"Does the word “vibrator” still make you giggle a little? If so, you’re not alone. I should be more mature when talking about it with my fiancé, but it’s almost impossible for me not to crack a coy smile.
Up until a few years ago, however, this wouldn’t have been possible because we were still trying to become sexually comfortable with each other.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re more than likely going to have different viewpoints and experiences. Sometimes your personal history can cause one or both of you to feel apprehensive about certain things, like sex. And if you suggest the use of sex toys? Well, that can cause some unintentional tensions and misunderstandings.
But, guess what? It doesn’t have to be this way. With patience, communication, and understanding, you can introduce a vibrator in the bedroom for the first time. Here’s six ways to do it—literally!
Talk About It
It’s possible that you and your partner approach sex differently, which is normal. One person may love the idea of foreplay while the other prefers to get the deed done. No matter where your sexual interests lie, it’s best to have a conversation about introducing a vibrator if you’ve never used one together before.
Also, it doesn’t matter who initiates the conversation. If you know your partner isn’t great at being caught off guard, you can consider setting aside time to talk over a glass of wine or while watching your favorite show. “Netflix and Chill” exists for a reason. There’s something about being in front of a TV screen while next to someone you’re attracted to that seems to create an enticing atmosphere.
On the other hand, if you have a partner who doesn’t mind talking about certain topics while eating breakfast (as long as the kids aren’t within earshot), you can bring it up then. Just like sex can be filled with different moments, including awkward ones, it’s OK if the conversation isn’t perfect. Perfection isn’t the goal, but communicating desires and talking about any apprehension that may arise is.
Source: Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
Offer Reassurance
Because the topic of sex and sex toys can bring up different feelings for people, it’s important to respect how your partner may feel. If they’re concerned you’re not satisfied with their sexual performance, you can reassure them that you enjoy it. Another way to offer reassurance is by talking about the intimacy factor. True enough, intimacy isn’t just about sex, but you can talk about how fun using a vibrator together may be.
Honest moment: I’m not sure about you, but when I’m able to have fun with my partner, I feel closer to him and this makes my libido sing.
Research Together
With so many vibrators on the market, it can be hard to choose something you and your partner will like. No two couples are alike and we’re willing to guess that you and your partner may also have different sexual desires from time to time. The great thing about researching together is that you’re able to see what’s out there and get a better idea of what vibrator is appealing.
Treat this research like a sexy scavenger hunt—are you looking for clitoral stimulation in certain positions? Are you interested in trying anal play? Do you want something that will work on both of you at the same time? It’s truly all out there to discover, whether you want to visit a shop in person or shop discretely from the comfort of home.
Aside from the many options you can choose from, researching together can help you and your partner better understand why one of you is interested in introducing a vibrator.
Become Familiar With Your Vibrator
Once you’ve purchased your vibrator, you can enter the exploration phase. It’s one thing to read what the vibrator is intended for, but it’s another to actually use it. This can be a great time for you to have a mini solo sex session or have your partner watch as you become familiar with the settings. If you don’t want them to watch you use the vibrator quite yet, you can suggest that they set aside time to play around with the settings.
You’ll also want to make sure you follow any cleaning instructions to ensure safety for you both.
Take Things Slow
When trying something new for the first time, you don’t have to rush to get the job done. In this case, I’m talking about the potential orgasm(s) you might experience with your partner. It’s OK to take your time and find your groove. Once you’ve figured out the settings you want to use on your vibrator, you and your partner can take time exploring different positions with it.
If you or your partner become frustrated while introducing the vibrator during sex, it’s fine to stop using it and take a moment. The goal is ultimately whatever you and your partner have decided, but feeling frustrated doesn’t have to be a part of that.
You can slowly introduce the vibrator by having a conversation about when the two of you want to use it together. Spontaneity may work for some couples, but you or your partner may feel more comfortable if you have an idea of what to expect.
Have Fun
Above all else, don’t forget to have fun! Sex is what you and your partner make it so don’t worry about trying to outperform each other. The more comfortable you get with using the vibrator together, the more you can make up your own rules for when to include it during sex. No matter what you choose, remember that you’re on the same team wanting to experience pleasure together. Who knows, your partner may surprise you by suggesting that you use a vibrator on them, too!
