her room is very dark, it’s like she senses the shift in season.
I’m also sure that, to some extent, her protests are also part of typical toddler development. I know some parents would sleep train their toddler, which we did when our child was a baby. But she’s going through some major medical stuff this year, and we just don’t have the heart to shut the door and let her cry it out for now. Sure, we try to reason with her and explain why we all need sleep. We have a “bedtime routine” that includes books, cuddles, and the works. But despite all that, she’ll still beg for one of us to stay in her room with her and then still not settle down for hours.
We would lie down on the floor. Lie down on the Nugget play couch. Nothing was working. So, we tried having more active days. Making sure she was getting a ton of socialization and exercising. Ending her nap earlier in the afternoon. Still no luck. Meanwhile, this whole song and dance was killing our evenings at home. While one parent posted up in her room, the other parent would creep around quietly, afraid to so much as wash the dishes loudly.
“While one parent posted up in her room, the other parent would creep around quietly, afraid to so much as wash the dishes loudly.”
Finally, one day after dinner, we just decided to go on a long walk to a nearby park by a lake. It was already 7 p.m. (formerly bedtime), but the sun was soft and inviting. The thought of crawling into that dark cave of her room during the golden hour seemed so demoralizing. So we strapped her into the stroller and just… left.
The Benefits of a Later Bedtime
Once we were out, I felt no regret. We pushed the stroller for about a mile, then let her walk and totter around a bit. An ice cream truck passed, still selling treats. We saw a gaggle of baby geese, a couple of bunnies sniffing through the grass, and some young, carefree couples lying on blankets looking cool and making me feel old.
We even saw some other toddlers. The scene made me nostalgic for my own childhood when a summer night felt like it could last forever. By the time we got home, it was well past 8 p.m., but my daughter seemed genuinely tired. We did a very hasty version of the bedtime routine and put her down with no protestation. It felt too good to be true.
A few days later, we met a couple with two young kids at a BBQ. They shared that they were lucky if they could get their kids to bed by 10 p.m. in the summer. While it wasn’t ideal, they did get out a lot to socialize as a family, and to them, that was more important. It made me feel better about our newly lax schedule.
At least for the summer, and while our family is going through an extra stressful time, is a late bedtime such a big deal in the long run? It’d be one thing if our child seemed cranky or tired, but she always seems well-rested still. Would I still prefer she predictably dozed off at 7 p.m. sharp? Sure. Someday, we will probably try to get back to an earlier bedtime. But for now, we’re just trying to enjoy this one special summer with a 2-year-old. Next time we go out on a night walk, I might just stop at the ice cream truck.
Annie Atherton
Annie is a mom and writer covering parenting, culture, women, and work. In addition to The Everymom, her writing has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, the BBC, Insider, Seattle Magazine, The Seattle Times, Travel+Leisure, Romper, and Scary Mommy. She’s particularly interested in questions of how people can design their lives and traditions in accordance with their values.