"While I was pregnant, I moved to a city where I didn’t know a single person. I didn’t put too much effort into making new friends because I figured once I had my baby, I’d easily make a million mom friends. And it pretty much happened!
OK, I didn’t make a million mom friends. But I was able to meet a handful of really lovely fellow first-time moms who were also looking for a crew to commiserate with, share worries with, and to have mini play dates with (even if the babies just laid there).
I was really proud of my mom friend efforts. I attended a variety of new mom meetups, forced myself to baby and me yoga (even if the work of getting out of the house hardly seemed worth it), hosted my own baby bootcamp, and I even made some mom friends through Instagram.
My secret goal was to make a bunch of mom friends so that by the time my daughter turned 1, we’d be able to throw a baby-filled bash with all her tiny besties. I was well on my way to achieving this goal. And then COVID-19 hit.
My secret goal was to make a bunch of mom friends so that by the time my daughter turned 1, we’d be able to throw a baby-filled bash with all her tiny besties. I was well on my way to achieving this goal. And then COVID-19 hit.
Suddenly, we couldn’t see our new friends, and it took a lot of work to maintain any sort of contact and relationship. When you have friends for 15 years and you’re suddenly quarantined, you have a nice base that holds your friendship tight. When you’ve known your friend for three months, it doesn’t have quite the same support to hang on to.
My daughter’s birthday could only be a small party of four (and yes, our dog counts as a guest). And even though my big party goal wasn’t met, I’m still working hard to maintain my new-ish mom friendships.
As challenging as this has been for me, I know it’s probably even harder for brand-new moms. I truly leaned on these new friendships in the first few months as a mother. To come into motherhood without the ability to attend mom meetups is a major hurdle.
Motherhood in general can feel isolating. Add a pandemic on top of that, and there’s a good chance you’re going to feel lonely. So even though you’re staying home, mom friends are still an important relationship to form and foster.
While it’s definitely a challenge to make mom friends through Zoom, there are ways to find mom friends and to maintain these relationships, even when at a six-foot distance. Here are some tactics to try if you’re looking for your mom crew.
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Search for local (yet virtual) mom meet-ups
Some new mom groups have turned their efforts virtual for the time being. Look up new mom support groups in your area and then see which are offering a virtual option. Search via Facebook, Nextdoor, and Peanut, or reach out to your doctor’s office, which may have a list of groups.
Look specifically for local groups so once everyone is able to spend time together in person, you’ll have your nearby people ready. And don’t be afraid to try out a few groups. Not every mom group will be the right one for you. It can take some trial and error before finding the one you feel most comfortable with.
Ask friends of friends
I’ve moved a handful of times in the last few years and typically to a city where I didn’t know anyone. My number one way to meet people has been to ask friends for an intro. If you don’t have any mom friends in your area, put an ask out to your friends to see if they know of anyone with a baby around the same age as yours. It might be their coworker, an acquaintance, or even a friend of a friend of a friend. It can seem like a distant connection, but that doesn’t mean you can’t form a good friendship out of it. Don’t be shy, send an email, and see if your personalities align.
Start a group text
Once you do find a few moms you get along well with, gather them together in a group text. Maybe it’s a bunch of moms from the virtual new mom’s group or your newly formed friends-of-friends group. I’m on a few mom group text chains, and I always love when a question pops up. We cover everything from teething to travel to feeding issues. Everyone is always eager to jump in with advice, support, or to commiserate.
Keep texting
Finding new friends takes work and so does maintaining friendships, especially when they are new. If you feel like things are fading, send a quick text asking how they are doing. Something that simple keeps the conversation going and little by little your friendship can grow. You can stay top-of-mind and close, just by texting.
Source: Toa Heftiba | Unsplash
Have a baby-free mom meet-up
Keeping six feet of distance with a wild toddler can be a major challenge. Plus, aligning schedules with other baby or toddler moms is sometimes an impossible task. After bedtime, if you have a partner or family member who can stay with the baby, have an outdoor mom meet-up. Even while maintaining six feet of distance and wearing masks, you can still feel connected and less alone.
Read More: Friend Just Had a Baby? Here’s How to Support Them While Social Distancing