As a parent, you hear it over and over again, “it takes a village”. And as far as parenting clichés go, it’s safe to say that this one certainly holds up. The “village” is essentially a community approach to raising a child, where support extends just beyond the parents. For generations, that kind of help and safety net was often built in. It was family nearby and neighbors stepping in. It made daily life easier because you had people to lean on. Today, the parenting village still feels necessary. It just doesn’t feel as natural.
In those early postpartum days, having a village is huge. It can look like meals dropped off, someone taking your older child out for a bit, a check-in text, or a coffee left on your porch. And then, slowly, that version of the village shifts. The check-ins become less frequent, the help becomes less extended, and what’s left is the day-to-day version you rely on to keep your life moving.
As a mom of two under 3 in a two-working-parent household, I do have a village, and I know how lucky I am. But it’s definitely different from what I grew up with only a few decades ago.
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This is what my “village” looks like
Our village is a mix of part-time childcare, help from grandparents and family, a mother’s helper on the days I have deadlines looming, and outsourcing things like dog walks or house cleaning to buy back a little time.
It works. But, it also seems like we’re constantly piecing our village together. And often, we’re paying for it. And even with all of the support, it still feels like we’re barely staying ahead some weeks.
For us, a big part of that village revolves around being a two-working-parent household—we need some type of consistent care for our kids. My husband works full-time outside the home, and I freelance from home. Work for me is around 20 hours per week, plus providing full-time care for my 4-month-old daughter until she can head to our preferred daycare at 18 months. My son is three, and his childcare is a mix.
A snapshot of what a week looks like for us:
- Monday: Home daycare, dog walker, and a once-a-month house cleaner for a deep clean
- Tuesday: Home daycare, dog walker
- Wednesday: Grandparent day
- Thursday: Both kids are home, and we usually go to my mom’s for extra support so I can work, plus the dog walker
- Friday: Home daycare
- Saturday: We’re all off
- Sunday: I bring both kids to my parents’ house and squeeze in some work
Back-up care, babysitters, grocery delivery, and more
That’s just the baseline. It’s not factoring in times where my only option was to drop my son off at my dad’s office for a couple of hours. Or my sister-in-law pitching in as needed. And if I’m tight on a deadline, I’ll call in a mother’s helper, a lovely teenager who lives a few houses down from us, for an hour or so.
Since both sets of grandparents help regularly, we try not to rely on them for things like date nights. As my daughter gets older, we’ll likely extend our village and look for a babysitter to make that happen occasionally. And I can’t forget things like grocery delivery, Sesame Street, and Curious George. They’ve become part of my village, too.
It’s a handful of different pieces and people, all working together, and certainly not always seamlessly. It often feels like we are one sick human or a surprise event away from the whole thing crumbling down.
“It often feels like we are one sick human or a surprise event away from the whole thing crumbling down.”
It doesn’t feel like the village I grew up in
I’m a millennial and was raised in the ‘90s. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and my best friend’s mom was, too. If I’m remembering correctly, I think my elementary school, which was pretty big, had one small bus used for before and after-school care.
I know that wasn’t the case for everyone, and data shows that more moms were working outside the home during that time, as mothers in the workforce continued to rise, reaching 70% by the mid-late 1990s.
But other factors contributed to my village as a child, and how the villages around me felt. Families were often bigger, so older siblings took some responsibility for younger ones after school. Grandparents helped. My mom took my friends regularly to after-school activities when their parents were working.
What’s changed?
There are, of course, a lot of reasons. But two major ones are that there were fewer dual-income households, and the cost of living was vastly different.
Today, more than 60% of married-couple families in the U.S. have both parents working, and childcare costs have risen significantly over the past few decades. Mothers are also working more hours than they used to—about 300 more hours per year than they did 40 years ago, with paid work hours more evenly split between men and women. What hasn’t changed? Women still do more of the unpaid care work.
Other shifts have played a role, too:
- Families living farther from extended relatives
- Moving for jobs or more affordable housing
- Smaller family sizes
- More reliance on paid childcare and services
- The sandwich generation leaves moms caring for children and their aging parents
Today’s village often comes with a price tag
In today’s world, your village likely isn’t 100% free. Some examples of village support that often come with a cost (and can vary widely by location and family).
- Childcare: around $1,500–$3,000+ per month
- Before/after school care or camps: a few hundred dollars per week
- Babysitters: around $20–$30 an hour
- House cleaners or home support: about $100–$200 per visit
- Paid memberships (gyms with childcare, play spaces, etc.)
- Dog walkers or pet care: around $20+ per visit
- Delivery services (groceries, meals, and everything in between)
Most of these support costs don’t feel excessive on their own. But together, they quickly become the cost of functioning.
Childcare, though, is the one that stands out. Quality care is incredibly important, and the people taking care of your children are invaluable. But the way our childcare system is structured, it can become one of the largest expenses a family takes on. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, childcare costs in the U.S. remain “an almost prohibitive expense” for many families, often rivaling or exceeding the cost of housing in some areas.
“Childcare costs in the U.S. remain ‘an almost prohibitive expense’ for many families, often rivaling or exceeding the cost of housing in some areas.”
I love my work. And I also need to work (bills, you know). My family is a clear example of how childcare becomes a huge part of the village, and one of the biggest expenses tied to it. Somehow, we make it work and come out slightly ahead, but not without a lot of moving parts.
Most families I know are doing the same thing
All of my friends with kids are in some version of this. One of my closest friends is even planning to take a year’s leave from her job because she’s just exhausted. With two kids, one in elementary school and one in daycare, and both she and her husband working full-time, she’s hit her limit. They’re stepping back for a bit and trusting they’ll figure out what works next.
Most families I know with young kids have two working parents and some version of a village made up of daycare, nannies, babysitters, and family. It’s a hodgepodge of shared calendars, sometimes even spreadsheets, and the occasional SOS text when something falls through and out-of-the-box help is needed.
“[Today’s village] is a hodgepodge of shared calendars, sometimes even spreadsheets, and the occasional SOS text when something falls through and out-of-the-box help is needed.”
The village exists—it just looks different now
I left a decade-long career in teaching because I wanted more time at home with my kids. But that didn’t eliminate the need for a village. It just changed what it looks like and how much effort it takes to build one. Families like mine are piecing it together with paid help, flexible work setups, and whatever systems make the day run more smoothly.
There are modern-day conveniences that help. Working from home, when it’s an option, can create a little more flexibility. Delivery services cut down on errands. I even know someone who used AI to plan every detail of her child’s birthday party. But none of it replaces actual support. It just helps fill in the gaps.
Be the villager
Yes, so much of the conversation around the village is about what’s missing or what it costs. But part of it is also about what we give. In a world where support often has to be built from scratch, showing up for each other matters more than ever.
Send the quick check-in text. Drop a meal off without being asked. Offer to pick up essentials at Target when you’re already making the trip. Be the villager when you can and how you can. This is all part of what building a village looks like now.
Danielle Bouchard, Contributing Writer
Danielle is a New England–based freelance writer and editor whose work focuses on motherhood, family, education, and lifestyle content. As a toddler mom with another baby on the way, she loves exploring the everyday moments that shape modern motherhood. When she’s not outside playing with her son, she’s most likely searching for her next great read or walking their very enthusiastic dog.
