"As parents, of course, we want to raise kind kids. We want them to share their toys, include others, and speak up when something isn’t right. But when you think about what kindness actually means, or even the goals of raising kind kids, I think a lot of us, even as adults, aren’t totally sure.
For many parents, being kind might look like saying, “Yes, ma’am” and “No, sir,” or thanking the cashier at the grocery store. But it’s so much more than that. In a world that feels complicated and heavy at times, raising kids who lead with kindness and compassion is more important than ever.
“In a world that feels complicated and heavy at times, raising kids who lead with kindness and compassion is more important than ever.”
So, what does kindness look like in practice, especially with little ones who are still learning how to use their words or manage big feelings? To explore how to raise kind kids, I spoke with Bridget, an early childhood educator and the Director of The Modern Tot in Dallas, Texas. With years of experience supporting young children and their families, Bridget shared what kindness actually looks like in everyday moments, from toddler meltdowns to teachable social interactions and everything in between.
Kindness isn’t just a buzzword
Throughout what can feel like the long days of parenting, we throw out a lot of familiar phrases. “Gentle hands.” “Use your words.” “Be kind.” “Don’t eat dirt.” But when we tell our kids to be kind, or we say we want to raise kind kids, it’s worth asking what that actually means. What does kindness look like? What might we be confusing it with? And how do we begin to teach it?
Kindness is often treated like a basic behavior. We associate it with good manners—saying thank you, taking turns, being friendly. While those things matter, kindness goes deeper. It’s empathy, awareness, and the ability to see and respond to others with care. Being kind is not just a personality trait. It’s something we practice.
In parenting, it starts with how we treat our kids. Are we kind to them when things get hard? Do we give them space to be fully themselves, even when they are loud or messy or not following our plan?
Bridget shared that one of the earliest ways we model kindness is by showing our children that we see and accept them. “Raising kind kids starts with learning who your child is and letting go of rigid expectations,” Bridget explained. “When we support their unique interests, even as those interests change, we help them stay open and curious about others, too.”
That foundation of being seen, accepted, and treated with empathy becomes the groundwork for how children treat others.
Raising kind kids starts sooner than you think
It’s easy to assume that kindness starts when kids can talk about their feelings or understand how their actions impact others. But kids are learning how to treat people long before they have the words to explain it.
“Kids are learning how to treat people long before they have the words to explain it.”
Children begin developing empathy and signs of kindness early on by watching the adults in their life, their community, and the environments they’re raised in. They are constantly learning from our actions and behaviors—often more than the times we tell them not to hit or to “be kind.”
Bridget sees this every day. “There’s no such thing as starting too early,” she said. “Kids begin learning kindness and empathy before their first birthday. They are always watching. Modeling behavior is key.”
And as parents, we’re learning, too—while trying to keep tiny humans alive and manage everything else life throws at us. Modeling kindness doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be small, honest moments that remind our kids what care looks like. A few simple examples:
- Saying, “I’m sorry for how I spoke earlier. That wasn’t kind.”
- Taking a deep breath before reacting when your child is having a hard moment.
- Helping someone and explaining why it matters.
- Letting your child see you comfort a friend, apologize, or ask how someone is feeling.
- Talking about emotions or kind choices in books, shows, or their own experiences.
They may not remember every word we say, but they’re watching everything we do.
Being kind to yourself and them
Have you ever heard the phrase “be kind to yourself”? As a mom, that’s something I’ve always struggled with. But once I realized I had two young girls watching me—listening to how I talk about my body, how I handle frustration, how I show up in hard moments—I knew I couldn’t just tell them to be kind. I had to live it.
That meant offering myself grace, softening the way I speak to myself, and letting go of unrealistic expectations. Not just for me, but for them, too.
One of the clearest ways we can show kindness to our kids is by letting them be. Be themselves. Explore new interests, even if they change every week. Feel their feelings without being rushed through them. When kids are given the space to grow into who they are, they learn to extend that same openness and empathy to others.
“When kids are given the space to grow into who they are, they learn to extend that same openness and empathy to others.”
“Letting kids be themselves without forcing our expectations onto them helps them become more curious and compassionate,” Bridget explained. “That curiosity naturally leads to empathy. And when they’re exposed to different cultures, abilities, and family structures, they learn to value difference instead of fear it.”
Letting go of who we thought they’d be and giving them space to become who they are is a powerful act of kindness. And it starts with how we treat ourselves, too.
Teaching kindness happens in the everyday
I’m sure there’s a book out there with clear steps for raising helpful or polite kids. But what I’ve seen through my own parenting, in the education world, and especially in talking with Bridget, is that kindness is taught in the everyday moments.
It’s in how we talk to our kids when they’re tired and falling apart. It’s in how we treat people around us—whether it’s the barista, our partner, or the person dropping off a package. They notice more than we think.
Bridget put it simply: “Kids pick up on how parents treat each other and the people around them. One of the best ways to teach kindness is by showing it.”
“Kids pick up on how parents treat each other and the people around them. One of the best ways to teach kindness is by showing it.”
That might look like saying thank you in front of them. Or waving to the crossing guard at drop-off. It can also be how we play with them—sharing, asking for turns, and respecting their boundaries. These little things are actually big things.
And when they don’t make the “kind” choice, how we react matters. We have to do more than scold. We have to show them what it could look like instead. Bridget reminded me: “If a child doesn’t make the kind choice, it’s important to explain or model what a kind response would be and why it matters.”
Instead of “Don’t snatch,” we might say, “Let’s ask for a turn so your friend knows you care.”
It also shows up in what we choose to bring into our homes: the books on our shelves, the shows we watch, and the people we spend time with. These choices help create a world where kindness isn’t just talked about, but it’s also shown clearly.
Kindness isn’t always a big moment. Most of the time, it’s how we show up when no one else is watching, except our kids.
Partnering with the people who help raise our kids
At some point, our kids start spending time outside of our care. That might look like daycare, a co-op, a dance class, or kindergarten. And when that happens, other adults become part of the village. These teachers, coaches, and caregivers don’t just watch our kids. They help shape them.
Bridget reminded me that this partnership matters. “Parents and teachers partnering together is key to children thriving in a school setting. There needs to be trust and communication. This lays the foundation for honest conversations, even when they’re hard.”
Sometimes, a teacher or caregiver might notice something we don’t. Maybe your child isn’t sharing. Maybe they said something unkind. Or maybe they’re on the receiving end. Either way, it’s not about shame. It’s about working together to support them.
That support includes understanding what’s developmentally normal. Things like toddler biting, hitting, or interrupting might feel like red flags, but often they’re signs that a child is still learning how to use their words.
“We have to remember that they are learning,” Bridget said. “Not being able to use words to communicate is extremely difficult and can result in these behaviors. Redirecting is such an important part of children learning to be kind.”
It takes knowing your child. It takes honest communication with the people around them. Because raising kind kids isn’t something we do alone.
The work never stops
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that raising kind kids often starts with us. It’s the self-work. It’s how we show up, how we speak, how we respond when things are hard. Our kids are watching, even when we don’t realize it.
It’s also about the spaces we create for them. Do they feel safe being who they are? Do they know that mistakes are part of learning? Are we showing them how to repair when things go wrong?
And we don’t do it alone. Teachers, daycare providers, grandparents, and neighbors are all part of the village that shapes our kids. Kindness is learned through community, through relationships, and through real-life moments.
If we can keep showing up with love, curiosity, and care, that’s what they’ll learn to carry into the world.
Daizha Rioland, Contributing Writer
Born and raised in Dallas, Daizha is an antiracist parenting consultant and advocate. With a unique blend of motherhood and storytelling, she seeks to shift narratives about People of The Global Majority and how they take up space in this world. A self-proclaimed coffee fanatic and taco lover, Daizha spends her days raising two young antiracist daughters, walking around the lake by her house, and binging episodes of Real Housewives of Potomac.