"I remember the days of middle-of-the-night feedings vividly, as many parents, I’m sure, do. A tiny newborn in need of nourishment and love. And while I gazed out the bedroom window at the surrounding darkness, the feeling was both wondrous and lonely. But was I really alone when I had a social media feed full of experts and influencers to keep me company?
That’s right. For me, nighttime feedings were equivalent with what I now realize was doom scrolling. However, back then, I viewed it more as a time to take in all the information I could about being a better parent from the numerous parenting experts and influencers that filled my feed. For such a quiet time of the day, I was sure surrounded by a lot of noise.
When my first child was born, I stacked my Instagram feed with all of the parenting accounts I could find without giving it much thought. Whether it was sleep consultants or play specialists, feeding experts, or other moms I admired, I was being served a constant stream of what to do to make sure my baby got the best from me. This carried on as my firstborn became a toddler and we welcomed a new baby into our family.
But what I didn’t quite realize was how much mental stress this was adding to my life. Luckily, somewhere along the way, I realized there were a lot of things filling my social media feed (and my brain) with information I didn’t really care about or weren’t relevant to my current life stage. So I took a step back by accessing and unfollowing to help me cut through the clutter of parenting content. Not only did taking a break from social media improve my mental health, it gave me more confidence as a parent—here’s why.
More mindfulness, less distraction
One of the biggest shifts after taking a break from social media is simply being more mindful and less distracted overall. Now, when my 3 year-old is upset because her stuffed animal looked at her funny, I can assess the situation at that moment without scanning my brain for the perfect script to recite. What I’ve found is that most of the time a challenge isn’t going to be resolved by saying the words someone else wrote for me, but that rather there is some other need not being met. Many times, they just need a big hug, a snack or both.
“When my 3-year-old is upset… I can assess the situation at that moment without scanning my brain for the perfect script to recite.”
Leaned more on a real-life support system
While we may feel more connected than ever to others online, the same isn’t exactly true for real-life connections. In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General recently issued a warning about the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in this country. When I started leaning less on social media connections for advice, I created real, more meaningful connections with my own personal support system.
Having an actual conversation about a parenting challenge felt much better than having a one-sided interaction with a screen, and I usually walked away feeling more confident in whatever decision I came to after that conversation. Another bonus? The people I talked with knew my child’s personality and could speak better to outcomes that would more likely work for them individually than a generic idea from social media.
Increased connection and authenticity with my kids
As one of my favorite parenting experts (shout out to Dr. Becky!) often says, you don’t need to be a perfect parent, but you need to be one that knows how to repair. Meaning sometimes you are going to say the wrong thing or overreact, but if you can admit you are wrong and apologize when necessary, you are teaching your child an important lesson.
And I really like this take on authenticity—our kids don’t need their parents to be super humans who are consistently perfect and always say the right things. They need to see the human experience of feeling and dealing with emotions and stress modeled positively. I’d rather my kids see that sometimes mom feels frustrated, mad, or sad and see me work through that than think I’m perfect. To me, this creates a stronger connection and bond between us.
Less time comparing myself to others
The reason the quote “comparison is the thief of joy” stands the test of time is because it is so incredibly true. And I think social media amplifies this. It is all too easy to compare our children to other children or ourselves to other parents. And so, taking a break from social media and spending less time online meant less time falling into the comparison trap. Remember, social media is only a highlight reel—a carefully curated look at someone else’s life or expertise.
I also spent a lot less time trying to figure out what sort of credibility people had. Were they a self-proclaimed parenting expert, or did they actually have the educational chops to back up what they were saying? It makes a difference.
Parenting more strongly rooted in personal values
For me, one of the most dangerous aspects of social media is thinking everything is for me. And believe me, it is not. There are so many different people on there spouting out their views, beliefs, and expertise, and honestly, most of it does not pertain to me or resonate with me. And that’s OK. We can still be kind and respect one another. But taking time away from it all showed me what I truly value as a parent—that my kids are kind, curious, and enjoy learning. I want to teach them about the world, how to nourish their bodies and minds, and to explore their passions. Anything that doesn’t contribute to that, well, I can confidently say it can go.
Dana Peters, R.D.
Dana is a writer and registered dietitian specializing in family and kids nutrition living in the Chicago suburbs. From healthy family eating to reliable baby gear to wellness for moms, she has covered it all. She is mom to Charlie and Eva, a wannabe baker, and a farmer’s market enthusiast.