"Family vacations are a great way to unplug and connect with your kids and partner. But let me let you in on a little secret. Taking a family vacation when your kids are little is actually not a vacation—it’s parenting in a new location. The new location might be lovely, idyllic even, but the house you stay in is not going to be childproof. Your kids are still going to wake up early, and while you can try to push past naptime, it won’t be pretty (or worth it) for anyone involved. These family vacations can still be a lot of fun and a great way to make core memories, but they’re also exhausting and a lot of work.
Earlier this year, when my husband and I were mapping out where to go on vacation with our 3 1/2 and 1 1/2-year-olds, we got invited to join two other families to rent a house at the beach for a week. We jumped at the opportunity to join forces with friends who also have small children, and it turned out to be the best decision. Six adults and four kids under 5 meant pretty constant mild chaos, but it actually felt like a vacation (most of the time), and it’s something we’ll definitely do again. Here’s why:
Everyone got to have an actual break throughout the week
Pre-kids, taking a vacation is relaxing and usually fairly minimal effort. Vacationing with small kids is the opposite. Because we had a beach vacation for the week, our days centered around water activities. If you’re at a resort, they may provide things like beach chairs or umbrellas or towels for the pool, but at a rental house, you’ll have to set up everything yourself.
Taking kids to the beach or the pool when you have a rental house requires packing up a lot of stuff and figuring out how to schlep it to where you’re going. None of our kids can swim yet, so being in the water also requires constant supervision.
But having six adults with “just” four kids meant that there were always extra hands around to help out. That meant that at some point during the week, everyone got time to themselves without kids. Solo time is important for recharging and isn’t something that’s always possible if you’re just with your partner and young kids on a trip.
The dads played golf, the moms went for long walks; I read a book in absolute quiet for a few hours one day. There were days when a few adults would take the kids to the beach earlier in the morning to give the others some time to drink their coffee in peace. My husband and I probably could have managed to give each other a bit of solo time if we were by ourselves, but it would have been a lot of work for the other partner. We would have felt fried instead of semi-relaxed, like we did after this trip, thanks to the additional support.
There were more adults to split the mental and physical load
I’m sorry to report that the same mental load exists while you’re on vacation as when you’re home. Dinner still needs to be planned and made, laundry still needs to be done, and schedules still need to be thought of, but having six adults meant no one had to shoulder as much as they normally do at home.
The biggest help, by far, was splitting up grocery shopping and dinner duties. One couple might cook while the rest of us cleaned. If one person was making dinner for their kid, it was easy to make a few more plates for the rest. If we needed something at the store, there were multiple people who could go to grab it.
Things like throwing all the kids in the bathtub together or doing a joint story time before bed also spread the work out across all the adults, and the kids thought it was a blast.
If my husband and I were solo, we would have had to do this all ourselves. It would have been no different to our regular schedule and would have soured the vacation a bit.
There was built-in entertainment for everyone
There were two “big kids” on our trip (4 1/2 and 3 1/2) and two “little kids” on our trip (21 months and 18 months), which meant that all of the kids had built-in playmates. Every family packed a few favorite toys from home and stocked up on mess-free markers, so when the kids weren’t in the water, they had plenty to entertain each other with at our rental house.
It felt like a week-long playdate, which made the kids infinitely happier than they would have been if they were just with us and meant the adults weren’t responsible for entertaining all the time. Yes, there were times when the parents had to break up a squabble or help out, but there was a lot of independent play that didn’t involve the adults.
And when the kids went to bed, the adults got time to socialize and have fun. We played cards, our resident cocktail master friend made fun drinks, and we sat up talking with each other. On a normal vacation with kids, it’s hard to do something fun after they go to bed because you’re tethered to the house or your hotel room, but this felt like the adults got to enjoy themselves, too.
Our budget went further
From a logistical perspective, having three couples paying for the accommodations, food, and supplies meant that our budget went a lot further. My husband and I would not have been able to afford the house we stayed in if it was just our family, but pooling resources meant we ended up in a nicer rental house.
If all of the families had stayed at a resort or hotel, we wouldn’t have shared a room with friends, so we wouldn’t have gotten the same budget pooling effect we did by getting a rental house, and we probably would have eaten out a lot more, which would have driven our food cost up.
You’ll make your budget go further if you start looking for a rental well in advance of when you want to go. The closer you are to a trip date, the less inventory will be available, which usually means higher prices and fewer options that might fit everyone’s needs. Most Airbnbs or VRBOs will let you book a year in advance (sometimes more!), so thinking about where to go for next summer isn’t a bad thing to do now.
Our grocery budget also felt massive since we had three families contributing. If you’re driving to your destination, try to bring kitchen basics like aluminum foil, olive oil, and your favorite spices, as most rentals aren’t stocked well for cooking. You don’t want to spend money on things you already have in your pantry.
Our group coordinated what we’d each be packing for the rental from our house, and because we were a large group, we were really able to take advantage of bulk buys from Costco, which left a lot of budget for splurge-worthy items like fresh seafood and steaks for dinner.
We’re already thinking about our next trip
Staying at a resort or hotel would have still had some of the same benefits we experienced staying in a house like more hands on deck to supervise and kids being able to play with each other. But we wouldn’t have been able to share the mental load as much or pool resources as we did for groceries.
I’m so glad we took a group vacation this year—it felt like less work for all of the adults, the kids loved having other kids to play with, and everyone got to relax a little bit. I still want to take a few trips just with our core family unit, but traveling with other families is definitely something I’ll do again.
Elliott Harrell, Contributing Writer
Elliott is a mom of two little girls and is based in Raleigh, NC. She spends her days running a sales team and doing laundry and her nights writing about the things that she loves. She’s passionate about all things motherhood and women’s health. When she’s not working, writing or parenting you can find her trying a new restaurant in town or working on her latest needlepoint project.