"It’s only been a few days of working from home with a baby and a toddler, and I’m already feeling the way most people are feeling about 2020: is this for real? As we’re all adjusting to a new normal and figuring this out as we go, Iām sharing a few things that have helped me work from home with the most inconsiderate colleagues Iāve ever known: my 8-month-old and my 3-year-old.
First, let me say that as a mom with a full-time job outside of the house, Iāve never really had to worry about how to organize our days around education and entertainment. And to be quite honest, it doesnāt come naturally to me.
Iām also undeniably not crafty, so if youāre looking for some ideas from a fellow non-Pinterest mom about how to keep your kids alive while staying sane and getting your work done, youāve come to the right place.
What works for me may not work for everyone, but read on for five ways Iām navigating this uncharted territory.
1. Setting expectations
This is a big one. And it goes beyond setting expectations with your employer. It includes setting expectations with your kids, your partner or co-parent, and yes, yourself.
With myself
Hot take: whatever standard you usually hold yourself to at work or at home ā¦ lower it. By a lot. For us perfectionists, this is hard. For us anxious types, this is hard. Like many of us, I much prefer to give my full attention to the task at handāwhen Iām at work, Iām at work, and when Iām home with the kids, Iām home with the kids.
But working at home with the kids means that being 100 percent present for anything just isnāt realistic. Iāve accepted that my toddler will have more screen time than Iād like (more on that later), and I’ve accepted that Iāll be slower responding to email than Iād like.
With my employer
Working from home with kids is obviously much different than working from home without kids. At first, every time I heard my email ping in the midst of feeding my baby or managing another threenager meltdown, I felt a knot in my stomach.
I felt like I was going to get “caught” doing something I shouldn’t be doing, when in reality, I had to take care of my kids. After I let my manager know that I would try to be available as much as possible during normal working hours, but that many things would be getting done after bedtime, my self-induced anxiety about not being on my professional A-game disappeared.
With my kids
My kids are too young to understand what is going on outside of our home, but we had to address the change in my toddler’s routine so that he would know what to expect. We kept it simple: āThe next few weeks are going to be different. Youāre not going to go to school. Youāre going to stay home with mommy and daddy, but we will be on our computers more than we usually are.ā
As any reasonable 3-year-old would respond, he was like, āGreat, got it, Iāll just keep myself busy then.ā Yeah, no. Heās still a toddler, and he still acts like one. However, because he somewhat understands that I will be on my computer more, he isnāt constantly asking me what Iām doing like he normally would.
With my husband
I understand and sympathize with the fact that not everyone can work from home right now. In our case, my husbandās employer made working from home optional, and I made it mandatory. Aside from the public health benefits of working from home at a time like this, the logic is simple: we both have jobs + we both have kids = we both work from home.
2. Taking turns
It took us less than a half a day to realize that neither of us would get anything done if we were both on parenting duty while working. Every night, we look at calendars for the next day and divide up parenting shifts: before nap and after nap.
Whoever has fewer conference calls or deadlines in the morning is on the before nap parenting shift and vice versa. With this approach, we are both guaranteed to have some mostly uninterrupted work time. Never have I ever been more efficient.
When I’m on my parenting shift, Iām still technically working, but Iām also the snack-maker, potty-taker, diaper-changer, and entertainer. It’s just less stressful because Iāve either already accomplished a number of work tasks in the morning, or I know that I will be able to in the afternoon.
3. Creating a safe space
A pro tip from one of my favorite parenting gurus, Janet Lansbury: create a āyes spaceā for your little ones, in particular, babies. I can leave a room for a few minutes knowing that my toddler is safe, but not so with my newly crawling baby.
A āyes spaceā is a contained area with age-appropriate toys and no safety hazards where I can place the baby to independently play for chunks of time while Iām responding to emails or joining conference calls.
We set up ours in the family room where both of us can still see the “yes space” and the baby from our respective work stations. Iām not a huge fan of our family room looking like a daycare, but thatās the reality right now.
Want to create your own? Here are a few items to get you started:
4. Saying OK to screen time
This goes along with lowering your standards, and it might not be the most popular thing, but the truth is that right now when my toddler says āscreen time,ā I say, āhow much?ā While I try to be thoughtful about the programs he consumes, Iād be lying if I said we havenāt watched Frozen II more than five times since Disney+ released it early.
It wonāt be like this forever, and while heās getting more TV time than normal, heās still getting plenty of old-fashioned book reading, coloring, and exercise. Weāve just loosened our grip on limiting screen time. And thatās OK ā¦ for now.
5. Inviting participation
Speaking of exercise, I consider it necessary for my own sanity. I usually get an hour to myself a few days a week at an early morning workout class. Guess what Iām doing in my basement now a few mornings before signing on for work?
It’s no longer an hour to myself, but an hour for my toddler to join and run and jump and kick to his heartās desire. The more energy he expends, the better.
Another fun āgameā weāre playing? The Office. Itās definitely not as fun as binge-watching The Office, but when I need to get things done, I give my toddler a pretend work assignment, and he sits at his little toddler table āworkingā in the same room as me. If only my work included coloring books, Play-Doh, and conference calls with Mickey Mouse.
Of course, inviting a baby to participate looks a little different. Basically, this one is simple: babywearing. When she gets sick of the confines of her yes space, she rides around in her Ergobaby carrier while I work at my standing desk. And by standing desk, I mean my kitchen island.
Here’s to hoping this is all soon a distant memory.
Read More: 7 Ways to Safeguard Your Mental Health While Self-Isolating With Kids