This year, just in time for our daughter’s fifth birthday, I will welcome my second child. As it is for anyone having a baby, it’s a momentous occasion. My daughter will become a big sister to her baby brother, and I will become a mom for a second—and final time. But knowing this is my last pregnancy has caused a lot of mixed emotions.
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Why I’m Sad This Is My Last Pregnancy
I decided a long time ago that for me, two kids were the perfect number. Two just felt right for our family. But I feel still grief and sadness in accepting that this is my final pregnancy.
I’m sad that I won’t have that period of excitement when my husband and I were trying to get pregnant. When we would plan our days around my ovulating or just go with the flow. I will miss the anticipation of eagerly waiting to take a pregnancy test and the joy of finally seeing the smiling face pop up. I will miss being pregnant, just because of what it means—the joy of welcoming another life into this world and becoming a mom again.
Heck, I will even miss my big pregnant belly. I will miss having that pregnancy glow, healthy hair, and all around, just feeling special because I’m pregnant. I will miss those moments when I picture what my child will look like and how seeing them for the first time will make me feel. That excitement of going to the hospital knowing that in just a few hours I will see my baby.
I will miss those moments when I picture what my child will look like and how seeing them for the first time will make me feel…heck, I will even miss my big pregnant belly.
Since this is my final pregnancy, I’m also treating my family to a “babymoon”—something that we didn’t do with my first pregnancy. I want to enjoy this time with my daughter and husband being pregnant. It’s a special moment for us all before we become a family of four.
Knowing that this is my final pregnancy makes me want to soak it in all the more. I’m embracing showing off my round pregnant belly since I know I will never have one to embrace again. I’m enjoying every punch and kick that my little guy gives me because that sensation of feeling my child grow and move inside me, is something I will never experience again. The idea that this is the final time I will grow life inside of me makes me very sad. It will be the last time I will give birth. The last time I feel that sweet surprise of meeting my baby for the first time. And yet, I also feel relief that I won’t need to be pregnant again.
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Why I’m Relieved This is My Last Pregnancy
I realize some of what I will say will contradict the happiness I’ll miss, but that’s the fun of pregnancy—hormones causing mixed emotions. The same stuff that I will miss, is also in some way the same stuff that I’ll be glad to give up if that makes any sense.
I won’t miss box after box of ovulation tests, or accidentally missing the right moment to conceive and feeling so upset at the idea of having to wait another month. I won’t miss the disappointment of getting my period only to realize I’m not pregnant. Nor will I miss the unending morning sickness I experienced during this last pregnancy. I’m looking forward to leaving nausea, vomiting, and constipation behind me.
I’m relieved that I will have my body back to myself and won’t have constant back pain. I won’t have insomnia—although, I realize with a newborn, I’ll be missing sleep all the same.
Once this pregnancy is over, I’m looking forward to our new chapter as a family of four. I’m excited, emotional, and a little nervous about our transition from one child to two, but I am positive it will all work out. I’m sure things will be crazy and messy for us all, but I’m excited about the adrenaline rush of the challenge. I can’t wait for the next part where I will be taking care of my sweet newborn son, as my 5-year-old daughter takes on her new role as a big sister. Honestly, just the idea of seeing my two children together makes me burst into tears of joy.
Pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotions. There are definitely confusing moments where I wonder for a split second if we should have a third child, but that’s just because there’s a part of me that’s sad to accept that this is the end of this era. But, I quickly put those thoughts to rest. Everything has its season, which is maybe the toughest thing to realize. This will be my second and final baby. No more planning and expecting. No more babies. But that’s okay. I will have my two beautiful children and they will have each other—and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
