"Being a parent comes with waves of ambivalence. Sometimes, I need a break but also miss my kids. I want my kids to be independent, but I don’t want them to grow up. I’ve loved the beauty of growing a child in my body, but I’ve disliked being pregnant. I yearn for sleep, but these cuddles will one day be few and far between. The list goes on. It can be a little confusing because all of these feelings can live simultaneously together. Something I’ve also battled with? My relationship with breastfeeding.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I blissfully walked into the idea of breastfeeding with what I was constantly told—breastfeeding is natural. For something I was told to be so innate, breastfeeding in fact was not natural for me at all. It came with my baby not being able to latch, nipple shields, decreased milk supply, and guilt. TBR, I have a love-hate relationship with it. I actually hated breastfeeding until three things happened.
The pressures of breastfeeding
When I was breastfeeding my eldest, my supply significantly decreased after a few months. I thought I would own the phrase “fed is best” if the time came to supplement with formula. What I didn’t know was the guilt that would come with it. Mentally, I knew feeding my child in any capacity was enough to nourish and help him grow. However, it also felt like I wasn’t enough. While I knew this wasn’t true, it was still hard to grapple with.
How I stopped hating to breastfeed
1. I started to integrate combo feeding
So, when I was pregnant with my second child, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the same pressures consume me. Whether I decided to exclusively breastfeed, combo feed (feeding your baby both breast milk and infant formula), or formula feed, I wanted to go in with the mindset that any of these options were good ones.
Throw a toddler into the mix, some negative emotions during nursing sessions, and it was a whole different ball game. Allowing myself to look at the integration of combo feeding into the feeding cycle as a positive—not a negative—immensely helped with my perception of the way I would be feeding my child. Regardless of what feeding method I favored, I knew my child would be fed, I wouldn’t be sacrificing my mental health, and I would be able to spend time with both of my kids. These factors were important to me.
2. Nursing sessions were more spaced out after the newborn phase
During the newborn phase, feeding a baby is like living life in three-hour increments. You feed the baby, do everything you need to in between (shower, eat, clean, etc.), and the cycle repeats. With the transition from one to two kids, it was overwhelming. I felt like I needed to rush the breastfeeding process because everything else needed me, too. Once the feedings spaced out, things slowed down to where I could focus on one thing at a time. Breastfeeding wasn’t so time-consuming.
3. My baby became more interactive during nursing sessions
People say that breastfeeding is a bonding experience. While some moms have the experience right away, I did not with both of my kids. Bonding with them didn’t really come until my babies showed me their gummy smiles during nursing sessions.
Experts share that by 2 months old, babies have their “true” social smile. And boy, the measures I’ve taken to make them smile: I’ve made a lot of silly faces and weird noises, and I’ve danced some ridiculous dances. It is definitely worth it to see my babies smile, even if it’s only for a second. When nursing became more interactive, I looked forward to spending time with them.
You can love or hate breastfeeding
These three things helped me like breastfeeding, but the breastfeeding journey can look different for everyone. While I celebrate positive stories on breastfeeding, I also feel for the negative ones, too. You can love breastfeeding, you can hate it, and you can feel ambivalent toward it. All these feelings are valid. There are so many societal pressures to love every aspect of being a parent. While I try my hardest, it’s not always the case—feeding journey included. What I do hope moms know is that whatever path you take to feed your baby will always be right for you.
Patty Schepel, Editorial Assistant
As the editorial assistant, Patty works with The Everymom’s team on pitches, creating original articles, updating existing content, photo sourcing, writing shopping product descriptions, inputting freelance articles, and more. When she’s not working, you can find her spending time with her family, training for half marathons—she ran one 16 weeks pregnant—traveling, cooking, reading a rom-com, and keeping her sourdough starter, Rose, alive.