Kids' Birthday Party Etiquette: What Parents Should Know

Birthday party season is upon us, which means birthday party invitations from your children’s friends are about to pour in. Birthday parties can be pretty fun and are an easy way to fill your weekend and exhaust your little ones. Whether you’re hosting your child’s birthday party or trying to figure out what to do when your kiddo is invited to one, there are plenty of unwritten rules. There is birthday party etiquette to keep in mind that will keep your hosts happy and your mom friendships intact.

If I were to write the kids’ birthday party etiquette rules as the mom of a 5-year-old who’s just entered the world of birthday party invitations from classmates, there would be two: no one brings or accepts gifts, and goodie bags don’t exist. No more plastic toys no one needs, please! But I don’t write the rules, and I am guilty of giving out goodie bags because I felt it was expected. So, instead, we’ll explore some birthday etiquette rules to consider.

Here are some simple birthday party etiquette rules to live by whether you are attending or hosting a kids’ party this year.

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In this article

1 The Quick Rules to Kids’ Birthday Party Etiquette

2 Etiquette on Attending Kids’ Birthday Parties

3 Birthday Party RSVP Etiquette

4 Etiquette on Hosting Kids’ Birthday Parties

5 FAQs

The Quick Rules to Kids’ Birthday Party Etiquette

RSVP by the deadline
Don’t bring uninvited siblings unless the host says it’s OK
Respect ‘no gifts’ requests
Ask whether parents should stay or drop-off (and leave your phone number)
Notify the host if your child has any allergies or dietary restrictions
Don’t feel like you have to drop off a gift if you RSVP as a ‘no’
Know when the party starts and ends
Send thank you notes after hosting a birthday party

Etiquette on Attending Kids’ Birthday Parties

What should you do if an invitation says “no gifts”?

It can feel awkward to attend a birthday party without a birthday gift. But, if a host asks you specifically not to bring one, respect their wishes. There are many reasons the hosts may have requested no gifts. Perhaps they have too many toys and are trying to practice minimalism with their kids. If they say no gifts, I wouldn’t bring one. And if you absolutely feel the need to provide a gift, consider donating to a cause you know the family cares about or bringing a card with well wishes.

Should you send a gift if your child cannot attend?

There’s no hard rule for this one. If your kid cannot attend a party, you should not feel the need to send a gift. Sure, if it’s a very close friend or relative, it is a nice gesture, but it certainly is not required.

Can siblings attend?

If you have other children, do not assume they can tag along. Often it is fine, and invitations (for the most part) will note “siblings welcome.” Yet, it’s always best to check. Some venues have limits and may charge per attendee. Plus, hosts are likely trying to figure out how much food to order, so it’s important they know how many people are attending. If you ask if a sibling can come, make sure the hosts don’t feel pressured to say yes.

What if my child is not invited?

It can be tough if your child is excluded from a party, but try your best not to be offended (or offended on your child’s behalf). Kids’ parties can get expensive, and the hosts may have to cut their numbers to accommodate their budget. Plus, inviting a child’s entire class can be overwhelming. Try not to take it personally if you aren’t invited to every single party. (Hey, it’s a free day on your calendar now!)

How can you help the host?

Kids’ parties can get chaotic quickly. While you’re a guest, see if you can help the host with simple tasks, like cutting and distributing cake, watching kids in the bounce house, or refreshing snacks. A small offer can go a long way for overwhelmed hosts. And while we’re at it, if you’re the overwhelmed host, accept help if guests offer!

Birthday Party RSVP Etiquette

How quickly should you RSVP?

When it comes to an RSVP, the sooner the better. The host can gauge the amount of food and party supplies to order. It also helps a host determine whether or not they need to adjust the number of attendees, especially if the party is being celebrated at a venue. And if you’re a “maybe,” it is still helpful to communicate that you’re unsure. As soon as you have a definitive answer, give the host an update on your RSVP status.

Is it rude to RSVP and then cancel?

Sometimes things come up, and that’s OK—kids get sick, emergencies happen, or the childcare for your other kiddos suddenly can’t make it. If this happens, kindly let the host know your child will not be able to attend as soon as possible.

It’s important to consider that the host may have already paid a fee for your child to attend (the party is held at a trampoline park, play place, etc.). With that said, send a sincere apology and make sure to drop off the birthday gift when you have a chance! Knowing that some parents would consider it a sunk cost, offering to pay the attendance fee or sending a gift card to the parents is a nice gesture.

What if you forget to RSVP?

Have you ever realized on the day of a birthday party that you forgot to hit the send button for an RSVP? If this happens, I’d reach out to the host right away. Apologize for the late reply, and be understanding if the host responds “no.” With a late RSVP, a host might not be able to adjust at the last minute: their budget has already reached its max, or supplies are limited for crafts, and so on.

kids at birthday party — *Source: Alaina Kaz*

Etiquette on Hosting Kids’ Birthday Parties

Abide by school rules

Some schools have strict rules about birthday parties, and if you are having one—especially when sharing invites at school—you must invite the entire class. Although, this can be tough for some families financially and logistically.

If it’s too much to host a party for the whole class, do not feel pressured to do it. Instead, plan a special family day or invite one or two best friends to a celebratory outing. If you still want to host a party for the entire class, don’t feel pressured to go all out on party expenses. See where you can cut back to ensure the party doesn’t break the bank. Kids are often happy to just spend time together.

Send invitations virtually or through the mail

Even if you’re inviting all of your kid’s classmates to a party, it’s bad kids’ birthday party etiquette to distribute invitations at school. They can get lost or be seen by friends in other classes. So, it’s best to send them via email or through the mail.

Consider allergies for guests

If you are serving food, you can ask your guests in advance if there are any allergies you should know about. It’s best practice to omit peanuts from parties.

Don’t open gifts at the party

While opening gifts might seem like an easy way to kill time at a party, it’s not that fun for guests. On top of that, it can make attendees feel uncomfortable. And for little kids, it can be awkward if they don’t know how to fake excitement about a gift they aren’t actually excited about. Skip this step and open gifts after the party has ended. If you want to show your child’s excitement about their gifts, you can send a picture of the child enjoying the gift to the gift giver. This can also serve as a “thank you” note if you’d prefer not to send formal thank you cards.

Set a clear time frame

Though birthday parties can be a blast, they are exhausting for both the hosts and the attendees. Set a firm time frame so guests know when they are welcome and when the party is scheduled to wrap up.

Let parents know if they should stay

This can often be obvious based on the age of attendees, but it’s great to let guests know if it’s a drop-off party or if parents are expected to stay. State this in the invitation so you aren’t fielding multiple questions from guests and parents.

If you are having a drop-off birthday party, consider asking guests for an RSVP via text message. This way, you’ll have each other’s phone numbers just in case you need to contact a child’s parent during the party. At a minimum, make sure the parent dropping off their kid has your number.

Thank your guests

After my daughter’s recent birthday party, many attendees were surprised that I sent thank you notes. Although I find mailing thank you notes to be a bit old-school, it felt right to thank everyone for attending and for the gifts. It isn’t a necessity to send thank you notes, but it is nice to show gratitude to your guests (and to teach your kids gratitude). If you don’t want to send thank you notes, work with your kids to send a quick email or text to attendees to show that you are thankful. Again, a picture of your child with the gift or with the attendees at the party is a nice way to show thanks.

first birthday — *Source: Meagan McCormick*

FAQs

Do you bring a gift to a “no gifts” birthday party?

If an invitation says no gifts, I wouldn’t bring one. And if you absolutely feel the need to provide a gift, consider donating to a cause you know the family cares about or bringing a card with well wishes.

Is it rude to bring a sibling to a birthday party?

Only if it was not communicated to the host that a sibling would be attending, or if it was specifically stated in the invite that siblings are not allowed. Make sure to reach out to the host if certain accommodations for another sibling are needed. This will need to be discussed with the host. Otherwise, it’s best to respect a ‘no sibling’ request.

Is it rude to open gifts at a child’s birthday party?

Not necessarily and is optional. Some families prefer to open gifts privately after the party because it keeps the celebration moving and avoids putting children in uncomfortable situations. If gifts are opened during the party, having an adult keep track of who gave each gift can make thank-yous much easier.

How late is too late to RSVP to a birthday party?

Ideally, RSVP by the deadline on the invitation. If you missed the deadline, contact the host as soon as possible rather than assuming there’s still room.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amanda Shapin Michelson, Former Editor

Amanda is a writer specializing in health, wellness, and motherhood. She recently wrote the book Pregnancy Hacks, sharing tips to comfortably get through the major ups and downs of pregnancy. She currently works for Babylist and lives in Maryland with her husband, kids Millie, Ezra, and Sloane, and pup Ollie.

READ AMANDA’S FULL BIO

patty schepel the everymom editorial intern