When I was a first-time mom, I put immense pressure on myself to be the “perfect” mom. I wanted to seem like I had everything together: nap times nailed down and fresh laundry always available—the intention to have my entire home and life in order. I tried my hardest to be a full-fledged Type A or Alpha Mom, but when my second child came into the picture, I let go of perfectionism. And I’ll admit, I’m much happier. Apparently, moms on TikTok are saying I’ve entered my “Beta Mom” era, and it’s the trend I (and other moms) are fully embracing.
There are aspects of my life that my Type A self would never be caught doing. She’d be shocked, really. Nowadays, there are never-ending loads of laundry, toys are everywhere, and going with the flow is more of my style. And now that I’m giving my kids a ‘90s summer, the Beta Mom in me is fully out. It’s saying “yes” to an open calendar and counting the pool as a bath. Are you wondering whether you, too, are a Beta Mom? Here, I’m breaking down what a Beta Mom is, how it differs from other parenting styles, and more.
You May Also Like:
- Wait, Am I a Type C Mom? Meet the Parenting Style Going Viral
- Why I’m Craving a ‘Butter Mom’ Summer
- Why We Need to Stop the Comparison Game as Moms
What is a ‘Beta Mom’?
Beta Moms reject perfectionism and embrace the “good enough” approach to parenting. They don’t hyper-focus on milestones or achievements, pack their kids’ schedules to the brim, or try to organize their playroom to look as aesthetic as possible. Instead, a Beta Mom focuses on emotional availability and attunement that remains flexible for their family and embraces the messiness of motherhood with open arms.
Obviously, this is much easier said than done. Feeling weighed down by perfectionism in motherhood is a very normal emotional battle we can all relate to. A true Beta Mom acknowledges these feelings exist, while still relinquishing control. She surrenders to the chaos of parenthood, accepting that, sometimes, saying “it is what it is” and learning as she goes is the best she can do for herself and her family.
Why the ‘Beta Mom’ trend is resonating on TikTok
We all know it—parenting burnout is at an all-time high, especially for moms. The mental load of motherhood is heavy and growing. Many moms are looking for ways to let go of stress and embrace parenthood, even in their everyday life. This is where the Beta Mom label comes in. Overwhelmed moms find comfort in a title that allows them to relinquish control without guilt.
Moms are craving authenticity
Surprisingly, the tried-and-true “aesthetic mom” content is not what most parents are after these days. After a long day, most moms don’t want to open their phones and see someone’s perfect house and spotless kitchen. They want to scroll on Instagram and know that—somewhere out there—there’s a mom in the same (chaotic) boat as they are. They’re craving authenticity, and labels like ‘Beta Mom’ offer the chance to revel in the shared experience of their messy bedrooms, piles of laundry, and unorganized schedules. For once, moms are learning to embrace “good enough” parenting instead of feeling pressured to have everything under control at all times.
“For once, moms are learning to embrace ‘good enough’ parenting instead of feeling pressured to have everything under control at all times.”
Beta Mom vs. Alpha Mom: What’s the difference?
Where a Beta Mom rejects comparison and embraces imperfection, an Alpha Mom is driven by achievement and structure. Her competitive drive is at the core of who she is, and she likes to be in control. If her child is throwing a tantrum or her playroom is messy, she approaches these situations as problems to be solved. She also tends to put more emphasis on milestones, achievements, and a packed schedule for her little ones.
You can be both an Alpha Mom and a Beta Mom
While Alpha and Beta Moms may seem like they exist on opposite ends of the spectrum, most mothers don’t fit into either category so neatly. Mothers, like everyone else in the world, are dynamic human beings with traits that shift and evolve over time. One mom may find herself leaning into being an Alpha Mom in one season of her life, and then slowly shifting to a Beta Mom lifestyle as the years pass. The reverse can also take place. The important thing to remember is not to lean into these labels too much, and to allow yourself the space to grow and change.
Alpha and Beta Moms are also not polar opposites or enemies. One isn’t superior to the other in the way they parent. Many moms are resonating with the Beta Mom label right now because of its rejection of comparison and perfectionism. At the end of the day, we’re all just moms trying our best. We have to lift each other up, not tear each other down.
Signs you might be a Beta Mom
Has the Beta Mom label sparked your interest? Here are some key signs that you, too, may be a Beta Mom.
You say “let’s see how it goes” and “it is what it is”—a lot
Phrases like these are soothing acts of surrender. They relinquish control and accept that not everything is going to go exactly as planned. If you find yourself uttering these words during your day-to-day, you may already be on the road to becoming a Beta Mom.
You’re flexible with routines and schedules
Beta Moms embrace schedules that are adaptable, not rigid. Strict infant sleep schedules and family vacations planned down to the millisecond aren’t their style. While they’re not opposed to a busy after-school activity for their kiddos, they’re willing to let go of the schedule for the sake of the moment and—most importantly—for the sake of making memories.
You lean on your village and ask for help
Alpha Moms may want to appear as if they have it all together, but Beta Moms aren’t willing to suffer for the sake of being a “perfect” mom. They know they can’t do it all alone—and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an indicator of strength. If you value your village and welcome additional support, you may be a Beta Mom.
You embrace the mess
While social media is still heavily saturated with spotless kitchens and freshly vacuumed living rooms, Beta Moms aren’t after a perfectly clean house. They’re not even after a “sort of” clean house. They’ve accepted that motherhood throws a lot of curveballs, and if the worst thing in their life is a family room floor covered with LEGOs, they’re already doing their best. Most importantly, a Beta Mom doesn’t see a pile of unwashed laundry or an unpacked suitcase as a sign of an “off day” on her part. Rather, just natural side effects of a busy home with lots of little ones.
Are parenting labels actually helpful?
There are plenty of benefits to parenting labels like Beta Mom. They create community, encourage self-reflection, and normalize varied parenting styles. This is especially important in a world where everything is on social media, and parenting can often feel like a competition. However, there are also drawbacks to parenting labels. Labels like ‘Beta Mom’ and ‘Alpha Mom’ can create unnecessary division during a time when moms should be supporting each other. They can also feed the parenting comparison game, especially if one parenting style is seen as superior or “better” than another.
These labels are also not all-or-nothing. To be a Beta Mom is not to let go of structure and routine entirely. To be an Alpha Mom is to not be so strict that there’s no room for flexibility. Sometimes, parenting labels like these can lead to more rigidity in parenting style when—in reality—adaptability is the answer.
There are times when the Alpha Mom in me shows up, and other times when the Beta Mom comes out. After all, my calendar hates to see me coming. However, if the day doesn’t go as planned or my kids and I are just not feeling whatever is “planned,” a pivot is always welcome. It’s all about being willing to change and grow with your kids’ needs!
Rebecca Smith, Editorial Assistant
As an Editorial Assistant, Rebecca works with The Everymom team on updating existing content, photo sourcing, pitching original articles, and more. She’s passionate about creating authentic and diverse online content and is thrilled to help women of all ages feel represented.
Patty Schepel, Associate Editor
As the Associate Editor, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, editing freelance articles, and more. With Patty’s passion for writing, experience as a mother of two, and expertise as a pediatric nurse, she brings a thoughtful and informative perspective to The Everymom.
