"I was always so certain in life that I wanted to have two children. I didn’t even care about the sexes—I just knew I wanted two children. Two was the perfect number. One was too few. And three were too many. My two children would always have someone to play with. I could hold each child’s hand at the same time. Two extra bedrooms seemed more than manageable. And financially, having two kids is doable for our family.
That’s why, after welcoming my second child, a boy, just a little over six months ago, I was very surprised by the fact that I was already thinking about a third child. A third child was something I NEVER would have even thought about, but here I am, just a little over six months postpartum and I have to admit, I’m thinking a third child would be a welcome addition to our family.
Who said this HAS to be my final baby? Just because my plan was always to have two children doesn’t mean having a third child is off the table. Well, yes and no.
Why We “Shouldn’t” Have a Third Child
I Had Tough Pregnancies
I had two tough pregnancies, including severe morning sickness, with my second one. At points, I questioned if I would be able to make it through. I was so scared about everything, including giving birth. I remember so clearly saying to both my husband and my mom that I was so happy that this was my final pregnancy because the idea of ever being pregnant again was too much to bear.
Our Family is in a Good Rhythm
Now, as we’re settling into life as a family of four, my 5-year-old daughter has taken her role as big sister very seriously and is doing a wonderful job. My little boy is the sweetest baby ever—he sleeps through the night and is just a breeze. Then again, that doesn’t mean a third child would be so easy. What if a third child doesn’t sleep well? What if my son, who seems so sweet and calm now, ends up being even more demanding than my daughter? What if? So many what-ifs that make this decision so challenging.
We’re in a really good rhythm as a family, and I’m even able to work from home while being a full-time stay-at-home mom. It all works for us. Another child would probably throw that all off. Wouldn’t it? There’s a part of me that thinks I’m crazy for even considering it.
We Have Realistic Age Limitations
For one thing, my husband and I had always discussed having two children. A second and very important reason why this should be our final baby is that my husband is 23 years older than I am. While at 35, I can absolutely still have another child, my husband is pushing 60. We have our children now, and he is a wonderful father, but understandably, being an older dad is not always easy on him. So, a third child for him would probably be just too much. For me, on the other hand, I don’t know.
Why I’m Still Torn About Having a Third Child
My Daughter Shines as a Big Sister
As I said, my family has also gotten into such a wonderful and comfortable rhythm with our two children. Somehow, we have made the transition from one to two children very easily. So, how much harder could it be with one more?
My daughter is also an amazing big sister to her brother. In fact, I feel her role as a big sister has helped her grow. She is learning to be independent when she needs to be, especially when I’m taking care of the baby. And she is learning how important it is to work as a family and help one another. Who knows? My daughter has already asked if I would have another baby since she takes her role as big sister very seriously. She might enjoy being a big sister to two younger siblings and really sealing her role as the oldest one.
I’m Already Missing the Newborn Stage
In my heart, I had the shocking revelation that I would love to have another child. During the first few months of my son’s life, I would find myself looking forward to our night feedings when all would be quiet and he would be cradled in my arms. I loved these moments and couldn’t believe I would no longer have them. The other day, while going through his clothing that he is already growing out of, I broke down crying. I realized, “Oh my God. This is it. No more babies.” Or is it?
My Husband Hasn’t Closed the Door
Oddly enough, when I brought the subject up to my husband the other day, he actually said maybe down the line, in a few years, when we’re more settled in, we can think about it. I was truthfully shocked at his response. So maybe the idea of a third baby isn’t as crazy as I think?
Final thoughts on having a third child
This is the thing. I honestly don’t know for sure what the right decision is. I hate the idea of not having a third child and at 45 thinking, “Gosh, why didn’t I have another baby?” Especially since my husband is older, it’s not something I can decide 10 years down the line.
For me, I am a mom. I have always felt that that is what I was put on this earth to be. I love my kids more than anything, so, of course, the idea of having another child makes me over the moon, though the idea of a third pregnancy is less so. But while this is a deep, intense feeling I have in my heart, I know in my head, it might not be the best thing for me and my family.
For so many people, deciding how many kids to have is a really hard decision and it’s a personal choice for each parent, especially if you’re not on the same page about having another child. I guess a decision this big needs time to clarify. For me and my husband, I suppose only time will tell.
